A Load Off My Chest

Fly By

2010-06-03T20:49:00.002-05:00

Not a lot to say. I miss my meeting leader. Work is good. Memorial Day Weekend was a breeze to avoid temptations and very productive. My gym is closed until Monday. WI went really well. I wasn't sure I was gonna lose hardly anything, then I dropped a 2.8. That's 142.4 overall, leaving me just 0.8 from an "overweight" BMI. I hope I hit that next week. Considering my recent momentum, I can't say I'd be surprised.

Rambling, winding roads ahead

2010-05-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

I haven't got a clue what I'm going to talk about today, but I feel the urge to blog, so I'm gonna take it and go. Hopefully, this isn't too disorganized and annoying, but I'm not making any promises? Ready? No you're not. Put on your seatbelt. Ooh, look at how loose it is on you. High-five!

So, I guess I'll start with the usual. A Thursday has come and gone since my last post. I had a fantastic weigh-in, although I skipped the meeting. I went to a different WW center since I was headed out of town to meet my brother, his girlfriend, my father and his wife at a BBQ joint in Lawrence (Jayhawk country!) to celebrate brobro's birthday.

I planned ahead and tracked everything I'd intended to eat, which I'm sure many of you are well aware is quite a challenge when eating BBQ, which is just as much about quantity as it is quality. I planned to have half a sandwich, baked beans and fries. My plan was quickly foiled when the table ordered two appetizers: jalapeno poppers and spinach and artichoke dip with french bread and tortilla chips. I also ordered a lemonade instead of the water I'd intended to get. So yeah, not exactly sticking with the plan, but I didn't get too out of control. I paid attention to my hunger, I tried not to dip too much into the apps, I stuck with the half-a-sammich plan, and fortuitously enough, was not happy with the baked beans -- which either got messed up or recently changed, because I bit into a black olive, which is one of my least favorite foods. I was so turned off, I didn't take another bite of them.

I'd estimate I went over my plan by about 10-15 points, but that's ok. I had a really good time seeing my brother (for the first time since Christmas), and I think he really liked the Clint Eastwood 35-disc boxed set my father and I got him. We discussed how everyone is doing, a cousin's upcoming wedding next month and new developments in one another's houses. I love my family so much. :)

Also, I accepted the offer and completed all the new hire paperwork at my job and they made my first day retroactively May 24th. My boss and I made a request that they review my qualifications and consider me for a slightly higher wage, and they agreed to do so along with their future across-the-board competitive compensation review for the area. After all those months of unemployment and stress, the negative impact it had on my weight-loss twice, the uncertainty that I'll be able to make ends meet and worst of all, the full year of going without health insurance, I am so grateful to my company for the position I've been given. My benefits, by the way, are fantastic. Health is only $15 per pay period and I opted into the buy-up for an additional $12.50, which reduces the coinsurance from 20 to 10%, the copay from $25 to 15 and the deductible from $500 to 0. It also includes eye and dental. I can't wait to go to the doctor in a couple of weeks. She hasn't seen me in a year, and I really want to see how my numbers have improved since then. I could also really use some allergy meds. ugh.

So this is Memorial Day weekend. So far, I've had a busy Saturday that involved a trip to the vet, some browsing at a few clothing stores, a pointless drive to the dealership for what was supposed to be an oil change (and yes, I called ahead on Wednesday and confirmed they were going to be open Saturday morning, the lying sack...) and a few other random errands here and there. Today, I've already fixed and eaten a tasty bagel breakfast sandwich, showered myself and the dog and dived into the laundry. I'd like to get the rest of my shopping done, including groceries, clean up the bathroom, finish up the laundry, spray some weeds outside and prepare my chicken teriyaki and stir fry dinner for the week.

Tomorrow, I finally stop running errands and chores so I can chill out with some friends, visit the WWI memorial and enjoy Memorial Day. Nothin like a good, relaxing Monday off after a very productive Saturday and Sunday. Hope yall are enjoying it as well!

Progress so far: 139.6 pounds.

Rider on the Storm

2010-05-24T21:41:00.000-05:00

I just got in from mowing about 30 minutes ago. It was pretty much 10 minutes past sundown. I could barely see, but I got it done. It started yesterday, when I started mowing in the early afternoon and finished everything around the house in about 90 minutes, leaving myself with just 70 more minutes of mowing in the field to the south of my house.

I didn't have time, however, because my father had just called me before I went out to mow asking if I'd like to meet him since he'd be in Kansas City in a couple of hours to do some shopping. So, I grabbed a shower and rushed off to meet him. I love spending time with my pop. We had a somewhat distant relationship when I was growing up. Not bad, just not as close as my mother and I were, but when she passed away, he made a real effort to be there for me in her absence.

Anyhow, I spent a few hours with my father, then came home and prepared dinner: chicken and turkey sausage jambalaya (from scratch! I didn't even use Zatarain's) with roasted zucchini, snap beans and asparagus. It was very tasty, but it took a lot longer to prep than I thought. By the time I got done, I only had about 30 minutes before the finale of LOST was going to start, so I had no time to finish the lawn. I was disappointed because I knew I only had until Tuesday before a 3 day thunderstorm would start, and mowing would discourage me from working out tonight.

Add to that the fact that it was ridiculously hot today (I know, in a couple months, I'll think low 90s is pretty mild), and I just did not want to do it. I was hoping to borrow my neighbor's riding mower, but he wasn't home! I cursed my unfortunate set of circumstances and debated letting the field go until after the storms, which would almost guarantee a very rough mow. I decided I'd wait for my neighbor to come back, so I heated up some leftovers (just as delicious on day two!) and turned on the A/C (I wanted to last till later in June, but it was 97° in here).

Finished dinner, washed the dishes and neighbor still wasn't home. By then, it was 7.15 and I just barely had enough time to finish with my push mower before sunset. Yeah, I know, I spoiled the surprise, but here's where this story fits in a weight loss blog. Granted, it was lazy of me to wait that long for the possibility of using a rider to finish the job in 20 minutes, but fat me wouldn't have thought twice about just saying "fuck it" and skipped out on the lawn mowing duty. The fact that I did it tonight gives me a real sense of accomplishment. I'm really enjoying the person I'm becoming.

Oh, and also, I got an offer at my job for my permanent position since my temp appointment ends this week. It was a good day. Now, to enjoy the slight cool-off and thunderstorms on the horizon for the next few days, back to the gym tomorrow, WI on Thursday is looking pretty good. Lates!

Below "goal"

2010-05-20T21:43:00.003-05:00

So, I made it. I'm below 225. The weight loss ticker I use on forums says... well, I'll just show ya:

1.8 below target weight. Awesome. I feel like I'm on a really good roll right now. That usually means I'm due for a big slip, but I'm gonna be positive and tell myself I won't let that happen. I have planned out my meals for the next 6 days. I really enjoyed my workout today and am looking forward to another tomorrow. I really think I'm gonna hit that 220 I need in order to be able to skydive. Then, once my friend gets back from overseas, we can start planning the jump. I have been looking forward to this for years so I think that in itself, along with being only 3.2 pounds from the weight limit, will serve to keep me motivated and on track.

I am looking forward to updating this blog with pictures and video from the jump.

So, in the meantime, I can't just keep saying my goal is 225 (although it is a bit comical to see that ticker). I've decided to set my next goal (which is also a temporary one and not my anticipated end-game weight) at 215. That is the weight at which my BMI drops to 29.98 and I'm officially considered "overweight."

I realize a lot of people going through weight loss have cheered for the same thing in sardonic fashion, but it really is a touch ironic to be excited about being overweight, isn't it? Yeah....

Progress so far: 135.0 pounds.

A closer look, or, how NOT to give up

2010-05-14T18:10:00.005-05:00

I thought it'd be fun to discuss the obvious today: I've had a pretty rocky year. A lot has changed in my life, for sure. Some of those changes have negatively affected my weight loss, some of those changes are my weight loss. I would like to take a moment to look at my weight loss chart from last night and the one I posted a year prior.

Says a lot, doesn't it? My first year of losing weight was pretty smooth. I stalled out through October, but even that month off yielded only a 1 pound gain. From May 3, 2008 to May 9, 2009, I managed to lose a total of 106.2 pounds. During that time, I posted 6 official gains on the scale at my weigh-ins. Those 6 gains added up to a grand total of 10.8 pounds. Not bad. Then we look at the year following that. From May 9, 2009 to May 13, 2010, I managed to lose another 26.6 pounds, bringing my total for the 2 years to 132.8. That's pretty good, but why have things slowed down so much? I lost 4 times that amount of weight in the first 52 weeks. Has my weight loss slowed down as I got closer to goal? I mean, I am only 0.4 away from goal, right?

Seriously, though. I think it's pretty clear what the problem was this past year, but for the sake of throwing brevity out the window and filling this post with lots of statistical, well-illustrated goodness, let's point it out. Literally.

Four times this last year, I've had some pretty crazy gains. In the first year, my biggest gain was 3.6 pounds, which happened over Memorial Day weekend when I spent some time with my friends in Dallas, boozing it up and eating whatever I wanted. I enjoyed myself, I accepted the gain for what it was, I got back on the wagon right away and made that gain disappear (along with 5.4 more pounds) the very next week. Just a few weeks into my second year of weight loss, I hit a snag. I gained 8.2 pounds over the course of two consecutive weigh-ins. It was a pretty sharp kick to the groin, but I pulled up my skivvies and worked that weight back off only to lose focus as it became all too clear to me that my internship was going to be ending in a month and I had absolutely no job prospects on the horizon, in spite of dozens upon dozens of job applications and resume forwards I'd done over the previous 6 months. Not a single callback. So, I did what any weak-willed weight-loser would do. I stopped giving a shit about my eating, I stopped working out and I started falling back into my old habits.

And why not? I deserved to have a little pity party, didn't I? My internship was half a mile away from Buffalo Wild Wings and they were running their yearly all-you-can-eat wings and fries for 10 bucks from 11a-2p special. I happily munched away at hundreds of points worth of wings, fries, lemonade and ranch dressing in a single sitting as often as three times per week. One day, I remember getting 30 wings, 3 baskets of fries and half a cup of ranch dressing and walking out of the restaurant still craving some sort of sweet to balance out all the salty I'd just eaten. So, I drove across the street to Target and bought a box of Little Debbie swiss cake rolls. I ate half the box on the drive back to work. I shit you not, that day, I ate over 200 points of food (which is somewhere in the range of 10,000 calories).

I guess it's no surprise that by the time I pulled my head out of my ass, tucked my tail between my legs and walked back into my Weight Watchers meeting that the scale gut-punched me 40.2 times over. 40 pounds in 30 days is just... retarded. Seriously. I slogged my way back into eating healthy, working out religiously and tracking both habitually and, in spite of another 12-pound slip a couple of months later, managed to work all of those 40.2 pounds off just before Christmas. I even managed to stay on track over Thanksgiving and pulled out a 7-pound 2-week loss. Hah! I guess I'm not such a fuckup after all... So, fast forward to the end of January and I had reached my lowest weight of all time without a single gain since mid-October. Then, I just fell off the wagon again.

I don't want to go into details of all the horrible deliciocity I was eating, but suffice it to say, I wasn't in a healthy frame of mind. I'd been unemployed for 5 months by then and although I had all the free time in the world, I was just getting burnt out on working out and eating right. I slipped into some fairly self-destructive tendencies and my weight-loss suffered heavily. So that's the last peak there and my biggest break from WW in 2 years. I crawled back into my meeting after finally landing a decent job and finding myself single once again. Something amazing happened. The last time I took only one month off, I'd gained 40 pounds and it took me almost 4 months to work it back off. This time, I'd been off the wagon for twice as long and I'd only gained half as much. Then, I worked off all that gained weight in just over 3 weeks. Moral victory!

This past year has been crazy. I could have thrown in the towel at any one of those 4 massive gains, but I chose to stick it out. Yeah, I only lost a net of 26.6 pounds this year, but considering there were an additional 81 pounds gained in that time, I'd say I've done pretty fucking well.

