Obsession

I find that when I get into something I tend to go at it extremely hard and in great depth.

When I used to play World of Warcraft, I was constantly striving to be the best I could be as a healer, guildmate, raider, etc. I min-maxed my stats as much as possible, made plans for what gear uprades I wanted, put in 8 or more hours every day and rarely missed a raid.

When I became a fan of LOST, I downloaded and watched every episode in sequence, then watched them again, then watched them in random order, then bought the DVDs and shared them with my girlfriend. I posted on a LOST forum, contributing to easter egg finds, theories, and when it's in season, I watch each episode live while DVRing, watch it again immediately after and tend to watch it one or two more times before the next episode airs.

When I became a fan of Biggest Loser, I spent a lot of time reading forums and scouring the net for back-info on the contestants. I downloaded season 5 and am working my way through it. I frequently check for syndicated episodes on tv and recently watched all of season 4 when there was a marathon on Style. I'm looking forward to the upcoming season 3 marathon on Bravo this week and I'm already reading up on some of the contestants for season 6, which starts 1 week from today (go green team!).

So yeah, I have a bit of an all-or-none attitude with some things. Weight loss, on the other hand, I never really got that into in my previous efforts. Of course, as I've pointed out before, I've really come to realize that I never really tried until this time. When I decided this past spring that I was going to get my ass into shape once and for all, I don't know that I really took myself all that seriously because I've made that same statement a dozen times before. That said, I've really gotten there this time. I'm glad that I've finally let weight loss become one of my obsessions. I rarely go a day without hopping on the Weight Watchers website and always use the online tracker to plan my meals for the day. I've found my way into the blogosphere and now follow half a dozen other weight loss blogs. I asked for a water bottle for Christmas from my girlfriend for crying out loud!

It's nice to know that I'm finally obsessed with something that will actually carry me to a lifetime of health.

Resolution?

The whirlwind 6-city Christmas eat-a-thon is over! Ugh, that was tiring, but so fun. I really enjoyed seeing my family and my girlfriend's family this holiday season. It was a lot of driving and a lot more eating, but I told myself ahead of time I was going to indulge (reasonably) and I wasn't going to guilt myself over any of it. I gave my online tracker a break and enjoyed all the tasty seasonal fare from which I had abstained on thanksgiving. I tried to practice a little restraint and managed to continue getting my veggies, dairy and more than 80oz water in daily, but there was definitely some damage done (particularly without being able to work out all week).

Now, because I was on the road this whole time, I didn't manage to make it to a meeting the entire week. This isn't ideal since there is a new program to which we're all trying to get accustomed, but it is nice that I don't have to face the official scale until I've had a week to recover. That's not to say that I don't know where I stand. I hopped on the Wii Fit when we got back. It was an evening weigh-in after a big meal at my aunt's house, so I took this with a grain of salt, but it was a bit hard to see +7.8 pounds show up.

I nodded, followed through on my guilt-free promise, and told myself it'd all be gone by next weigh-in. This is the second morning since that evening. I've had one full OP day and I'm happy to say that (although I'm trying not to weigh so much) I checked again today and I'm only 1.8 up from last official weigh-in now.

So there's the past week. Now it's time to look to the future. We have a new year on our hands, which to me means a couple of things:

• I'm gonna have trouble finding a parking spot at the gym
• The WW meetings are gonna be full of new faces
• 4-6 weeks from now, everything will be back to normal

I hate to sound like such a curmudgeon because I really do respect anyone who is willing to face this struggle head-on. It isn't easy, and those newcomers will need all the support they can get. I'm just saying a lot of people do this resolution business and I know a lot of them aren't going to stick with it.

So I'm not going to make some sort of resolution to improve myself in 2009. I made that decision on May 3, 2008 and I think I've already demonstrated my resolve. I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing because I know this shit works. If nothing else, this year has definitely brought that into resolution.

I guess I should trust myself

Or at least cut myself some slack...

Today, in our meeting, we were discussing how some of us had slip ups here and there especially during this holiday season, and two things came into perspective for me. First, this is a way of life. Even once I lose all this weight and become a lifetime member, I'll always have to be conscious of my eating habits in order to maintain. In other words, I have to know how to live my life in the real world without losing control of what I eat and how I stay active, and in the real world, there are holidays and barbecues and parties and get-togethers. To think that I'll never have a slip up is just asinine. Not only that, but I have to give myself permission that if I do give in to a temptation or two this holiday that I not dwell on it because really, whats the point of indulging once in a while if I can't even enjoy it.

