My Progress

Sunday, April 19, 2009

SAD's got nothin on me

Today I did a lot of inward reflection. I started watching the marathon for Biggest Loser season 2 on Style the other day, but they were only playing episodes here and there, so I downloaded and watched the rest of the episodes today. There was a lot less drama than the recent seasons I've been watching live, but more than anything, I recognized that there were a lot more guys near my size in season 2. I watched Mark and Matt especially closely because they are 5'11 and 5'10 respectively and I'm right between the two. More than that, Mark has the exact same starting weight as I and Matt won the whole thing. When I project myself next to these two guys, I really see how my journey, although significantly slower than theirs, is very similar.

I'm thrilled with the progress I've made so far and I can't wait to see what I'll look like in the future. I've said before that I've never been this small before in my adult life. I can't emphasize enough what that means to me, especially when I catch sight of myself in the mirror or see recent pictures of myself. I'm healthier, I'm better looking, I'm fitting in clothes I haven't touched in well over a decade, but more than any of these things, I'm happier.

I struggled with depression a couple of times throughout my life, especially when my mother passed away and when my engagement ended. Both of these events sent me into a dark place for months and both happened during Winter. I began to realize that I'd experienced a lot of bad Winters last year and it hit me. I've suffered from seasonal affective disorder every year since I lost Mom in 2005. I came to this realization a year ago when the season changed and I suddenly bounced back. Determined not to let it consume me for another year, I spoke with a counselor at my school several times in order to get a "base-line reading" so she could recognize when the change happened during the upcoming Winter and we could treat the condition.

The depression never came this year. There were a lot of things about my life that made this Winter much better than last, but I am confident that the most important factor was the improvement I've made in my health and fitness. Now that the weather is finally changing, I am looking forward to continuing on and entering the following Winter with something I've never had before: a full, rewarding, healthy life ahead of me.

5 comments:

Fat Lazy Guy said...

Hell yeah man! Kicking S.A.D. in the A.S.S. ;) But seriously, that's so good man. Hope your summer is a good one too :)

Brandi said...

You know what is so amazing...you RECOGNIZED that there was something going on and you can now see that the changes you've made in your life have SERIOUSLY made a difference :)

YAY!!

PS: I vote sky-diving happens asap, and as soon as I'm done with this half we can start training for the next one!

Dina said...

Glad this winter was better for you :)

Joy said...

another effected by SAD - both my mother and hubby suffer depression, and are really made to suffer during the dark months.

Have had one of the nest winters in years after all losing weight and "faking it til we make it"

Yay for you making the changes you want to see!

mcc394 said...

It is all in the state of mind. Ive come to the conclusion that most things in life are 90% mental. the rest is easy.