I wish I could say the massive gains are forever behind me, but my weight fluctuates like the Dow at the mercy of a fat-fingered Citigroup trader. What I can say is that with all this experience, I know I'll never stop. I will get to my final goal of reaching a weight I want to maintain. I'll get there and I'll learn how to keep my life in balance. I'll maintain that weight for the rest of my life. I'll do it because I have the support I need to get it done. I'll do it because I have the drive, the determination and the knowledge that I can do it. I'll do it because I owe it to myself. I'll do it because I deserve it.

Today

2010-05-13T20:36:00.002-05:00

Today, I had a surprise at my meeting. My leader, who I feel very comfortable around and confident that I can share anything with, is taking a hiatus for the summer. For the next three months, I don't get to see her. So lame. I'm gonna miss her for sure. I know she's read my blog in the past, so if you're reading this, I miss you!

Anyhow, I weighed in today. I knew I wasn't going to hit that 225, but I sure did come close. 225.4. Now I have got to stay focused and avoid a gain this week because I promised to hit that 225 by next week. 0.4 is pretty easy for me to pull off, but I've had enough slip-ups in the past to know that no loss is guaranteed. I'm gonna earn this one.

That's it for now. Thanks for stopping by and having faith that I'll be a good blogger. I'm really enjoying it again and hope to stick with it for a long time.

Progress so far: 132.8 pounds.

Tomorrow

2010-05-12T19:32:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow is weigh-in. I love weigh-in. It is either a reward for my week of hard work or a wake-up call for my week of slipping up. After weigh-in, my points reset and I get to indulge myself a little. Generally, I spend all week acknowledging my cravings and telling myself that I can enjoy it come Thursday evening. Tomorrow, it's going to be a 15-point Chipotle burrito. I am really looking forward to it.

So this is gonna be a short post. How will I do tomorrow? I really don't know. I'm pretty sure it's going to be a loss, but not much. I doubt I'll make it to 225, but I have every intention of keeping the focus I've had this week (solid eating, great 1-hour workouts every day Sun-today) and knocking that 225 out of the park next week.

I'll check in tomorrow with some number-love.

Weight Watcher? Make that Weight Warrior!

2010-05-10T20:10:00.005-05:00

Hey, sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was... lazy. Well, as far as blogging is concerned. In reality, I went grocery shopping, cleaned up the house, did some yardwork, hit the gym and cooked a delicious and healthy dinner. Today, after work, I got in a great workout. I'm still rockin the elliptical. After all this time, I still seem to struggle with entering the realm of weightlifting, but I am confident that I'll get there when I'm ready. What I did manage to do today, was ramp up the intensity on the elliptical by ramping up the resistance on the machine, which helped to keep my heartrate a little more steady without having to focus on my speed. I like it.

OK, so last time, I mentioned in passing a little 3.5-mile obstacle course race that I completed recently. The event is called Warrior Dash. I ran it in Forney, Texas, a suburb in Southeast Dallas, which just happens to be a city where a lot of my friends live. I got off work early on Friday the 30th and drove the 500-some mile trip, arriving at a friend's house around midnight. The following morning, we got up, had a nutritious Chick-Fil-A lunch and drove down to Cousins Paintball, where the course was laid out. The course winded around the paintball grounds, through a creekbed, a small bog, the woods and some fields. Along the way, there were obstacles such as a huge wind machine, a steep, 15-foot muddy incline with little more than some slippery footholds in the mud and a rope to climb it, some large cable spools to hurdle over, a 20-foot cargo net, a line of fire to jump over and a long pool of thick mud with barbed wire overhead to crawl under. Here I am taking on those last two obstacles (which were the final two, less than 100 yards from the finish line):I really enjoyed running this race with my friends. The weather was perfect, the energy was palpable... I finished the race in 45:13.60, which is a 14:35-minute mile pace. That's not terrible, but considering someone finished it in under 18 minutes, I'd say it's not amazingly good either. That said, it's only about 30 seconds slower and 0.4 miles longer than the 5k I ran last summer (not to mention being slowed down by the obstacles)... I'm getting better. My primary frustrations were that the course was very muddy and slippery in some spots which made it difficult to run, and I'm still very bad at running in a full-impact setting. I really need to train myself to run somewhere other than the elliptical, because my 9-minute mile pace there doesn't translate to real running in any stretch of the imagination.

Anyhow, Warrior Dash was awesome. I can say with confidence that it was the most insane race I've ever run, and I'll definitely be running again next year. I know that by that time I'll be at my goal weight, I'll be in much better shape and better trained for real running. I hope to improve my time by at least 10 minutes.

Oh, and if any of you are tempted to run this race (which how couldn't you with my fantastic retelling of the event and inspiring pictures of me triumphing over it?), fear not, for there are 7 more Warrior Dash events throughout the states over the next several months:
5/22 & 5/23/2010 - Southeast
6/19 & 6/20/2010 - Midwest
7/10/2010 - Northwest
8/21/2010 - Rockies
9/18 & 9/19/2010 - Northeast
10/9/2010 - Mid-Atlantic
10/30/2010 - NorCal

Two years ago...

2010-05-08T12:25:00.000-05:00

Two years ago, I stepped into Weight Watchers and signed up for the 5th or 6th time in my life. I had every hope that this time would be different than all those other failed attempts, but no real reason to actually believe it'd happen this time. The program works, I knew that walking in; I just struggled in the past with sticking with it. I'd get bored or frustrated or just fed up with being mindful of what I was eating and I'd quit. I was ready to give it another shot and anxious to see where I had gotten myself, having avoided scales for a full year since my last time quitting Weight Watchers. I knew I was going to be higher than the 325 I was at last time, but I was shocked to see 358.2 pounds: by far, I was in the worst shape of my life at 28 years old.

After the meeting, I sat down with my leader to discuss my goals and was told that, according to the BMI scale, I should be at maximum 179 pounds. That is exactly half the weight I was when I started this weight loss journey. I shook my head and frankly said "I'll never be able to get that low." She told me not to worry about it, that I should set smaller goals (like 10%, a whopping 35.8 pounds, 5 more than I'd ever lost in my life), that my doctor could sign a note if I wanted to maintain a weight higher than 179. I felt a bit overwhelmed, but wound up choosing 225 as my goal weight. I've never in my adult life been that low. By the time I finished growing up to the 5'11" (really? I couldn't have just grown that one last inch?) that I am today, I was already over 250 pounds.

There are commercials on the radio from time to time hocking some diet drug that ends with the tag line "get high school skinny." Well, fuck you fad diet advertisers. I've never been skinny. Not in college, not in high school, not in middle school, not even in grade school.

Two years ago, I was a completely different man. I snored heavily. I had severe back pain just trying to turn over in bed. I was wearing size 3X shirts and size 48 jeans, both of which were fairly tight and unflattering. I was a hot mess, but I was willing to do something about it. That was two years ago.

I don't recognize that guy anymore. I've lost over 130 pounds. I'm now just 2.6 pounds away from hitting that final goal of 225 pounds I'd set for myself on day 1. I'm not where I want to be yet, but the fact that I'm almost there is just incredible. I've come a long way in 2 years. I'll hit it, celebrate casually, go skydiving with some friends later this summer, then press on until I find the weight I intend to maintain.

I know I haven't posted in a while. I know a lot of you have been commenting on my last post asking where I am, how I'm doing, assuring me that no matter how bad it's gotten, I've got support in this community. I want you all to know those comments haven't fallen on deaf ears. I appreciate all of the encouragement, truly (especially the comment I got from BornSquishy).

So what's been happening? Well, I struggled with my eating and my exercise and gained about 20 pounds in 2 months. I went through some rough realizations about my relationship with my fiancee and parted ways with her. I finally broke out of the ranks of the unemployed; I've been working in my field now for 2 months. I got back on the wagon and lost all 20 of those pounds I'd gained in less than half the time it'd taken me to gain them. I ran a 3.51-mile obstacle course race with some friends in Texas (more on that tomorrow).

I'm on track to hit that 225-pound goal within the next couple of weeks, depending on how things go this coming week. I can't wait to share that success with yall.

Just shy of the new milestone...

2010-01-28T21:43:00.003-06:00

but I'm celebrating it anyhow.

I lost 3.4 at WI today after 2 weeks of really solid workouts and tracking. Recently, I've added 30 minutes of recumbent bike to my workout. It seems to have helped me along, and I'm happy with my progress on the elliptical as well, where I've been pushing my intensity ever so slightly.

To reach 125 lost, I needed to lose 3.6. I was seriously 0.2 shy. Oh well.... Enjoy!

Progress so far: 124.8 pounds.

Really wasn't expecting this one

2010-01-14T21:09:00.002-06:00

Wow. Just... wow. I know I kicked it into overdrive after the slip-up last Friday, but I completely surprised myself at weigh-in today.

Down 3.2 since last weigh-in (4 weeks ago). Just 6 days ago, I was fully prepared to face a gain. Color me impressed. Now To prove this is for real. Time for another week of solid focus and determination.

Progress so far: 121.4 pounds.

I should be committed

2010-01-14T10:50:00.001-06:00

Yesterday, during another energizing elliptical workout, I got a little bug in my ear that I should really thank my gym for all the help and support I've gotten in my weight loss journey. Letting my mind wander like that and think about what I'd say really helped me blast through the rest of my workout at a slightly higher-than-normal intensity without even really noticing.

When I climbed off, I wandered over to the trainers' desks and asked one if she had a moment. She's definitely one of my favorite staff at my gym, particularly when I lost my membership card and asked her if I could get another, she told me they would normally charge $15 for a replacement, but then she saw I was sporting an "I voted today" sticker (this was super Tuesday 08) she said she couldn't charge someone who had done their civil service.

Truth be told, everyone working at my gym is like that. From the moment I walk in the door and hear "have a good workout" from the person at the reception desk, to the knowing, encouraging nods I get from trainers as they walk by me sweating it out on the elliptical, to the "have a great day" as I head out the door, I just know I'm in my gym.

Anyhow, I sat down and told her how my journey started 20 months ago, and I didn't step foot in the gym until I was already 2 months and 30 pounds into it. I told her how grateful I am for my gym and the supportive staff there, how I couldn't have lost the additional 90 pounds without them and how I am confident that I will continue on to goal, maintenance and a lifetime of improving my fitness as long as I have such a strong system behind me. I could see in her eyes how much it meant for her to hear that. She pulled the GM of the club over to hear me tell him the same thing and he encouraged me to send in an email. He told me that more often than not, the people who speak up are the people who are unhappy with something because the majority that are pleased with their experience don't really feel the need to give feedback. I could just tell that sharing my story with them really brightened their day.

I was also handed this t-shirt, which I'm told is a very limited edition prize that only the most dedicated individuals earn. ;) So I sent my email. I hope it helps those trainers realize they are appreciated.

This morning, I hopped on the scale for a sneak peak and I may not be showing a gain after all. I still have 7 hours to go till WI, but right now, it's looking like I may maintain or even lose a little bit. Awesome! If I lose even a hair of weight, I'll be in the 230s for the first time, barely there, but there nonetheless. I'll just have to keep working it this next week and get a more solid grip on the new weight decade next week. It's gonna be a challenge this weekend, too. Tomorrow night, we are headed to a French bistro with some friends. Saturday, we head to the KU game and will be grabbing dinner at a BBQ joint, then it's make-up Christmas at my dad's Sunday.

I'll update this evening with the official result. Lates.

I feel so incredible

2010-01-12T21:16:00.000-06:00

Today has been one of the best days I can remember recently. I woke up feeling fresh and ready to face the day. I started cleaning up some dishes and for one reason or another I got a fire lit under my ass. I spent 2 and a half hours cleaning behind, around and inside the oven, the kitchen counter, sink and floor, the bathroom sink, toilet, floor and (with a lot of tilex and bleach) the bath tub.

After a great lunch and some more cleaning, I added 50 songs to my workout playlist, which I must admit has been getting a bit old after a year and a half of the same 36 songs. I headed to the gym later than usual. I got there smack in the middle of the evening rush. It took me 5 minutes to find a parking spot. Not a nearby space, just any space. By the time I was ready to work out, it was 5.30 and there wasn't a single Lifefitness elliptical open. None of the 18 treadmills were available either. I grudgingly climbed on a Precor elliptical and got to work. It was different, not too difficult, just awkward and unfamiliar. I kept glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone was leaving my preferred machines, and a couple of times I spotted an open machine, but didn't bother heading over to it because I could see someone headed for it already.