Secondly, what I consider a slip-up nowadays is nothing compared to some of the shit I considered normal eating habits before. So I had some fries and 4 wings. How bad was it really? like 20 or so points. That's a huge chunk, but seriously, before I started this journey, I used to eat 18 wings and probably twice as many fries as a normal meal, wash it down with a quart or two of lemonade and maybe even follow that up with a 1000 calorie ice cream.

That's perspective for you. What I think is a serious transgression today would have been less than half a meal a year ago. I really am in a completely different mindset now. Point in fact: not only did I avoid a gain this week, not only did I make that .4 I needed for the 65 pound star, I pulled enough to pass that half-way hump I was looking at last week. Seriously, could I already be halfway there? I can almost certainly maintain my current rate of loss (2 pounds a week) even with a few slip-ups here and there and be at my goal weight this July. That'd be incredible. 2009 is going to be a fantastic year.

Weight loss so far: 67.4 pounds.

Having doubts about this week

I've mentioned before how I had slipped into a habit of weighing myself every day, and truth be told, I do that rather frequently. Last week I was monitoring my weight changes as much as three times a day on three different scales (in the bathroom, on the Wii Fit, at the gym...). I've come to feel comfort when the end-of-day weight is low enough that I know the following morning will register a loss from the previous morning. I've experienced frustration when my weight doesn't drop from one day to the next, or worse, rises. This week I've decided to break myself of the habit, so I haven't seen my weight since Saturday's weigh-in.

Unfortunately, rather than finding this liberating, I've allowed myself not only to become doubtful, but to actually slip in my focus. I've had two slips this week. On Monday, after my final test (which, admittedly, I over-studied and lost too much sleep the night before) didn't go as well as I'd hoped, I went for take-out, which I haven't done in months, and got hot wings and french fries. I am ashamed to say that I ate all the fries and managed to munch on 4 wings before I realized what a huge mistake I had made. I tossed the remaining 6 wings in the trash, but the damage was done. I also skipped the gym that day, opting to relax and protect myself from the frigid cold and wallow in my post-wing shame.

Yesterday should have been a better day after such a slip, but I didn't bring enough in my lunch bag and wound up getting a doughnut at the QuickTrip while I was getting gas. I tried to make excuses that the roads were too bad for me to be driving to the gym, so I skipped again. I got home and started heating up leftover chili, but convinced myself it wasn't enough and made a quesadilla as well. I've now had two days in a row where I was too embarassed of my choices and didn't track my eating.

The only good thing is that while we were watching the finale of The Biggest Loser, I found a touch of inspiration. Once the show had ended, I warmed up the car, grabbed my bag, and drove to the gym. It was very quiet there as I've never been at such a late hour. I didn't want to stay out too terribly late, so I didn't even get in my full hour workout, cutting short 20 minutes, but at least I worked out.

I'm back on the wagon and determined to make this a good week in the end. I'll be happy if I don't register a gain, but it would be nice to hit the 65 pound mark at least. That one was only .4 away last time. I guess all I can do is stick with it and hope for the best.

At least through all this self-doubt, I've still managed to keep my ass off the scales.

Nearing the half-way point

I started this journey 7 months and 10 days ago. In that time, I've learned a lot about myself. For example, I've learned that all those years I failed numerous times at losing weight, I really wasn't trying. I've learned what willpower really is when I'm staring down a department Christmas party lunch and instead reach into the fridge and grab my healthy lunch I've brought with me. I've learned the determination it takes to go to the gym 5 or 6 days a week. I've learned to push myself every time I go to the gym to improve a little bit on my last workout. I've learned to respect myself and take control of my life.

I especially love what I've gained (or, more appropriately, lost) from having a gym membership. Certainly, I couldn't have accomplished what I have without the proven system established by Weight Watchers, but working out has really supercharged my weight loss.

This week marks my 6th since getting back on the wagon after I faltered in October. In that 6 weeks, I've lost almost twenty pounds. Today was another 4.2, just .4 shy of my third week in a row to earn a 5-pound star. I am thrilled to be back at it with such renewed energy and success rivaling that which I was seeing only in the first two months of this journey. I am almost halfway to my original goal of 225 pounds. I am enjoying the process as I see myself emerge as a healthy individual reflected in what I eat, my level of activity, and especially how I look. I feel--now, more than ever--that I will definitely succeed in this. I've already lost twice the weight I've ever lost in any previous weight loss "attempt," and I'll lose twice this much when I'm done.

