...but 4.2 is so much sweeter.

So, I had a couple of slip-ups this past week. First off, I stopped at a Chinese buffet for lunch on Monday. That was bad. I really can't control myself at buffets, and Chinese is pretty much the only kind of buffet I will go to. I also found myself staying up late a couple of nights this week. When I have to be up by 6.45 to make my workout fit in the schedule, I really can't be staying up much past midnight, and I was up at 2 and 3am a couple of times.

I did very well aside from those rough spots. I felt like I was really in control of myself, from pushing myself on what workouts I did attend, to passing up on pizza I found sitting in the break area at work. That was a big realization for me. Before WeightWatchers, I wouldn't have had a second thought about scooping up a slice or two of that pizza hut and been on my way. I guess I really have changed my outlook on food. This is promising.

So I made my goal. No real shocker, I was determined to get it and I did in spite of a couple of obstacles this week. I stood on the scale after a great pre-weigh-in workout and told my meeting leader 'ya gotta tell me it was 3, cause that's what I need for my 10%.' She smiled and told me, 'will 4.2 work?' That made my day, truly. It felt so good having the ladies at the meeting cheer for me, and I got a nice little copper plated keyring thingy for hitting 10%. Oh, and another star on my bookmark since I crested the 35 lb mark.

I feel great, and am looking forward to what is to come. I got my GF to really get it in gear with WW. She lost 1.6 this week. We also started a little mini-comp to see who can lose 5% of their weight first, starting with this most recent weigh-in. We'll see how that goes.

Progress so far: 36.2 pounds. New goal, 299.9 (aka bye bye 300s)!

Losing 0.6 is still L O S I N G...

So weigh-in wasn't the 10% I had hoped it would be. I needed 3.6 to make it and only lost 0.6. That was a bit of a disappointment at first, but I really thought about it, and it shouldn't be. I lost 0.6 pounds. It isn't huge. It's not helping my 3.0 average I'm hoping to maintain, but it's also not doing anywhere near the damage a gain would have done. I just have to look at it that way. A loss is a loss. As long as I'm moving forward, I'm not failing. And honestly, even if I do have another gaining week (like Memorial Day was), so what? Until I quit (which I honestly don't see happening. It really is a life change...) I'll keep trying regardless of how bad my last weigh-in was.

So here I stand, a man not at his 10% mark.... Yet... but I'll get it next week. I'm confident of that. I've already had two great days where I followed the plan well (even Saturday, my usual go-nuts-don't-count-shit day) and I'm going to carry that through all week, hit the gym 5 days and I'm going to love it.

Oh, and I've discovered a love for the WW message boards 20 year olds forum. I'm like the only guy there and just reveling in the attention. I get a lot of support advice there and am able to lend some of my own as well. Hi, girls!

Progress so far: 32.0 pounds.

The journey to a healthy lifestyle

I had my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers on the 3rd of May, 2008. I knew I was worse off than I had been the previous year. I had no idea how bad it had gotten. I was 358.2 pounds, a full 33 pounds more than the previous year. My BMI, at just over 50, would be defined as super-obese. You know, like the people on TLC that have to be brought food and removed from their homes on forklifts. That is pretty frightening. I would say I am pretty serious about losing the weight this time. WW thinks I should be at MAX 179 pounds. That would put me at exactly half my starting weight and BMI. I hate to sound pessimistic, but I really don't see that happening. I've set my final goal at a slightly more reasonable 225 pounds. I feel that is probably closer to what would be considered "ideal" or "health" for my body type and height. We'll see.

Since starting the weight watchers program and finding my niche (primarily following the e-tools they provide), I've also added a workout via membership at 24hour fitness. I've already hit and pressed through 2 fattening grilling holidays (Independence and Memorial Days) and a plateau where I lost only 1.2 pounds over the course of 2 weeks. I've allowed myself enough freedom to enjoy myself from time to time, but kept the structure solid enough to maintain an average of 3 pounds of loss per week (in spite of actually gaining 3.6 over the Memorial Day bbq/alcohol-fest in Dallas).

I feel great about where I am and excited for where I am headed. I've already received a small token that represents my having lost 25 pounds so far (it's cheap, it's tiny, it's nothing amazing, and I couldn't be more proud). I'll most likely meet my 10% goal next weigh-in (meaning I've decreased my weight to 90% of what it used to be when I started). My next minigoal will be 299.9 pounds. It's been 5 or so years since I was at a weight that began with a 2. I am really looking forward to that one. I'll also have lost over 50 pounds by then, and received another trinket for doing so. I look forward to sharing my experiences as I press on toward a lifetime of healthy eating and fitness. I look forward to being that healthy, fit man that I wasn't in my youth. I look forward to getting a load off my chest.

Progress so far: 31.2 pounds.

How I got here

I've never been in shape. I grew up overweight. I spoke to my mother about it a month or so before she passed away and she told me she harbored some guilt that she felt it was partially her fault. Whereas she allowed my brother, who is two years older than I, to play outside unsupervised early on, I was sent in front of the television as I was too young to do the same.

The differences between my brother and me were rather evident at a young age. I guess that is part of the reason we butted heads so much. That and we shared a lot of activities and ran with widely overlapping circles of friends. Often in high school people would express surprise that we were in fact brothers.

Anyhow, there I was. The fat one. I remember attempting to lose some of my 113 pounds when I was in grade school. My parents were always concerned about my health and encouraged me to try to get into shape. I was active enough. I eventually got old enough to play outside, ride a bike, swim in the pool, play baseball and other games with my friends, but I still had a relatively sedentary lifestyle and I never practiced very healthy eating habits. I played basketball and football in junior high, and I was in the marching band all through high school. I excelled at schoolwork, and never really had to study all that hard to do so.

I believe I peaked at XL size and upwards of 250 pounds when I was graduating high school. College was probably closer to 280. 5 years later, I was pushing 325. That was a pretty frightening realization. I went through some rough times, ending a bad engagement, losing my mother and grandfather to cancer, struggling with and dropping out of medical school after being convinced for a majority of my life that I was going to be a doctor. I sought food as a comfort for all these things. I ate when I was bored. I ate when I hadn't eaten recently. I didn't really need an excuse, but it was easy enough to dig one up. Regardless, I was pretty clearly out of control.

Last year, I put my foot down and decided that at 325 pounds, enough was enough. I was going to get in shape or die trying. I asked my friend, John, who had served in the army as a ranger for 6 years and had always been big into fitness, to help me come up with a workout regimen that would get me where I needed to go. I followed it fairly well for a bit. I enjoyed a modicum of success, but I didn't stick with it and let myself go for another year. In May of this year, I decided that it was time to stop fucking around and get this shit in gear. I went to weight watchers for the fourth or fifth time in my life.

The beginning

So I guess I need to be realistic with myself. I don't expect this blog to get a lot of traffic, and that is fine. I plan to post primarily about my experience dealing with my weight loss journey. I don't really care if anyone else reads this or takes anything away from it. That isn't my goal. Although it would be nice to know I've helped someone facing the same obstacles I did, I really just want to vent, express myself, reflect... In short, get a load off my chest.