Finally, 11 minutes in on my slightly clumsy workout, one opened up right behind me and I lept on it right away. The rest of my workout was familiar and focused. I really enjoyed my new playlist tracks as well.

After I got home, I took advantage of my freshly-cleaned tub and took a nice, long, extremely steamy shower. I reheated some delicious steak tips and peppered mushroom gravy (courtesy of my fiancee's new Cooking Light subscription), curled up and started watching Biggest Loser.

I had this feeling just wash over me. I don't know if it was the housework accomplishment, the solid workout, the comforting shower or the delicious dinner (most likely the whole day coming together), but I just felt extremely good. The only way I can describe it is the polar opposite of a wave of nausea. What a fantastic day.

Continue

2010-01-11T10:44:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, my weight loss is in a zone where nothing could derail me. It is during those times that I will lose fierce amounts of weight and my motivation will soar. So why, if the weight loss is a strong cycle of effort, reward and drive do I so frequently halt that solid progress and lapse into a period of negligible loss (or worse, gain)? I have a compulsive need to celebrate and reward those periods of focused loss with a short (sometimes just a single meal) relaxed grip on the program.

Most recently, I gave myself permission to indulge on Christmas. I knew it was going to slow down my solid progress, but it hit me hard. I worked my butt off and was hoping to weigh in on the 8th with at least a maintain from my previous weigh in on the 17th. Well, that didn't happen. I was facing a gain and let myself get talked out of going to weigh-in. Weather, gain, first meeting of the new year... blah blah blah. Instead, I went to a buffet and indulged again.

The following morning, I felt that all-too-familiar remorse and was certain I was going to get back on the wagon full force and post a loss at the next upcoming weigh-in. Well, then an email arrived that delivered some bad news on a job that I thought for sure I was going to get. That would have been the end to a four-and-a-half-month stretch of unemployment. I responded by devouring the remains of a bag of tortilla chips and half a frozen pizza, then a burrito from chipotle. Had I not felt stuffed to the point of pain, I would have eaten 800 Calories worth of monkey bread as well.

I know I'm still an emotional eater, but I also know that I've fallen 142 times in this weight loss journey. I've stood back up and dusted myself off 142 times too. That's all I can ask of myself. I know I'll never be able to be the perfect loser that can go from huge to tiny without a single hiccup along the way. Instead, I have to be the loser that can recognize his mistakes and continue the process.

So here I am, freshly back on the wagon and determined to succeed. I'll likely post a gain this Thursday, but so what? At least it won't be a 40 pound gain, right?

My first trip to the gym all year

2010-01-05T11:15:00.000-06:00

It's January. Everyone is ready to lose some weight. It makes it a lot harder to find a open parking spot, an open locker or an open machine, but letting that stop me would just be an excuse. I've got a bag full of those, so I really don't need another. Yesterday, I stepped back into the gym for the first time since last year (ie last Tuesday), and got the stare-down from my old buddy, the elliptical.
I respectfully climbed on and got to work. I haven't changed my routine up for a while now. I was briefly doing interval training last fall. This routine had me warming up with a 75rpm sprint for 8 minutes, then dropping to a 60rpm jog for 2 minutes. After that, I'd just go from 70 for 3 minutes to 60 for 2 minutes back and forth for an hour, but I kept increasing the duration of the sprint until I had worked my way up to my current workout, which is an 80rpm sprint long enough to get my heartrate up to 180, then drop down to 71-73rpm for the rest of the one-hour workout (with random bursts of 77-80rpm charged by whatever song happens to come on the mp3 player).

The workout was pretty brutal after my lack of consistency over the Christmas season, but I survived it at full force and am very happy with that. I'm still sucking at incorporating weights into my regimen and am starting to think I may just need some trainer assistance on that front. That may need to wait until I have a job. In the meantime, I think I'll just keep doing what I'm doing on the elliptical and start increasing intensity in one way or another, possibly by adding 5 minutes to the duration over the next few months like I did when I first started. That is, after all, how I worked my way up from 30 to 60 minutes.

I'm really happy with where I am in the weight loss arena right now. My eating and tracking are spot on. My workout intensity is right where I want it. My motivation in general is at an all-time high, and my urge to binge is reasonably low. I'm thinkin TwentyTen is gonna be a good'n.

Another New Year

2010-01-02T10:17:00.002-06:00

What does the new year mean to me? Remotivation toward my weightloss? The beginning of something new and exciting? The start of the year I reach my goal/get married? All of those, to be sure, but unfortunately, I'm a curmudgeon and the first thing that enters my head is the rush of people with resolutions cramming themselves into my gym and my meetings. It's crazy. It's going to be crazy until Valentine's Day. Ugh. But then, I'm repeating myself.

When I posted at this time last year, I was 8 months and 72 pounds into this weight loss journey. Now, another year later, I've learned a lot about myself and my weight loss. I've slipped heavily and recovered from it. I didn't hit my goal last year like I thought I was going to as 2009 began, but I have managed to lose another 46 pounds. Considering I gained back 40 pounds in the middle of the year, I'm very happy with how I handled myself with the whole thing. Do I regret letting myself get that out of control? Certainly, but in the scheme of things, I am going to have to learn how to live in the real world and maintain my weight for the rest of my life.

I know it's going to be a very big challenge. It's going to take a lot of education and feeling it out for this whole thing to become intuitive. I have a lot of tools at my disposal. Some of those, I've taken for granted these past several months. That's the past. This is a new year. I'm going to put a real effort into keeping this blog more active. If nothing else, I'd really like to update weekly.

Speaking of updates, I survived the holidays and am still working off a little bit of Christmas gain, but it really wasn't that bad and I think it will be all gone by my next weigh-in on the 8th. I may even post a loss, which would be fantastic. I'm just 1.8 from hitting 120, another 5 from my 5th trinket and just 8 more from there to the "final goal" I set for myself 20 months ago when I started this journey. That's incredible.

I'll be interested to see how this year pans out for me. I'm definitely ready for it.

Update

2009-12-10T20:47:00.003-06:00

As promised. I was very pleased to see I was a bit under on my estimate. Down 4.2 for the week!

Progress so far: 115.2 pounds.

Where am I?

2009-12-10T16:25:00.002-06:00

I'm still here. I'm still alive. I'm still pushing my way through the summer's gain to get back where I was in July. I'm still sucking serious ass at updating my blog.

Since I last checked in, over 2 months ago, I struggled with my weightlifting and wound up falling back to my cardio routine. I had another slipup and gained a few, so I took advantage of what was going to be an ugly gain anyhow and switched from weighing in workout clothes to weighing in street clothes. That added about 3 pounds to that and all subsequent weigh-ins. I'll switch back to workout clothes when spring returns, but in the meantime, I'm tracking what the scale says.

What it has said to me recently has been very encouraging. The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were solid food-wise, but a bit sucky workout-wise, and the losses were pretty skeezy (for me) at about 1 pound per week. I decided to get through the holidays this year just like I did last year. I got back into a consistent gym regimen (even working out Thanksgiving day), I planned ahead for the three Thanksgiving dinners my fiancee and I attended, followed through on those plans and continued to show discipline and focus in my eating and tracking. With a canceled meeting on Thanksgiving, I was fully two weeks into my re-focused weight loss before I had to face the scale again last week. The scale must have heard about all my hard work because it rewarded me with a 7.2 pound loss. Today, I anticipate another solid loss in the neighborhood of 3 pounds.

After this weigh-in, I'll face a holiday party this weekend, the beginning of another round of holiday eating challenges. After that, we'll head out of town to visit my father and friends in my old home town next weekend. Next is the Christmas gauntlet, which will include visits to her family on Christmas eve followed by lunch with my paternal grandmother and family on Christmas day and maternal grandparents and family that evening. This is going to be slightly more challenging than Thanksgiving was, but I am confident that my success so far will carry me through the rest of the year. My goal is to not miss a meeting between now and January 7th without showing a gain at any of them. Since the meeting will be once again canceled on Christmas eve, I'll have a pad to help me through all of that. It won't be easy, but it'll be totally worth it.

This is where I apologize like I have in my last 10 posts about how lame I've been about updating this blog. It's all just empty promises at this point isn't it? I'm sure I've lost a lot of followers thanks to my weak-ass blogging for the past 6 months. I won't entertain any notion that I'll be back to where I was, updating every day, but I'll definitely try to be a little more consistent for those of you who stuck it out for me. Cool? Tell ya what. If you trust me, I guarantee I'll post again tonight with my official weigh-in results. Till then, thanks!

Ow.

2009-10-06T16:07:00.003-05:00

Just finished my workout. Today, I went back to weight training after months of being out of it. Like... lots of months.

I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then headed to the upper body circuit. After doing 2 of my intended three trips around the circuit, my arms were dead. Like... started at 10 reps of 130 on the bench and ended not being able to push half that. Dead.

Since I still had 10 minutes left on the full hour workout I'd intended, I hopped on the stairmaster for 10 minutes, which I've never done before and found to also be quite challenging.

Eesh. After I got home, I found it difficult to even shampoo my hair. I just couldn't lift my arms up that high for more than a few seconds.

Seriously, ow.

That said, I still feel absolutely fantastic about being back at this thing full force. I'm confident that another week or two of this and I'll be seriously rockin the workouts.

True to form

2009-10-05T16:42:00.002-05:00

As I promised you, myself and the rest of the world yesterday, I am striving to make this a solid month of weight loss. To me, that means staying on top of my nutrition, working it in the gym to get back to the proper level of training and updating this blog much more regularly than I have these past few months.

I just finished my workout and had my afternoon snack. I feel fantastic. Since I got back on the wagon, I think my workouts have been pretty poor. Not working out for so long seems to have knocked me back a few pegs. Today, I was determined to show myself what I can do on the elliptical. I feel very good about the hour I did today. I never felt like I was overexerting myself, but I pushed myself and am very satisfied with the 175bpm average and 1200 calories burned I got out of it.

My post-workout snack consisted of a small banana, 3½ oz of strawberries, some yogurt and a banana nut fiberone muffin. Absolutely delicious and very refreshing. I really love how good I'm feeling on my nutrition and I feel like my fitness will be on the same level very soon.

Tomorrow, I get back into weights training.

A year ago...

2009-10-04T17:55:00.002-05:00

Last year, I fell off the wagon in October. I spent a majority of the month not working out, not tracking, and gaining unknown amounts of weight before I got my butt back in gear. I pushed myself for the final week of the month before going back to weigh in on November 1st. I had gained a pound. It wasn't devastating, but I was disappointed to have lost a month of weightloss.

That month-long slip motivated me to get back in the gym (I even worked out on Thanksgiving morning) and track my food so militantly that I managed to pull losses over both Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays despite visiting both my and my fiancee's family on both occasions. That streak of motivation wound up carried me through 30 pounds of loss over the course of 2 ½ months, an average of more than 2.5 pounds per week. During that time, I had not a single gaining week. I saw myself through some very significant milestones, particularly my final goodbye to the 300s and entry into the 200s.

Having another month like last October would have been a bad enough setback, but the one I had this summer, culminating in a ridiculous 42-pound gain was just crazy. I'm still fighting to get back to where I was in the middle of July at 241.8 pounds. Similar to last time, I let the gain motivate me to get back in the game. While my workouts are still not where I'd like them to be, I have been very good about my tracking. These past two weeks (apologies for not updating sooner), I've lost another 1.8 and 2.0 pounds respectively.

I'm now down 27.4 pounds since I ended the binging 6 weeks ago -- an average of 4/week that seems to be settling out to a more reasonable 2/week. In less than 13 pounds, I'll be back where I was. I intend to reach that 241.8 and let my momentum carry me on through the holidays, perhaps even reaching that original 225 goal before year.