Weight loss so far: 64.6.

There's only so much a belt can do...

As predicted, I made my first steps into the 200s at this week's weigh-in. It was very satisfying to see that 2 in front of my weight, but obviously not overly surprising. I also received yet another star for losing my 60th pound (rather impressive since I had to dip a full pound to reach 300 and another two in order to get to that 60th), and as usual my leader asked me to speak about my success and what I thought about the program made it happen. Well, considering this is now the 12th time I've been asked that, I am really starting to run out of different ways of saying "e-tools, the meetings, everything..." but I managed to rattle something off about how the little goals make it easy to see the light at the end of the tunnel, segueing me into alerting the group to my tercentenary barrier triumph. I may be a sucker for it, but I do enjoy feeling the support of my fellow WWers as they applaud my successes at our weekly meetings. I do find myself worrying about how many different ways I can answer that question if I know I'll be asked it at least another 14 times on my way to goal...

In other news, my father managed to find some old clothes I might be able to use. I should explain that when she was alive, my mother used to buy me clothes without my input. It was very generous and sweet, but she must have been a bit deluded, because 9 times out of 10 the clothes she bought were too small. At the time, it was easy to shrug, put them away and state "I'll fit into these after I lose a few pounds," but alas, my weight rarely did anything but rise, making those ill-fitting clothes simply fall further out of reach.

It turns out to be quite a blessing that these clothes remain stashed away at my father's house all these years because I've recently come to the realization that although belts are lovely in that I can pull them in to the next eyelet each time they feel a bit loose (I'm about to transition to the next size down for the second time since I started this journey; I'm currently floating on the last eyelet of this belt), this causes the material of my out-of-size bluejeans to bunch up or fall below the belt in at the fly, which is neither fashionable nor comfortable. I've come to concession that my 48s have outlived their purpose and must be retired, only to show up at the end of my weight loss journey in that cliche picture where the skinny me hides behind them outstretched, dropping them like a curtain or pulls them on and extends the waistline to demonstrate the inches that have been shed.

Anyhow, long story short, I've come to find that I fit quite comfortably in a pair of 42s now. This is especially exciting since I distinctly remember in high school lamenting as I grew too heavy to fit into my beloved size 40 black wide-legs. That was around the same time I was no longer able to stretch my XL shirts to fit around my frame comfortably. I guess this all means that I'm almost back to my high school weight. I love counting my weight loss in terms of history. I haven't weighed this little in 6 years.

So I've accomplished my 299.9 goal. I've set my new goal at 280. That's what my driver's license says. I have to renew this coming March, so I look forward to being able to report a lower weight than that when they ask. Perhaps I'll even tell the truth this time as I am fairly certain I didn't the last two times.

Progress so far: 60.4 pounds.

My last week in the 300s

I knew Thanksgiving was going to be a challenge. Seriously, who designs a holiday entirely around the mass consumption of deliciously unhealthy foods? So, after my meeting the weekend before the holiday, I planned out my strategy of how to survive the turkey, ham, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, rolls, stuffing, and countless desserts at two different families' homes on the same day. My plan: stay on program all week and work out every day (including the morning of Thanksgiving day), and on the day of, I decided I would limit myself to only one plate (whereas before I would probably have gone back for seconds and even thirds) while still getting to enjoy all my favorites, and to be sure I left a little of everything on my plate.

How did I do? I stayed on program all week. I made it to the gym every day, and on the morning of Thanksgiving, I got in one of the best workouts I've had to date. At my grandmother's place on my father's side, we ate at noon. I managed to limit my pre-meal snacking to the vegetable tray. I got a little of all of my favorites, focusing on getting a little of every vegetable and limiting myself to 3 ounces of white meat, and when I pushed my plate away with a bite or two of everything still on it, I felt satisfied without that ever-popular bloated feeling to which I had grown so accustomed at past Thanksgivings. 4 hours later, I was at my aunt's house on the other side. I decided to use a plate that had been intended for desserts since it was about half the size of the dinner plates. I got a little bit of this and that and once again left a couple of bites of everything on my plate when I pushed it away. I also decided to have my one dessert food of the holiday this time. I grabbed the smallest cinnamon roll I could find and cut it in half, sharing the rest with one of my cousins' children. I was very pleased with my self control throughout the day, and never felt like I was really depriving of myself anything. Oh, and throughout the day, I drank nothing but water: over 100 ounces.

