My Progress

Monday, January 11, 2010


Sometimes, my weight loss is in a zone where nothing could derail me. It is during those times that I will lose fierce amounts of weight and my motivation will soar. So why, if the weight loss is a strong cycle of effort, reward and drive do I so frequently halt that solid progress and lapse into a period of negligible loss (or worse, gain)? I have a compulsive need to celebrate and reward those periods of focused loss with a short (sometimes just a single meal) relaxed grip on the program.

Most recently, I gave myself permission to indulge on Christmas. I knew it was going to slow down my solid progress, but it hit me hard. I worked my butt off and was hoping to weigh in on the 8th with at least a maintain from my previous weigh in on the 17th. Well, that didn't happen. I was facing a gain and let myself get talked out of going to weigh-in. Weather, gain, first meeting of the new year... blah blah blah. Instead, I went to a buffet and indulged again.

The following morning, I felt that all-too-familiar remorse and was certain I was going to get back on the wagon full force and post a loss at the next upcoming weigh-in. Well, then an email arrived that delivered some bad news on a job that I thought for sure I was going to get. That would have been the end to a four-and-a-half-month stretch of unemployment. I responded by devouring the remains of a bag of tortilla chips and half a frozen pizza, then a burrito from chipotle. Had I not felt stuffed to the point of pain, I would have eaten 800 Calories worth of monkey bread as well.

I know I'm still an emotional eater, but I also know that I've fallen 142 times in this weight loss journey. I've stood back up and dusted myself off 142 times too. That's all I can ask of myself. I know I'll never be able to be the perfect loser that can go from huge to tiny without a single hiccup along the way. Instead, I have to be the loser that can recognize his mistakes and continue the process.

So here I am, freshly back on the wagon and determined to succeed. I'll likely post a gain this Thursday, but so what? At least it won't be a 40 pound gain, right?


~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

I'm on the horsey next to you. Seriously, we all gotta do some climbing back up sometimes, but it's life right? And this is forever.

~ugly girl with a beautiful heart~ said...

PS: left ya something on my blog!

Tony the Pink Panda said...

As long as you make more good decisions than bad, you'll be just dandy.

Making Tracks said...

Followed your link from Physics Diet - top 10!

Truly moved by your thoughts on falling off, dusting down and finding the strength to get back on with the show.

So many times I've taken a tumble and eaten for days before I can pick myself up and start all over again.