Right now, I'm feeling very empowered and enthusiastic about my weight loss journey. I could sit here and lament over the fact that I'm still re-losing weight I had already once lost or that I should already be below 225 if not for that gain, but instead, I choose to hold my head high and recognize that I'm human and these things will happen. I'm just glad I caught myself before I'd done more damage.

So here's to a new October, one that'll be much better than last October. Here's to getting back to where I think I should be with my workouts. Here's to life.

Pressing on

2009-09-17T21:10:00.002-05:00

Just finished my delicious and reasonable spaghetti and meatballs dinner and it's time to share my weekly reflection. I didn't indulge at the wedding, just as planned, but I slept in the following morning and skipped breakfast (something I never do). I was so hungry by lunch-time that I talked myself into going to the Chinese buffet.

I knew I was walking into danger territory, but it has been a long time since I've had Chinese and I personally think the buffet there has the best chicken teriyaki and spare ribs of any other place I've been. I kept my head, ate slowly and listened to my hunger signals. When I decided I was satisfied, I stopped. I didn't go back and get some donuts, cream puffs and ice cream like I previously had so many times. I just put down my fork, paid my bill and left. In fact, I only had one plate of a small portion of each of my favorite dishes. I didn't go back 4 times or fill up the plate to overflowing proportions. My body knew it, too.

Whereas I normally would have walked away stuffed to the gills, almost feeling sick to my stomach and sluggish for the remainder of the day, I just felt like I'd satisfied a craving without overdoing it. I was really happy with that experience. I did my best to track my points for the day and determined that I didn't have more than 30 points (1500 Calories) at that meal. Awesome.

After the weekend, I got back to the gym. I won't lie, it was ridiculously challenging after being out of it for so long. I had a stitch in my side and a pain in my shoulder that were very distracting, but I pressed on and did a full hour on the elliptical, burning about 1000 Calories. Then, I climbed on the recumbent bike for an additional 30 minutes. The next day, things got easier, but by no means back to the level I was out say... 4 months ago. Wednesday, I couldn't find the motivation to go and today I rationalized that working out would have negatively influenced weigh-in. Altogether, I am nowhere near where I need to be with the exercise, but my food continues to be very solid, enough so to pick up the slack.

The scale was kind, showing 3.8 for the week, bringing me to 99.8 overall. Just shy of that hundie I fought so hard to get last spring. I'm now 23.6 down since the big gain. Just 16.6 to go before I'm back in the black.

This week: continue rocking the food choices and put in no less than 6 hours at the gym. Starting tomorrow.

Climbing out of the muck

2009-09-11T11:47:00.004-05:00

Weigh-in last night was solid. I felt really good all week and the scale actually followed through on that feeling. After losing 13.2 a couple of weeks ago, I still had 27 to go to break even with where I was in July before my massive wipeout. Now, I'm down another 6.6, leaving me with 20.4 to go. I'm halfway back to where I should never have left. Yeah, I've lost a lot of ground and wasted a lot of time. I probably should have been down to 225 and below by now, but what's done is done. All I can do is claw my way back.

Now, I don't expect the other half of this added weight to just drop off like the first 20 did. That said, I managed to drop that much without getting back on the workout bus, something I am determined to do starting today and carrying on through to goal.

Speaking of goals, gaining all this weight was particularly painful to me because it erased my triple digit accomplishment I was so proud to hit last May. Now, I'm just 4 pounds from hitting that goal again. How fitting, I lost my 100 pound charm sometime in the last 3 weeks, so when I get it back at my meeting where I weigh in below 258.2 again. That's just a little bit more motivation that I need.

Checking in

2009-09-09T14:52:00.002-05:00

Hey guys. I obviously failed another week of posting, but I'm still here and I'm still going to try my hardest not to fall back into a habit of not posting. So today, I'm going to give some much needed updates.

I've been a little remiss in not telling yall what's been happening since August 29th, but I just realized I never told ya a big piece of news that also came while I was off the wagon. On Tuesday, July 28th, I popped the question to my girlfriend of 2 years. We're still reeling in that reality and just getting started on the wedding planning. It's going to be December, 2010, so we've got plenty of time to plan and save, but that also gives us 16 months to get into the best shape of our lives. Hot-ass bride and groom incoming!

So I missed weigh-in last Thursday. I have no excuse. We just didn't go. Fear not. I'll have an update tomorrow evening. Promise. I have been really failing the workouts. I still don't have the motivation to get there. I did mow the lawn on Labor day, which is a pretty serious workout with the size of lot I have, but I just haven't found the urge to march my ass into the gym. That's pretty sad considering A) I have a metric shitton of free time seeing as I've been unemployed for a week and a half and B) I seriously need to work all this gained weight back off so I can be back to where I was just 2 months ago. That said, I've been rocking the OP-osity on tracking, and that feels really good. I know I won't work out today and I don't want to mess up myself with some water-retention before weigh-in so I won't tomorrow either. I'm going to really try to motivate myself to go Friday and M-W of next week.

This weekend, I visit my old home-town to attend a wedding. Those are always fun eat-and-drink-a-thons. I think I'll set a precedent for myself to the contrary.

The Dining Out Test

2009-08-29T10:23:00.002-05:00

I'm making a real effort to get back into the daily posting habit, so while I'm still lacking in the muse factor, these may be boring or brief. Or both! Either way, I really believe this blogging thing helps me stay on track, so I'm gonna try.

Yesterday was a pretty bittersweet half-day of work. I finished up all my notes, reports and binders and handed those to my supervisor. I showed one of the associates where all my cold stores, frozen stocks and cultures were. I handed in my badge and I left. It's sad knowing that after 7 months of interning they have no positions available, but I gained a lot of valuable experience there and I will come away with two really good letters of recommendation. I'll put those to use over the coming weeks as I search for employment.

I had my standard breakfast of cereal and a FiberOne muffin, I didn't have my usual mid-morning snack as we were out of bananas, and before I left the lab, I heated up some leftover chicken marsala and whole wheat couscous and had those with a light yogurt, an orange and some baby carrots for lunch. Once I got home, I just kind of vegged out for a while. I can definitely tell I'm going to get very bored of unemployment very quickly. Around 4 or so, I grabbed some hummus, an ounce of pita chips, 2 green onions and some more baby carrots for a quick and easy snack to tide me over until dinner at 7.

Dinner was planned about a week ago when we invited another couple to go to a cajun restaurant with us. Dining out is frequently a challenge for me, especially when it's a social occasion with friends. I've remarked before that my family and friends have no idea how healthy I eat because whenever I'm with them I revert to poor choices and bigger portions than normal. Seeing as I've only been on the wagon for a week, though, I really wanted to stay within reason. I left myself with 17 points, so it's not like I had no room to enjoy myself, but I could easily eat double that with just a po' boy. Instead, I only had one of the gator bites we ordered for the table and one slice of bread from the basket and for my entree, instead of getting something fried like I normally would have, I got a bowl of gumbo. It was really tasty and filling, but best of all, I felt rather accomplished to have passed this little field test for myself.

We had discussed the possibility of hitting up the drive-in after dinner because both features were flicks I wanted to see (Halloween 2 and Inglourious Basterds), but everyone was too tired. I think the little lady and I will be going tonight instead. Maybe I'll bring some microwaved popcorn. Have a good Saturday.

Time and dedication

2009-08-28T10:23:00.003-05:00

So I've been pretty busy since I last checked in. I started going back to meetings. My first was last week, Thursday evening. What used to be my fall back, "gonna be out of town this weekend" meeting has quickly become my favorite meeting (and not just because it means I can sleep in on Saturday mornings now, but that is a nice perk). The leader there is closer to my age (come to think of it, so is the entirety of that meeting's attendees) and the meetings in general seem to have a more driven vibe. While there aren't as many life-timers at this meeting, I think this is the one for me now.

So I walked in, unprepared for the bad weigh-in, but willing to accept what it said. I say unprepared because I didn't have my weigh-in clothes and had to hop on the scale in my street clothes. There's an instant +1 or 2 pounds right there. Add to that I usually weigh in the mornings and my weight can fluctuate by 3 or 4 pounds from morning to evening and also water retention from the weeks of bad eating and blah blah blah....

It was bad, OK? Worse than I thought, but at least I stopped it before I gained it all back. So +40.2 was a bit devastating, but again, very artificially high. Cest la vie. I'm back on the wagon, there's nowhere to go from here but down.

As it turned out, I picked a very appropriate week to get back at it. The topic of conversation was dealing with failures and slipups in one's weight loss journey. A bit apropos, eh?

I had intended to get back into the swing of things with some aggressive workouts, but alas my internship was not as finished as I'd expected. I spent this entire week coming in and making revisions to my submission for the assay I've been designing in order to get it up to presentation state and to get my assay approved for commercial use. So I didn't get any workouts in this last week. What I did manage to do was track. Militantly. Without forgiveness. Everything I ate.

The weight gain gave me 4 extra points per day and I managed to eat all of them several of the days. I even used a few weeklies. I felt very solid all week and expected it to show on the scale.

It did. Last night, I came in at 268.8 (in my usual weigh-in clothes), down 13.2 from the "reset" point. I've still got a lot of ground to cover before I'm back to where I was before, but at least I've got myself to a state where I know this is what I weigh and I don't have to wonder how accurate that number is.

So now I'm officially +27 from my lowest weight. That's still pretty painful to see, but I am confident I'll get that all off and continue on from there. It'll just take time and dedication. Two things I should have in abundance as I finish my internship today (for real) and proceed into the ruthless job hunt market. Monday, I'll be back to working out. Until then, I will continue to track and make sure I'm following the program.

I think I'll feel a lot better when I'm down to 258.2 again. I don't feel right having less than triple digits lost up there.

Hitting the reset button

2009-08-19T09:58:00.004-05:00

It's been a month since I went to a weigh-in. It's been more than that since I worked out. I haven't just fallen off the wagon, I've failed myself bigtime. I've backslided. A lot. I ate some ridiculous stuff from day to day. I didn't even dare to track that garbage, but rest assured I had a few 100-150 point days in the past 31 days.

So great, I've erased a ton of progress. I don't have an official weigh-in and I really hope this looks worse than it is, but this morning, the home scale said somewhere in the range of +30. A pound a day. I've really shot myself in the foot here, but whatever, I caught it, I've recognized that I'm nowhere near ready to do this on my own and I'm ready to get back on track.

I have today and 2 more days left on my internship, then I'm unemployed (and yes, I realize that reality may have contributed to my backsliding). I still have a membership at 24hour fitness and I'm obviously going to have a lot of free time on my hands while I continue the job hunt. I think I'm going to get back to the workout routine slowly and begin incorporating some weights, core training and group-x classes as I ease myself into 3-hour-a-day workouts.

Today, I'm back to tracking 101 (a bit apropos, this is my 101st post). I even measured my cereal and milk. Tonight, I'll read through my week 1 material and tomorrow, I'm going back to meetings. I'll go Saturday morning as well for my official morning weigh-in. I keep telling myself I can't do this without meetings and without blogging, so I really can't blame anyone but myself for failing so hard when I stopped doing both. I don't know if I've rediscovered my motivation or not, but we'll see.

It took me a month to put all this on, it'll take me probably 3 to get it back off, but I'm going to try as hard as I can.

The power of determination

2009-07-16T10:55:00.002-05:00

I'm kinda misfiring a lot here on the workouts. I didn't do yoga last night. I worked right through it. I got to bed and fast asleep by 10 last night, but I still couldn't get out of bed for my morning workout. I'm having some severe sleep issues. I should not be needing as much sleep as I'm getting and it still feels like not enough. I really can't imagine I'm still knocked back from the strep seeing as I've been symptom free for almost a week and on antibiotics for more than that.

Regardless, I'm determined to have a good weigh-in as evidenced by my extremely disciplined tracking, planning and follow-through on eating. I've been on point with that all week and feel absolutely no inkling that cart will sway me this evening. I will not be denied. Will I work out tonight? I don't know. I really want to, but given my track record this week I honestly don't know. I owe it to myself, though because it's just retarded to be working so hard on the nutrition side and be so neglectful on the activity side. So, here's to getting back on the horse. Er... elliptical.