It was so great getting to see my family, some of whom hadn't seen me since mother's day, just after I'd started Weight Watchers. I made it through one of the two biggest eating holidays of the year and managed to lose 2.8 pounds that week, leaving me within 1 pound of the 200s. Did I want to see that 2 in the front of my weight this weigh-in? Of course! Did I think I'd manage to make it in spite of Thanksgiving? Not really. So what? I'm making awesome progress, and I know that I'll make it to that landmark next time. So here I am this coming week. In the 300s for the last time in my entire life. It's great knowing that not only am I the lightest I've been in 6 years, but that I will never weigh this much ever again.

Progress so far: 57.2 pounds.

I completely punked out all of October

So October came. I knew it was going to be a busy month. My practicum wrapped up, I presented a poster, started a new practicum site, started a new class, went to a wedding, went to an amusement park, did the Halloween thing...

Did I stick with the plan? Nope. For the first time since I started this weight loss journey, I let myself slip. I didn't go to a single meeting all last month. I didn't count more than a few days here and there until the end of the month. I didn't go to the gym for the first three weeks of the month, coming up with excuse after excuse. I weighed in from time to time and (while a lot of it was water) at one point I was up to 323. Ugh. How easy it could be to lose all this great progress I've made. It's sickening.

The wedding was fantastic. We hadn't had a real gathering like that in a while. A lot of people I hadn't seen in a while were really noticing the changes in my body. My girlfriend and I had a really fun time. The following day, we got up early and drove to Lawrence to see the Jayhawks play Colorado. Once the hawks got their win, we headed back up to KC and met the newlyweds and some out of town friends (along with her brothers and sister from Malaysia) at Worlds of Fun, the local amusement park, deep in it's celebration of Halloween with fog machines, hundreds characters in costume, and little haunted houses scattered around the rides.

Before this trip, I hadn't been there in at least 8 years. There was only one roller coaster there now that was also there the last time I had visited. In that time, I've put on a considerable amount of weight (even with the success I've had this journey, I was at last 50 pounds less last time), and I was nervous that I might not fit some or any of the rides during the month leading up to this event. Well, I am happy to say that I was able to ride everything. There were a couple of tight fits, but I managed. Now, I am looking forward to going next year and fitting much better.

The weeks following this were moderately stressful as I mentioned before. I let myself slip, and I am disappointed. In spite of that, I managed to get my butt in gear at the end of the month (even while enjoying some pizza and candy on Halloween night) and get back to the meetings the following morning. I came in at +1 pound from the previous September 27 weigh-in. It's a bit frustrating that I let a whole month go to waste in terms of weight loss, but I am glad that I got back on track and kept myself from doing more damage than that one pound.

The following week I hit another milestone. As of November 8, I've lost 50 pounds on this journey. I got another trinket for my keychain, and I look forward to getting my 75 pound trinket early next year. I'm not giving up. I will get to my goal weight.

I know now that on this road there will be stumbling blocks and detours, but as long as I always manage to find my way back on track, I'll never fail.

I had my girlfriend take a picture of me to commemorate my first 50 pound loss. I can definitely see the results now. I can't wait to see what I'll look like at the next 50 pound mark.

Finally outta the grillin' holidays

Memorial Day weekend and the 4th of July were rough. I let myself go and I had to work it back off. Both of them were challenging, but fun, so I gave myself the freedom one more time for Labor Day. I didn't weigh in since we visited my girlfriend's family and there were no meetings anywhere nearby. What I did do, however, was stuff myself for three days straight: bacon, eggs, fried potato breakfast every morning, burgers, chips, dip and more twice, pizza once, ice cream over and over, tropical sno twice...

It was a blast, but the damage was done. Once I got home, I weighed myself at +9.6 pounds. Luckily, a majority of that was water weight, and the next morning I was pleased to see it was really only +4.6 pounds. I kicked my butt into high gear all week and managed to weigh in at 2.4 net loss from the previous WI (which was the weekend prior to Labor Day). If only my graph could show the massive spike in between, but it is forever hidden away from my "official" chart.