...or not

2009-07-15T13:09:00.002-05:00

Hopped on the elliptical and plugged away for about twenty minutes before I was feeling some serious burning in my throat that I'm not used to. I really wanted to press through it, but coming off strep, I managed to convince myself that it may be something I shouldn't ignore. I probably could have, but oh well. What's done is done. I still had the morning workout to look forward to, right? Nope! Slept in. I got in bed by 9.30 last night, probably fell asleep around 10.30 and still didn't manage to wake up refreshed and ready to go at 6.00 like I'd hoped. Lame.

Tonight is yoga, I know I'll be able to get through that no problem and it's a pretty decent workout. Tomorrow morning will be my next attempt at restarting my 30-day EA Sports Active challenge. I'm hoping a nice solid 90+ minutes of exercise tonight will help me get some rest and help me wake up early enough to get on it tomorrow.

In other news, I forgot to mention that I've finally built up enough of a well-fitting wardrobe to finally toss every single remnant of my 3X life out of the rotation. I now have a lot of stuff that needs to be donated or sold at garage sale. It's so nice to never have to wear clothes that big again. It feels incredible to wear clothing that actually fits and I'm getting used to being in a more snug top. Today, I'm rockin the argyle T. I'm also down to a size 36 pants, which is just phenomenal considering I started in a tight pair of 48s. That belt I bought in April is now either on the 4th or the 5th hole depending on what pants I'm in. *flex*

Back to working out

2009-07-14T13:37:00.002-05:00

So the strep diet is over (I'll be done with my antibiotics on Thursday) and I'm ready to get back to working out. Last night didn't happen. I was in the lab till 7pm, so no elliptical for me. Last night I got to sleep by 10, but I still didn't manage to drag ass out of bed early enough to get back on the EA Sports Active morning workouts that I was doing so well on before. I really need to get this early-morning lack of energy thing nipped in the bud.

So, I'm committing myself to getting in an hour on the elliptical tonight. Tomorrow, I really want to get back on the 30-day challenge, so I'm going to do my best to be in bed and asleep by 10 tonight, preferably settled by 9.30 so I have some time to fall asleep. Tomorrow is also yoga, so I'm going to try my hardest to be done with work by 4.30 so I can get in half an hour on the elliptical before that.

Aside from (or in spite of) the lack of workouts, I feel like my progress from Saturday's weigh-in is pretty solid. I know it's awfully early to be making a prediction, but I think this week is going to be another big loss. With 3½ days to go, that remains to be seen. I have cart to contend with still and my track record of late isn't too hot with that. For the past 6 weeks, I've either worked through it, been home sick, or indulged very heavily in its snacky goodness. Worse than that, I've developed a habit of grabbing extra bars of chocolate and bags of reese's pieces to bring home and either devour myself or tempt my girlfriend. That has got to stop.

So here goes. I have 3 hours of work to get through, then it's time to hit the elliptical, a friend I haven't seen in a week and a half.

Back on the tracks

2009-07-11T10:17:00.002-05:00

Quick flyby here. I have a lot of nothin to do today and I wanna get an early start. The little lady and I are taking a break after too many busy weekends in a row, so we've made plans to cook a nice little finger-food dinner for ourselves, lay around, play some games and watch some movies. I started the day with a nice meeting and WI. I lost 9.6 since that 7.0 gain 2 weeks ago. A large part of that can be attributed to the strep, but I'll take it. I'm keeping the points reasonable today (rather than my usual 15-20 weeklies in addition to my daily allotment), I'll carry this energy forward through the week, get back on the old workout wagon and ride the wave of recovery through the rest of the summer and hopefully to that 225 goal.

Good to be back. Good to see some movement on the scale in the right direction. Good to be not sick. Good to be alive.

Progress so far: 113.8 pounds

Not doing so well on my reunion tour, huh?

2009-07-10T09:11:00.003-05:00

I guess I hadn't really anticipated how busy the holiday weekend and following week would be for me. I was hoping to get in more blog posts this week, but unfortunately, I got thumped pretty hard with strep. On Monday, I woke with a twinge in my throat and by that afternoon, I was shivering at my desk, counting the minutes until I could pile into my car, drive home and climb into bed. When I finally did just that, I first found that the summer heat, which had brought my car's interior up to well over 100° wasn't enough to make me feel comfortable. I continued to shiver the whole drive home with the windows up and the A/C off. Once home, I wrapped myself in a couple of layers, a sheet and a blanket and left the fan off. I never once broke a sweat, despite all this heat I was pumping into myself, a sure indication something was up. My girlfriend came home to find me in my pathetic state and popped a thermometer in my mouth, followed shortly thereafter by the last of our acetaminophen. My fever was 102°. My throat was as raw as can be. I refused to let that stop me from enjoying the pulled pork we'd planned. I managed to eat a small serving of dinner, but I was still feeling pretty miserable.

In fact, I was out of commission for the next several days. I would wake up each morning with a slightly lower fever from the night before, 100.5 on Tuesday morning, 102.7 that night, 99.9 Wednesday morning, then it finally broke Wednesday afternoon around the same time I had finally gotten my script filled from my doctor's appointment that morning. Oh, and I apparently have a pretty bad ear infection on the right side as well. "You don't feel that?" "No, my pounding headache, swollen, raw throat and throbbing adenoids must be distracting me."

So I've been on antibiotics for 36 hours at this point. I'm back into the land of the living. Yay for completely knocking me off my "back to working out" kick. I got a whole bunch of nothin done this week. Luckily, the lack of appetite and huge caloric demand garnered from immune defense have made up for it. I'm down... a lot. I guess we'll see tomorrow morning just how much.

Now that I'm back on my feet, I'm going to take the loss (unhealthily achieved though it may be) and run with it. I intend to get in a light workout tomorrow morning, weigh in, forgo the usual excess that is high-point Saturday and press on with a solid week. I'm determined to keep my ass in gear and I will not be denied.

Prodigal blah blah blah....

2009-07-01T11:01:00.005-05:00

I really appreciate all the well wishes and emails encouraging me to come back. I really wish I hadn't lost so much motivation. It turned out to be a lot more than just blogging. I slipped a bit here and there on my weight loss, then wound up completely jumping ship (literally) when I went for a trip to the lake with some friends the weekend before last. Beginning two days before that and extending the entire following week, I just didn't track. I made poor choices, I got ridiculously intoxicated on that Friday, I stopped working out altogether. My mood and sleep schedule both began to go to shit and my work in the lab started to suffer as well. I know a lot of that is caused by the lack of exercise. I've come to rely on the boost it gives me and I truly missed it when I fell out of the habit.

Until then, although the losses were coming slowly, I was seeing some pretty decent progress in the way clothes fit and the way I was feeling in terms of fitness. I was actually doing really well in getting in daily workouts on both EA Sports Active (30 minutes M, Tu and Th-Sa mornings) as well as my usual elliptical workouts and Wednesday yoga. I felt really good about the progress I made on EA Sports and while I still haven't done my comprehensive review, I can tell you it's coming and it's going to be really positive. My falling off the wagon caused me to miss my final 5 workouts that would have completed the 30-day challenge, but I've hopped back on the wagon as of last Saturday and restarted the 30-day challenge yesterday. This time, I'm determined to stick with it.

The last time I fell off the wagon was in October and that time, I stopped going to the gym, I stopped going to WW meetings and I stopped tracking. When I came back to my senses, I spent a week getting my butt in gear, then went back to my meeting on November 1st and found myself up one pound. It would have been a lot more if not for the determination I'd had the week prior to reverse the damage. Last Saturday, I found myself in a similar situation. I weighed in at +7.0 for the two weeks (missed the previous week while I was at the lake), which after coming in at +1.2 at the weigh-in before that was quit a punch to the gut. That's just what I needed to see too because I've been pretty militant with my tracking since then. Even Saturday, being my usual high-point indulgence day was fairly reserved.

I won't see where I stand for another week and a half since my WW site is closed on the 4th. That's probably for the best because it gives me a full 7 days extra to take off all I've gained and try to make some forward progress on the scale. I hope I react to this bad month like I did in November. After coming off the October slump, I got on a big roll of tracking, exercising and attending meetings with renewed vigor and those efforts showed up on the scale with big losses. I know I'm slowing down and that's ok, but it'd be really nice to see another 3-4 pound loss for a few weeks. I want to go sky diving while the weather is still nice, and with almost 30 to go now, that's no small task.

I think now that I'm back on the wagon and a new month is here, now is as good a time as any to get back to blogging. I'll make every effort to get back into the habit of daily posts for this month. I'm serious when I say I couldn't do this without yall and I think this past blogless month has proven that quite well. Thanks for being there for me, everyone.

"Update, yo"

2009-05-24T08:33:00.004-05:00

Those words spoke more to me than all the inward reflection I've done this last week combined. Well, here it comes, and this one is a long one too.

I really wish I was more motivated to blog recently, I honestly do. I'm just not feelin it of late. I'm in a place where I just can't find the urge to post, read, comment or anything. I've actually had quite a lot going on that would have been great blogging material, but the desire to share just hasn't been there. I haven't fallen off the weight loss wagon. I'm still chuggin along. I weighed in yesterday at 248, just 0.8 lost from 2 weeks prior, but that one was right after a 5k, so it was artificially low. Yesterday's may have been artificially high as well. I was feeling pretty sore -- especially in the quads, hams and gluts -- thanks to this weeks workouts. More on that in a bit.

Regardless of where I actually am, it'll all even out in the end. I was hoping to be 245 at this point for a Memorial Day challenge on the WW Guys on a Diet forum. I didn't make it, but considering I started at 271.8, I made a good show of it. I guess technically I'll get one more weigh-in to make weight, so I may have made it after all. I guess we'll see.

I got a lawnmower last weekend. Used it once already and I have to say I grossly overestimated the amount of time it would take to mow my lot with a push mower. Up until last week I was paying a kid to mow it for me. $30 for the area around my house and an extra 10 for the lot to the south. He used two of those very fast stand-up riders to get it done and it took him about 15-20 minutes to do the whole thing. I guessed with one less mower, a smaller deck and having to push it, I'd take 3-4 hours to mow it. I got it done in about 2½ (60 minutes by my girl and 90 by me). I'd imagine we could get it done in 2. That was a good feeling knowing that I was taking care of my own property finally and getting a decent workout in doing it.

Speaking of workouts, I've got a new tool in my little arsenal now. Back when the buzz was starting to get some momentum going, I was reading up about EA SPORTS Active, an "interactive and customized home fitness product for the Nintendo Wii that gives you the benefit of a 'personal trainer in a box.'" I got really interested in the product. It was being advertised as a more Western approach to fitness in response to the Eastern approach of Wii Fit. Whereas Wii Fit focuses on balance and yoga, EA Sports Active promises a more active workout that'll get you sweating. I was intrigued, so I sent an email to EA's PR department expressing an interest in reviewing their promising new addition to the slew of Wii fitness games. I was a bit surprised when I got a response a week later. I was told that a copy of the game would be sent on the 19th (its official US release date). I got my package on Thursday and dove headfirst into it. With only 30 minutes of use under my belt, here's my first impression of the game.

I opened up the box and found everything I was expecting to find based on the previews and advertising I'd read. There was the game itself, a neoprene leg strap and a red resistance band. I popped the game in and put on the strap, ready to rock. I was first asked to set up an avatar in the game to represent myself. I was able to adjust the hair, accessories, clothes, shoes and apparent body shape of my pixelated self. The Wii Fit me is a tubby little guy that while cartoony looks a lot like me. The EA SPORTS Active me, on the other hand, doesn't look all that much like me at all. The hair is right, but the face and body shape aren't very accurate. I set it to the biggest body the game had available, but that isn't very big at all. Nevermind the fact that I was over 100 pounds bigger than this. I'm still too big to be well represented here. But that's not why I was interested in the game, so I could honestly care less. I pressed on. I opted to start the 30 day challenge, a guided tour of the game that introduces the player to all the 20+ exercises targetting upper body, lower body and cardio.

I was given the option for a high, medium or low intensity workout. I set it to "high" while I thought in the back of my mind "yeah, right..." See, I've always thought that Wii Fit was kind of a joke in terms of workout. Granted rhythm boxing, hula hooping, advanced step and island running will work up a sweat, but not like this. With the constant feedback and rapid succession of different workouts, I was sweating in 3 minutes and didn't stop until the end. I got much better feedback on the running activities than I EVER got from Wii Fit. The instructional videos made everything very clear. The trainer was unapologetic when it came time to correct my mistakes and didn't let me have more than a few moments' rest between exercises. I like that this game focuses less on BMI/weight progress or time spent "playing" and more on calories consumed and perceived exertion.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't sore as all hell for the next two days thanks to this game. I used muscles I haven't engaged in quite a while. I like it. I'll definitely be putting this game to good use as I progress through the 30 day challenge. I'll bring you more updates as I find my way back into blogging.

Pushups are doing well too. I finished week 2 a ways behind schedule, but I made it. I did a new exhaustion test Wednesday evening and was right where I'd hoped to be at this point. I managed 25 good form pushups before I felt pretty spent. I'll be pressing on with week three tomorrow.

So there ya go. I updated. I dunno if I'll be posting more this week or if it'll be another 7 days before you hear from me again. Time will tell. Rest assured, though, I'll be back and I'll continue losing the weight like it's my job. Later.

MIA

2009-05-17T21:18:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling a bit lost in terms of blogging right now. I haven't quit or anything, but I've definitely been lacking in the motivation to post for the past week. I missed weigh-in yesterday morning and truth be told I have no idea where I am right now. Between my grandparents' 60th anniversary dinner, my girlfriend's classmates' graduation party and my own graduation celebration, I had a pretty rough week as far as weight loss is concerned. I missed a couple of workouts and had a few less than healthy meals.

I also had an appointment with my physician, who was happy to confirm that my labs are all in range. She approved of my decision to ditch my blood pressure meds and she dropped my metformin dose a touch. I should be off that one pretty soon.

What else? Oh, I hit up Old Navy this past week. I have never bought any clothes from there before mainly because they don't carry fat man stuff, but their prices are pretty hard to ignore when I'm living on a budget, plus they have some pretty decent coupons if you can get to them quick enough. I picked up a new button up shirt that I wore to my graduation and I snagged a pair of board shorts for our trip to the lake next month. I was impressed when the XL shorts were too big. I'll be the happy, sunburned dude in the size L black-on-white Hawaiian print board shorts if you happen to be at the Lake of the Ozarks in June.

That's all I got. I'll try to post more this week. Thanks for checkin in on me, yall.

A Farewell to Harm

2009-05-10T11:00:00.000-05:00

If you can't stand bad poetry, please stop reading here.

Spring is finally here
With summer on its way,
Our last season together
And I just have this to say:

I'm not going to miss you
Not even a little bit.
You dragged me down throughout my life,
And made me feel like shit.

You've clung to my body
For almost all my life,
Caused me to doubt myself
And brought me too much strife.

You've got to go now.
You're leaving piece by piece,
Dropping off my body
As my Calories decrease.

As I've liberated myself
From your painful grasp of weight,
I find myself rewriting
My once dismal fate.

So don't cry for me
As we say our last goodbyes.
I'll keep a small piece of you
At a fraction of your size.

I'll still feed you wings
Beer and pizza too,
But not in the amounts
You'd grown accustomed to.

I'm sure you've seen it coming,
As your mass has contracted.
I've worked my ass off at the gym,
And in turn you've reacted.

I should have done this years ago,
And truth be told I tried.
I'm sure when I started this time last year
You just rolled your eyes and sighed.

"He's never done it before," you thought
"He's not going to now."
But now that you see it's working
You've got some sweat upon your brow.

109 pounds of your brethren have left,
And few of your still remain.
By healthy eating habits
And elliptical they've been slain.

So goodbye to my dwindling fat
Auf wiedersehen, adieu.
You've overstayed your welcome
I'll be a better man without you.

Happy Mothers day to all you moms out there! Have a good Sunday.

I'm 70% the man I used to be

2009-05-09T10:30:00.003-05:00

I should do 5ks before every weigh-in because I was down another 3.2 from only 36 hours earlier at my Thursday meeting. That puts me past my 30% lost mark, just shy of my 22nd 5-pound star and inside 25 pounds to go for my "final" goal. As I inch closer and closer, I realize I'll go lower, but I set that goal when I started and I'm keeping it as my goal on my ticker. I'll get there this summer, reward myself with some skydiving, then get back on my horse and press onward to 210, 200, or who knows, I may even go for that desirable 25.0 "normal" bmi at 179 pounds. That's just weird thinking I could get there. It seemed so foreign and strange to me 110 pounds ago, but I've never weighed this little in my entire adult life, so I have no idea what any of these lower weights will look like on me. I'll know when I get to my maintenance weight. My body will tell me. I'm not going to stress about it. I'll just keep chugging along like I have been.

So the 5k was an interesting experience. I am not a runner. I can book it on the elliptical, getting as much as 7 miles in 1 hour at a resistance of 6, but that is nothing like really beating feet to street. I really wanted to run the whole thing, but I had no expectation for it. It was fine for the first mile, but I had to drop down to walking for the second mile and the first half of the third. The last half-mile was entirely uphill and I was not going very fast. I ended up finishing at 44 minutes. That's not terribly impressive, but it's a starting point. I'll definitely need to start practicing running. I want to improve my form. Right now it's terribly uncomfortable feeling the impacts reverberate through my body, my guts bouncing around. Part of that is weight and will improve as I move on, but a lot of it could be alleviated with good shoes (my workout-only shoes are getting old) and good form.

I'll definitely be doing more 5ks in the future, so I may just set small goals. Next time, I want to finish in 40 or less. We'll see how that goes. Eventually, I'll be in good enough shape and well-trained enough to do a half-marathon. I've tentatively planned to do one with my cousin in October. That's all I got. Have a good Saturday!

Progress so far: 109.4 pounds.

Progression (man boob warning)

2009-05-08T21:44:00.002-05:00

I found some old pics from my cell phone that I took in May of 07, just before I was starting another failed weight loss attempt. It motivated me to post some more progress picture updates. So here you go. Back then, I was 325, a full 33 pounds less than when I started this weight loss journey almost exactly 1 year later. I've definitely got a ways to go, but my god, how far I've come....
Tomorrow is my 5k for corporate challenge, just before weigh-in. I had an early weigh-in last night just in case I don't make it to my Saturday meeting in time and I was down 2 from last time, but I think I'll probably make it for the official, regular weigh-in. I'll have an update tomorrow morning either way. Wish me luck!

How soon we forget...

2009-05-06T12:34:00.003-05:00

So... I didn't do week 1, day 3 of my hundredpushups.com training program last Friday, but to be fair, I was wrist deep in grilled foods and nursing my fourth beer when it should have been happening, so... you know... priorities!

Seriously, though, I guess it kind of slipped my mind because I really do want to do this thing, but it's so early on, I haven't really established enough of a routine to notice when I forget it. I obviously didn't do week 2 day 1 on Monday either. It didn't even occur to me until last night. I was debating what I should do to get back into it and wound up deciding to pick up where I left off. So, I did W1D3 last night. The first four sets were 8, 10, 7 and 7, then the max (minimum 10) with 2 minute breaks between sets. I was surprised how much easier it was to get in 10 reps this time (as opposed to just 10 days prior, when 10 was my absolute limit on the exhaustion test). I whipped through all 4 sets without any trouble at all, but I think I can mostly chalk that up to the extra 4 days of rest I got. Anyhow, the max last night was 12. Thursday I'll do W2D1, which looks like a bit more of a challenge, but very doable considering how I managed last night.

After I finish this week on Saturday, I'll give myself a couple of days' rest and then it's time to do a new exhaustion test. That is when I'll see how I've really progressed because while it's nice to see that I can do 12 pushups whereas before I could only do 10, the progress is much more than that because I did those 12 pushups within moments of doing 32. I wouldn't be surprised if my max on a fresh set would be closer to 20 or 25 by then. I guess we'll see.

BTW, today is Nurse's Day, so if you know a nurse, give her a smack on the butt. They love that. By the way, did you know that if you slap a female coworker on the ass it's considered sexual harassment, but if you add in a little "HEEYAAW!" productivity goes up 10%. No shit.

Feliz Cinco de Mayo!

2009-05-05T19:53:00.005-05:00

365 days ago, I was on day three of this weight loss journey. My girlfriend and I went out to her favorite restaurant of all time, Margarita's. I was completely lost trying to fit it into my points, so I just took a couple of bites here and there, took a huge box of leftovers and pretty much wasn't satisfied with my experience at all.

Flash forward to today. I planned out last night how I was going to fit it into my points. I was going to have a taco salad sans guac/sour cream/cheese/tostada shell. So as soon as I got home, we hopped in her car and headed over. By then, it was 1830 and the place was ridiculously busy. We couldn't even find a place to park. So a wrench got thrown in my plans. We hemmed and hawed about where we wanted to go, concluding that most every downtown Mexican joint was going to be pretty packed, then I suggested Chipotle. I know, I know. Fast food isn't the same, but the place is delicious. I tried my best to lighten up my favorite, a steak burrito, so I had them use very little rice, black beans, no sour cream, no cheese and a heaping pile of lettuce. I probably could have done without the tortilla and gotten a bowl instead, but meh. We came home and I added some fat free sour cream and a pinch of 2% shredded cheddar. The burrito was awesome and came in under the points I'd budgeted. Awesome!

This week has been phenomenal for me. I am determined to erase my poor choices last weekend. Now that I'm back on the elliptical, I've upped my time up to a full hour. I think I'm going to start putting in a half our on the Wii Fit in the mornings as well. It's not much, but it's a great way to start the day and all those APs add up. Oh, speaking of, I've still got two days of workouts (plus a 5k Saturday morning for the KC Corporate Challenge) before weigh-in and I'm already at 39 activity points (that's 3900 calories burned for those of you who don't do WW). I am really riding the rush. I guess those indulgences gave me the kick in the ass I needed, huh? Here's to finishing out this week strong.

Standing Up

2009-05-04T10:21:00.008-05:00

Thanks to all of you for your comments on my last post. I felt pretty defeated on that one. You're right, too. It became far too easy for me to see a couple days of poor food choices as more significant than a year of continued success and more than 100 pounds lost. Well... sorta.

So I had the pizza, I hit the bbq and had a brat, some chips, a burger, a brownie, a slice of cake and 3 beers. The following day, I just couldn't find the nerve to face the scale, so I skipped my meeting (I hate doing that) and tried to do damage control throughout the day. Evening came, friends arrived and we had a buffet of finger foods and booze. I planned out ahead of time with what I was going to sample and how much. That didn't happen. I ate way more than I'd planned on having and I even made queso, which was never in the plan but oh so delicious. Everything was. I also made baked mozzarella sticks (I'll try that one again; very reasonable recipe and only 1 point per stick), baked jalapeno poppers with light cream cheese and turkey sausage and the queso. One of the guests brought some ham salad sandwiches and cucumber sandwiches as well as a strawberry sorbet. Another brought jerk seasoned chicken strips that were to die for. We also had beer and vodka. I drank less than I could have, I smoked more than my girlfriend would have liked (to wit, at all), I didn't win at any of the games we played, but I had a great time. I think everyone did. We'll definitely be doing this more regularly in the future.

So after 36 hours of bad food choices, I woke up at early on Sunday morning. I jumped out of bed and faced the music on the Wii Fit. Traditionally, it has been very precise in terms of agreement with the Tanita scales at my WW meetings, so I've come to trust its readings. I hopped on and was a bit pained, but not overly surprised to see +5 pounds show up. I had gained enough to put me below the 100 lost mark I'd fought so hard to reach. Blech. I told myself to let it go and get back at it. I'm not quitting this. Not now, not ever. I redoubled my efforts right there starting with a nutritious breakfast followed shortly thereafter with an hour and a half on Wii Fit.

Now, in the past I've discounted the level of intensity one can achieve on this particular game, but I've also never really given the strength or yoga games a chance. I've pretty much always done the aerobics (which can work up a sweat somewhat) and the balance games (which for the most part cannot). Yesterday I did a circuit through all the strength training games. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't feeling after that, especially the plank, which had me holding my weight on my forarms and toes while keeping my body rigid for 60 seconds. Great core workout. I still put in a good half hour on the less-than-intense balance games, but I got a pretty decent hour workout prior to that.