Looking onward, I'm now just 0.6 shy of my next sticker and 5.6 shy of my next trinket (this one for 50 lost). That'll put me within spitting distance of the 200s, with 15% loss falling somewhere in between the two. These next several weeks are going to be fairly stressful with real life stuff including my poster, GF moving in, research site changing, a retake of a class I didn't too so hot in last winter, and lots of Halloween plans with the little lady. I'm going to really enjoy it all, but it will be a weightloss challenge for sure.

Here goes nothin!

Progress so far: 44.4 pounds

And another plateau bites the dust.

These last few weeks have been a bit annoying. After having a nice loss at my last posting, I managed to gain and then lose the same 0.8 pounds in two consecutive weeks. Determined not to let it happen again, I focused on what I was doing, eating, etc and managed to get my shit back on course. My 3lb/week average has been decreased a bit. Now I'm just over 2.5 per week. Still a decent loss rate, and above the recommended 2 that WW pushes. Oh well. As long as I'm back on track, I'm happy.

In other news, my obsession with weighing daily has come back, but the batteries in my scale died, so that helps. I think I'll leave it that way for a bit. Of course I picked up a Wii and Wii Fit (no small feat with how limited the distro and high the demand is). So now I can just weigh myself on there! Hehe. It's a nice supplement to my theoretical 5 days a week at 24-hour fitness. Last week, it was more like... one day. We had quarterlies in the lab, and I had to be here too early to workout 3 of the days. That's my excuse anyhow...

Regardless, I'm liking where things are headed: less than 11 pounds from my 50lb trinket, another 9 from busting out of the 300s. I think I'll be able to hit those before Halloween, which is good because we're goin to Worlds of Fun then. Maybe I'll fit on a couple roller coasters by then.

Progress so far: 39.6 pounds.

...but 4.2 is so much sweeter.

So, I had a couple of slip-ups this past week. First off, I stopped at a Chinese buffet for lunch on Monday. That was bad. I really can't control myself at buffets, and Chinese is pretty much the only kind of buffet I will go to. I also found myself staying up late a couple of nights this week. When I have to be up by 6.45 to make my workout fit in the schedule, I really can't be staying up much past midnight, and I was up at 2 and 3am a couple of times.

I did very well aside from those rough spots. I felt like I was really in control of myself, from pushing myself on what workouts I did attend, to passing up on pizza I found sitting in the break area at work. That was a big realization for me. Before WeightWatchers, I wouldn't have had a second thought about scooping up a slice or two of that pizza hut and been on my way. I guess I really have changed my outlook on food. This is promising.

So I made my goal. No real shocker, I was determined to get it and I did in spite of a couple of obstacles this week. I stood on the scale after a great pre-weigh-in workout and told my meeting leader 'ya gotta tell me it was 3, cause that's what I need for my 10%.' She smiled and told me, 'will 4.2 work?' That made my day, truly. It felt so good having the ladies at the meeting cheer for me, and I got a nice little copper plated keyring thingy for hitting 10%. Oh, and another star on my bookmark since I crested the 35 lb mark.

I feel great, and am looking forward to what is to come. I got my GF to really get it in gear with WW. She lost 1.6 this week. We also started a little mini-comp to see who can lose 5% of their weight first, starting with this most recent weigh-in. We'll see how that goes.

Progress so far: 36.2 pounds. New goal, 299.9 (aka bye bye 300s)!

Losing 0.6 is still L O S I N G...

So weigh-in wasn't the 10% I had hoped it would be. I needed 3.6 to make it and only lost 0.6. That was a bit of a disappointment at first, but I really thought about it, and it shouldn't be. I lost 0.6 pounds. It isn't huge. It's not helping my 3.0 average I'm hoping to maintain, but it's also not doing anywhere near the damage a gain would have done. I just have to look at it that way. A loss is a loss. As long as I'm moving forward, I'm not failing. And honestly, even if I do have another gaining week (like Memorial Day was), so what? Until I quit (which I honestly don't see happening. It really is a life change...) I'll keep trying regardless of how bad my last weigh-in was.

So here I stand, a man not at his 10% mark.... Yet... but I'll get it next week. I'm confident of that. I've already had two great days where I followed the plan well (even Saturday, my usual go-nuts-don't-count-shit day) and I'm going to carry that through all week, hit the gym 5 days and I'm going to love it.

Oh, and I've discovered a love for the WW message boards 20 year olds forum. I'm like the only guy there and just reveling in the attention. I get a lot of support advice there and am able to lend some of my own as well. Hi, girls!

Progress so far: 32.0 pounds.