After that, I got myself cleaned up, had a modest lunch and headed to my first event in the KC Corporate Challenge, disc golf. Much like traditional golf, it's not an incredibly intense workout, but 2 hours of physical activity, regardless of how light, is nothing to sneeze at. We did pretty well, too, tying for 5th out of 22 in our division. Considering I have only played one time in the past 4 years, that's pretty respectable, and I think I'm going to pick the game back up. It's a lot of fun, a decent workout and I can see myself improving pretty quickly. I feel like I already throw better than I did when I played between 02 and 04.

Dinner was light, reasonable and tasty. Overall, yesterday was a great day to be a Weight Watcher. I stayed within mypoints, got in over 3 hours of activity and felt good about myself. I hopped on the Wii Fit this morning and it agreed, showing a 1.5 pound loss from the previous morning. I've still got some ground to cover to make up for the gains, but I'm back on my feet and I hit the ground running this time. It's good to be back.

Sliding...

2009-05-01T15:39:00.002-05:00

down the slide that breaks the will. ♪♫

Hopped on the Wii Fit for a sneak preview of tomorrow's weigh-in. Saw +2.6. Got disappointed. Went into the lab, ready to put it behind me, buckle down and take what the scale has to say tomorrow. Lunch time came. Went into the kitchen to retrieve the stuffed pepper leftovers I had brought. The lab had ordered pizza from Godfather's in celebration of the KC Corporate Challenge, which kicks off today (there's a bbq tonight I'll be going to as well). I cave dand grabbed three slices. Finished those far too fast to enjoy. Went back for 2 more. And a cookie. And another cookie. Feel pretty disgusting right now. Still have a BBQ to face tonight. Have a get together planned for tomorrow night. Will be getting drunk. Might do so tonight as well. Don't even know if I'll go to weigh-in tomorrow morning. Going to get worse before it gets better.

Fail.

Unmotivated

2009-04-30T08:46:00.003-05:00

The rain is pattering and muffled rumbles of thunder are rolling through the hills. Today is my favorite kind of day as far as weather is concerned. Unfortunately, it's the kind of day that I just want to curl up and read a good book or goof off on the computer, not do work like I should. I have to leave for the lab in a few minutes, but I wish I could stay here. Sometimes I envy my dog. She's not the kind to be afraid of thunder. She's just relaxing on the couch, occasionally glancing up at the window when a report of thunder rumbles through.

Yeah, that'd be my kind of day. It's a lot like my workouts recently. With my foot still torn up a touch from the MS walk trenchfoot, I just don't feel comfortable hitting the elliptical. This week is going to be a break even or fractional loss. I hope I can get it back in gear next week.

Pushups went well last night. I did 6, 8, 6, 6, then max. I got 90 seconds of rest between sets, and I was feeling the burn during the third set. Oddly, the fourth set went better and when it came time to do the final, I was pretty much exhausted. I managed 9 on my max which is improvement of a single pushup from day 1, but considering I did 6 fewer pushups in my first four sets on Monday, it's an even stronger improvement. I took a glance at Friday's test. It's going to call for a set of 10 right off the bat and the final set (where I do as many as I can) calls for a minimum of 10. Am I ready? I hope so.

Tss Ahh Shh Push It!

2009-04-28T18:41:00.002-05:00

Last night I did week 1, day 1 of the 100 pushups challenge. My girlfriend was excited to watch me be all manly and do six pushups in my first set. She got up and went to bed before I even managed to rest 60 seconds and start my second set. Obviously, I have to start somewhere, but my somewhere is less than impressive. Anyhow, I followed the instructions on the site, and based on my initial test result of 10 consecutive pushups, I was directed to do 5 sets with 60 seconds of rest between each set. Sets one and two were six pushups. Easy enough. Sets three and four were four pushups. Not bad. I was starting to feel it in my shoulders at that point, but I was hopeful for the final set: do as many as I could without stopping with a minimum of 5 to be considered a success. I pulled the first 7 without too much pain, but that 8th push was rough. I couldn't even lower myself to do half of the 9th.

So that's where I stand, my max is now 8. But... I did 28 pushups yesterday. That's pretty good. I look forward to seeing how long I stay on course with the curve. If I fall behind, I have to repeat a week, so it's very possible that I won't be done on 6-6.

In other news, I'm having good food days, but my workouts are sucking. My foot is still pretty torn up from the MS walk and I just don't feel comfortable hopping on the elliptical. If I can't do it again tomorrow, I'm gonna do the recumbent bastard and hope my package doesn't take a beating like last time. Luckily, tomorrow being Wednesday, there will be a group class (I think pilates) so I have that for an option as well.

No deep emotional insights this time, kiddies. I'm just chillin on the couch, gearing up for the new episode of Biggest Loser. See yas tomorrow!

Fitting In

2009-04-27T13:32:00.005-05:00

Friday was my first chance to try out the "new" threads since I didn't have to come into the lab that day. I went to my last class of the semester dressed in a pair of 42W faded blue jeans shorts, a black 2X tee from my high school days with the words "Got Metal?" printed on it and my old black-on-black Converse All-Stars. The ensemble was a bit younger than someone my age should be dressing probably, but I don't care. I feel like a kid again and I wanna dress like it sometimes. My classmates rolled their eyes and asked me not to dress like that for commencement next month. I just smiled.

The following day, after my meeting and all that bidness I posted about most recently, I fixed a nice omelet to split with the little lady, grilled up some turkey bacon and heated up a few low-fat Nutrigrain waffles. Nice breakfast if I do say so myself. Then, we picked up a friend and hit city market. We've been meaning to try making sushi at home some time, but we're still lacking in a few ingredients, so we dropped by the Asian market. We picked up some rice wine vinegar and perused the bags of sushi rice but decided they were all too much for us to justify buying for a first try (the smallest was 4 pounds).

We also picked up some strawberries that I'm sad to say were not as good as they seemed. So far, I've found more squishy than not. All the green peppers looked a bit too anemic for my taste, so we skipped on them, but we did get a couple tasty zucchini, several roma tomatoes and my go-to fruit, bananas. After that, we dropped by this little bakery that specializes in high quality (ie 2.50 ea) cupcakes. I wolfed down a banana flavored one with vanilla frosting. It was delish.

From there, we drove to Westport to check out a used bookstore, but also wound up walking through World Market where I found some bottles for a couple of spices I bought several weeks ago and never gave permanent residence to, so I'm sure they were happy to be out of their little plastic bags. I used a third bottle to prepare a couple ounces of my dry rub I typically make a teaspoon at a time for grilling chicken breasts. I didn't find any books at the book store that I wanted, but finally picked up a copy of the Matrix. Just in time for the 10th anniversary, too. Sad, I know. It's a shame they never made any sequels, isn't it?

We made plans with some friends I haven't seen in months and I'm looking forward to another game/finger food get-together night. We tentatively made plans for it to go down this Saturday. I think I'm going to hit up my aunt for her jalapeno popper recipe; she had some last Thanksgiving that were delicious. I'm also going to attempt a baked mozzarella stick recipe if I can remember on what tv show I saw it.

Today, I'm wearing another set of "new old" clothes: a pair of 40W relaxed fit black silvertab jeans, an XL sleeveless shirt with an XL button up. I have to say that wearing clothes that actually fit is an incredible feeling I haven't had in a while. these 40s feel just right, maybe a touch loose and it's great to finally wear a shirt I don't feel billowing out all over. God, I need to get out of those 3Xs. I'll always take too loose over too tight, but neither is a very flattering feeling. Finally being in something that fits "just right" makes me feel like a new man.

One Hundred Reasons I'm a Loser

2009-04-25T10:54:00.001-05:00

Lord Kelvin knows what's up. That's right, friends. Cue the fireworks and throw the confetti. We all knew it was coming, but as of 0800 CDT this morning, it's official. I am down over one hundred pounds. Next week marks my first anniversary of this weight loss journey. If you told that 358.2 pound guy when he walked into that Weight Watchers meeting last year he'd be 100 pounds lighter, 100 times more self-confident and 100 steps closer to a healthy life in just one year's time, he'd have laughed in your face. As much as I really wanted it back then, I don't think in my wildest dreams I could have imagined this would actually work this time.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your support that got me where I am today. I've only got 30 pounds to go to reach my goal of 225. Will I stop there? I doubt it, but it's the goal I set for myself last year and I'm going to reward it as such.I promised a surprise in light of the milestone and here it is. I'm participating in a challenge. Starting today, I'm doing the 100 pushups training program. If this works, I'll be able to do 100 consecutive pushups in six weeks regardless of where I start. I did the initial test this morning and was able to do 10 good form push ups consecutively, so that's my starting point. I'll post updates as I progress through the program and when I hit the end of the sixth week on June 6 (6-6 is the 6th week? Nice!), we'll see how I did.

Progress so far: 104.2 pounds.

MS Walk pictures

2009-04-24T09:06:00.001-05:00

I just got the pictures back from our official photographer and team captain so I thought I'd share some with yas.

Here I am buttering up the President of HR (and his daughter) for a job. She seemed interested. Don't our team shirts look cool and professional? Here's the back.
Turnout was decent in spite of the weather. Our lab had more participants and raised more money than any other team. I'm in the center, bib 193, flashin the horns \m/. Directly behind me is our CEO.
And they're off!I got wet, but I had a good time. My feet are all better now!

Closet Shopping

2009-04-23T09:21:00.001-05:00

Last night, I finished sorting through all those clothes I got from my pop. I realize three things now, having taken a trip back to see my old high school wardrobe. First, I donated a lot of blood and got a lot of free t-shirts back then. Secondly, I went to a lot of concerts. Lastly, I waited to do this for TOO LONG. All the XL shirts are fitting (with the exception of a few that shrunk), but I can't wear most of them throughout the week since they won't make the biz-caz dress code at the lab. The pants? No go on the shorts obviously. The jeans WOULD work into the dress code and some fit better than my 44s I'm wearing now, but I thought I'd have some smaller jeans considering I was wearing them more than 11 years ago.

Sadly, no. I had a few 46 and 48 slacks (yeesh!), several 44 and 46 jeans, a few 42s and only TWO 40s. I was really hoping for some 38s since the 40s were a bit loose, but beggars can't be choosers. Sadly, none of these are designer labels, so I seriously doubt any consignment shops would take any of this stuff. So, I'm gonna donate 2 boxes of clothes to salvation army this weekend. I don't know when I'll have the disposable income to go clothes shopping, but I'm not in a huge rush considering I've got another 6-8 waist sizes to go down before I'm done.

Oh, by the way, belt update, I'm in one from my starting point, so #3 now. I bet if I wore jeans that didn't bunch up under it, I'd probably be on #4. Wicked, huh?

The end is nigh! Right?

2009-04-22T12:59:00.002-05:00

As I get closer and closer to that arbitrary goal weight of 225 pounds I picked almost a year ago, I'm beginning to realize a couple of things. One, I'm going to make it. I don't know if it'll be by late Summer like I'm hoping, but it's definitely gonna happen this year. Two, rather than feeling like I'm almost done, I now realize that I'm just getting started. The weight loss wasn't the story; it was the prologue. I have no idea what my new healthy life has in store for me, but I know I'm not going to waste it by going back to that 358.2 pound prison again.

This is very unfamiliar territory for me. I've never had to worry about maintaining my weight because I've never been at a weight that was appropriate for maintenance. MizFit's post today got me thinking about it. That's not to say I haven't thought about it before, but when it was on my list of blogs to read this morning, I couldn't help but give it some serious reflection. I've had nightmares about weight loss frequently in the past few months. Sometimes it's that I can't lose any more. Sometimes it's that I fail and gain it all back. Once it was that I couldn't put the breaks on and kept going to an extremely unhealthily low weight. The first is not a concern really (nor is the last) because I know I have the system and the support to keep chugging along, no matter the pace. The second scenario, however, is an ever-looming concern.