The journey to a healthy lifestyle

I had my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers on the 3rd of May, 2008. I knew I was worse off than I had been the previous year. I had no idea how bad it had gotten. I was 358.2 pounds, a full 33 pounds more than the previous year. My BMI, at just over 50, would be defined as super-obese. You know, like the people on TLC that have to be brought food and removed from their homes on forklifts. That is pretty frightening. I would say I am pretty serious about losing the weight this time. WW thinks I should be at MAX 179 pounds. That would put me at exactly half my starting weight and BMI. I hate to sound pessimistic, but I really don't see that happening. I've set my final goal at a slightly more reasonable 225 pounds. I feel that is probably closer to what would be considered "ideal" or "health" for my body type and height. We'll see.

Since starting the weight watchers program and finding my niche (primarily following the e-tools they provide), I've also added a workout via membership at 24hour fitness. I've already hit and pressed through 2 fattening grilling holidays (Independence and Memorial Days) and a plateau where I lost only 1.2 pounds over the course of 2 weeks. I've allowed myself enough freedom to enjoy myself from time to time, but kept the structure solid enough to maintain an average of 3 pounds of loss per week (in spite of actually gaining 3.6 over the Memorial Day bbq/alcohol-fest in Dallas).

I feel great about where I am and excited for where I am headed. I've already received a small token that represents my having lost 25 pounds so far (it's cheap, it's tiny, it's nothing amazing, and I couldn't be more proud). I'll most likely meet my 10% goal next weigh-in (meaning I've decreased my weight to 90% of what it used to be when I started). My next minigoal will be 299.9 pounds. It's been 5 or so years since I was at a weight that began with a 2. I am really looking forward to that one. I'll also have lost over 50 pounds by then, and received another trinket for doing so. I look forward to sharing my experiences as I press on toward a lifetime of healthy eating and fitness. I look forward to being that healthy, fit man that I wasn't in my youth. I look forward to getting a load off my chest.

Progress so far: 31.2 pounds.

How I got here

I've never been in shape. I grew up overweight. I spoke to my mother about it a month or so before she passed away and she told me she harbored some guilt that she felt it was partially her fault. Whereas she allowed my brother, who is two years older than I, to play outside unsupervised early on, I was sent in front of the television as I was too young to do the same.

The differences between my brother and me were rather evident at a young age. I guess that is part of the reason we butted heads so much. That and we shared a lot of activities and ran with widely overlapping circles of friends. Often in high school people would express surprise that we were in fact brothers.

Anyhow, there I was. The fat one. I remember attempting to lose some of my 113 pounds when I was in grade school. My parents were always concerned about my health and encouraged me to try to get into shape. I was active enough. I eventually got old enough to play outside, ride a bike, swim in the pool, play baseball and other games with my friends, but I still had a relatively sedentary lifestyle and I never practiced very healthy eating habits. I played basketball and football in junior high, and I was in the marching band all through high school. I excelled at schoolwork, and never really had to study all that hard to do so.

I believe I peaked at XL size and upwards of 250 pounds when I was graduating high school. College was probably closer to 280. 5 years later, I was pushing 325. That was a pretty frightening realization. I went through some rough times, ending a bad engagement, losing my mother and grandfather to cancer, struggling with and dropping out of medical school after being convinced for a majority of my life that I was going to be a doctor. I sought food as a comfort for all these things. I ate when I was bored. I ate when I hadn't eaten recently. I didn't really need an excuse, but it was easy enough to dig one up. Regardless, I was pretty clearly out of control.

Last year, I put my foot down and decided that at 325 pounds, enough was enough. I was going to get in shape or die trying. I asked my friend, John, who had served in the army as a ranger for 6 years and had always been big into fitness, to help me come up with a workout regimen that would get me where I needed to go. I followed it fairly well for a bit. I enjoyed a modicum of success, but I didn't stick with it and let myself go for another year. In May of this year, I decided that it was time to stop fucking around and get this shit in gear. I went to weight watchers for the fourth or fifth time in my life.

The beginning

So I guess I need to be realistic with myself. I don't expect this blog to get a lot of traffic, and that is fine. I plan to post primarily about my experience dealing with my weight loss journey. I don't really care if anyone else reads this or takes anything away from it. That isn't my goal. Although it would be nice to know I've helped someone facing the same obstacles I did, I really just want to vent, express myself, reflect... In short, get a load off my chest.