I hear tons of stories about people who lost it all, then slowly gained it all back. There are dozens of threads on WW forums every day about people that are back and starting over despite having already made it to goal once before. That CANNOT be me. I have never lost this much weight before. I want this to be the one and only time I lost it all. If I woke up tomorrow back at 358.2 pounds, I would feel so defeated that I don’t think I could continue. No, that WILL NOT be me.

There is some solace in knowing just how bad I’d have to be out of whack to fail that hardcore. I even made a post two months ago. I calculated how many calories I’d have to eat above and beyond my BMR to reverse all the progress I had made at that time and it was over 300,000 calories. That number goes up by 3500 for every additional pound I’ve lost, and by next weigh-in, it'll be over 350,000.

I like to believe that I'll be able to relax a bit and not be so mindful of my calorie counting once I get there. In reality, maintenance will require constant awareness and at least monthly check-ins to see how I'm doing. It’s going to be a balancing act for sure, but I think I’ll be taking advantage of this weight loss community and WW meetings for years to come in order to keep myself from relapsing.

My biggest fan will never see the payoff

2009-04-21T10:34:00.010-05:00

I say it like 4 times a week, but I seriously value each and every one of you for reading, commenting, emailing and encouraging me to succeed. I get a lot of support from this blog, my girlfriend, father, friends and from my weekly (now twice weekly) Weight Watchers meetings, but no matter how much support I get from all of these, none will ever match that of my mom. She was my biggest cheerleader throughout my life. Whether I was trying to lose weight, make first string on the football team or get into medical school, she was always there, rooting me on. I love my mother very much and rarely go a day without thinking about her and missing her (especially this time of year when so much advertising is geared toward showing your mom how much you care). Although she did not approve of any of my tattoos, I felt compelled to get one in her memory over my heart. Somehow, I think she would understand.

I spent almost my entire life overweight. I was a pretty chunky kid throughout my grade school years, then a lineman on the 7th through 9th grade football teams. I ballooned up through high school and undergrad, and continued to get bigger and bigger until last year I peaked at 358. Through all those years, I tried numerous times to lose the weight and always with the love and support (financial, emotional and otherwise) of my mom. When she was dying 3½ years ago, she still expressed her concern for me before even herself. She told me not to become discouraged by her inevitable death and to stay the course I had planned: continuing my education in graduate school and improving my health. Both of those efforts almost collapsed in the months following her funeral, but I got back on track with school and although it didn't work, I tried once again to lose some weight the following Spring and Summer.

Now that I'm finishing up my final year of graduate school and closing in on my goal weight, I can't help but reflect on how she has always been the strongest voice among everyone that wanted me to succeed. She hasn't been around to see a stitch of this, my most -- to wit, only -- successful weight loss effort. I'm well on my way to getting to the shape I always should have been but never once in my life was, and despite all the personal pride and satisfaction in that, there is a piece of me that truly regrets that I took this long to get my ass in gear. She'll never see the fit, handsome, self-confident me she always assured me was inside.

It's all a touch bittersweet.

Re: Knowing

2009-04-20T19:25:00.001-05:00

I put out the call for questions and yall threw me some good ones. Yall ready for a long post? This is one of my longest.

FLG thinks he's special and gets three questions. Well... he's right because he is the man.

What's the best thing about your life now compared to 98 lbs ago? Ever watched a game of rugby? Who are 3 (or more if you have them) of your heroes and why?

The best thing about my life is the feelin of freedom I've gained. Before the weight loss, I felt almost imprisoned in my body, shackled to a 100 pound ball and chain. Now, I can do more than I had ever imagined and with another 30-50 to go, the sky is the limit, mate. I have never watched a live game, but I've seen games on TV from time to time and I once went on a couple of dates with a girl that played and coached rugby. Great sport; very violent, looks like a lot of fun. I'll totally join yall when I come to visit in 201X. Two of my heroes are my friends John and Barrett, both of whom are US army rangers. It may sound hokey, but I could not have more respect for what these two went through over in that sandbox. My third hero is my dad (again, hokey, I know). His work ethic, his devotion to his family and his total man's man personality make him the perfect model for me. If I turn out to be half the man he is, I'll be thrilled.

Amber is one of the most persistent, supportive commentors I've ever seen in this little community.

What was it, exactly, that brought you to your WL journey?

I don't have any one thing that turned the key for me, but I guess the primary trigger that brought me into the door at weight watchers this time was a mailer they sent to "resident" alerting me to the impending end to free registration. In actuality, I don't think I know what made this one different than all my previous weight loss efforts. I guess I was just in the right place in my life this time.

Tony is practically my little brother. He is one of only two bloggers I have on my cell phone. The other is a first cousin (no, really).

Lost or Wow?

Asking me to choose between two of my addictions? Man, that's rough, but I must admit they both have their appeal. LOST is an incredibly intricate and debate-provoking show that keeps me entertained and on my seat for the next episode better than any show I've followed. World of Warcraft, on the other hand, offers me everything that Everquest did in fantasy, drive to succeed and sense of accomplishment, but more than that, it had great support and constant revision keeping the game fun and adding challenging, entertaining content. I've made some great friends through WoW that I meet at least twice a year. These aren't just casual friends. These are guys I'll invite to my wedding. That said, I haven't been playing WoW for months, so I guess while it's still in season LOST wins.

Asandir is a new-comer around here. Welcome aboard, brah!

How did you manage to get into the heavy aerobic exercise?

Personally, I don't really care what people think while I'm working out. I'm so in the zone, I scarcely notice anyone around me. If you feel like people are staring at you, you should remind yourself that if anything they are probably showing you some admiration. There's an overweight guy that is changing himself; he's doing something about it.

Tricia is... not on my blogroll and I don't know why. I'm fixing that tout suite.

When you get really rank, what do your armpits smell like?Mine are always like rubber band-ish. It's wild.

I smell like a man. I think it gets pretty rank, but there's nothing particularly unique or recognizable about the scent of my pits. My urine, on the other hand, sometimes smells like popcorn. *boggle*

MizFit is a damn rock star. Period.

How did you even START? that is the question I always want to ask bloggers. what was your THIS IS IT IM DOING IT. IT'S NOW OR NEVER moment?

I think it was a few months into it, after I'd already lost 30 pounds and had been working out for a month, I realized suddenly "Holy shit; I'm doing this; for the first time in my life I'm actually doing this." It's weird. There was no click. No defining moment. It's like you've been trying to teach your kid to say "mama" for weeks and then one morning she says, " hey Mom, what's for breakfast?"

Well, that's it for this little experiment. I hope You know me a little better now. I do. I also count myself lucky to have so many friendly, helpful supporters in this community. It means a lot to me and I am not exaggerating when I say I couldn't do this without yall.

SAD's got nothin on me

2009-04-19T17:29:00.003-05:00

Today I did a lot of inward reflection. I started watching the marathon for Biggest Loser season 2 on Style the other day, but they were only playing episodes here and there, so I downloaded and watched the rest of the episodes today. There was a lot less drama than the recent seasons I've been watching live, but more than anything, I recognized that there were a lot more guys near my size in season 2. I watched Mark and Matt especially closely because they are 5'11 and 5'10 respectively and I'm right between the two. More than that, Mark has the exact same starting weight as I and Matt won the whole thing. When I project myself next to these two guys, I really see how my journey, although significantly slower than theirs, is very similar.

I'm thrilled with the progress I've made so far and I can't wait to see what I'll look like in the future. I've said before that I've never been this small before in my adult life. I can't emphasize enough what that means to me, especially when I catch sight of myself in the mirror or see recent pictures of myself. I'm healthier, I'm better looking, I'm fitting in clothes I haven't touched in well over a decade, but more than any of these things, I'm happier.

I struggled with depression a couple of times throughout my life, especially when my mother passed away and when my engagement ended. Both of these events sent me into a dark place for months and both happened during Winter. I began to realize that I'd experienced a lot of bad Winters last year and it hit me. I've suffered from seasonal affective disorder every year since I lost Mom in 2005. I came to this realization a year ago when the season changed and I suddenly bounced back. Determined not to let it consume me for another year, I spoke with a counselor at my school several times in order to get a "base-line reading" so she could recognize when the change happened during the upcoming Winter and we could treat the condition.

The depression never came this year. There were a lot of things about my life that made this Winter much better than last, but I am confident that the most important factor was the improvement I've made in my health and fitness. Now that the weather is finally changing, I am looking forward to continuing on and entering the following Winter with something I've never had before: a full, rewarding, healthy life ahead of me.

Out of energy

2009-04-18T16:43:00.003-05:00

It's not even1700 hours (5pm) and I could fall asleep right now. What a day!

This morning I climbed out of bed at 0600, a full hour later than I would on a weigh-in day, but I needed that extra rest. After a hearty breakfast, I climbed in the car and headed to the MS walk at about 0730. As soon as I closed the door to the house, the deluge began. The roads all the way there were flooded with the sudden and rapid downpour. I saw 3 or 4 accidents on the way there, mostly people hydroplaning off the road I suspect. I was coming off the road for a while, so I decided to take a major street at 45mph rather than the 65mph highway. I bet I got there faster than I would have otherwise too.

Once I arrived and checked in, I was given bib #193 and picked up my free t-shirt. I met up with a few members of my team from my lab and chatted for an hour or so, during which time the rain completely stopped. I was probably the 5th person to show up and thanks to the weather, only about 50 of the 93 we'd had signed up actually showed for the walk.

At 0900, the walk was on. We left the parking lot of a church and headed down a 3' wide sidewalk for about ½ mile. That was not an easy task for the 1000+ people we had walking. The going was slow until we turned off the main street into some residential areas where we could walk on the streets. I got tired of the slow pace on the sidewalk and wound up walking past hundreds of people by trotting along in the wet grass next to them. About 200 yards into it, the rain started up again at a light drizzle. It wouldn't let up for the remainder of the walk.

Around the 2 mile marker or so, there was a split in the path and a decision to be made. Do I go left on the 6 mile (just shy of a 10k) course or bear right and be done in just one more mile? I had said for the longest time that I'd be doing the 6 mile since that's less than I average on an elliptical workout, so I know I can do it. I have to admit, I was tempted to take the shorter, wimpier way out, but I sacked up and headed left. As it turns out, I was in short company. There were probably less than 100 people that decided to take the 6 mile course and I was the only person from my lab as far as I know.

The rain picked up at some point. I don't remember when. Around the 4th mile, my shoes started to get some water in them either from too much rain falling on them and finally soaking through the material or from me stepping into a few puddles that were deeper than they seemed. There was a lot of standing water and deeper areas of running water on a few curves and downhill areas, and as hard as I tried to avoid them all, I know I hit a few.

By the 5th mile, the soles of my feet were finally wet and within minutes, I felt the blisters coming along. Trench foot, baby. Just on the fronts of the pads, behind the second and third toes on each foot and about the size of a quarter. It coulda been a lot worse, but they are not pleasant at all.

After that, I came home, took a shower and shuffled the girlfriend and dog into the car so I could take the former to lunch and the latter to the vet. With our tummies full and the dog updated on shots and heartworm meds, we picked up a few other things at Petsmart, then finally got home just an hour or so ago. There were a few more errands I had hoped to run today, but I just don't see that happening. Maybe tomorrow. I'll have some pictures for you from the event later. Until then, good night!

40 things to do before I turn 40

2009-04-17T09:32:00.002-05:00

I sat down yesterday and put together a list I've been thinking about doing for a while now. There are a lot of things I want to achieve by the time I've aged another 11 years, but I put the particularly big milestones, achievements and life-experiences in this list. I can't put them all here because some are private, but here's a sampling:

reach and maintain at whatever weight I feel comfortable
run a half (or full) marathon
ride a motorcycle across at least one state
go camping and cook a real meal outdoors
send a secret to post secret
participate in the planning, preparing, raising and tending of a garden
get a career I enjoy and earn no less than $60,000 gross in a year
build a house to my specifications
sink the 8 on a break
go on a cruise
visit Rome and Venice
visit New York City at New Years and count it down in Time Square
visit Chicago and scale the stairs in the Sears Tower
visit Hawaii and take a LOST tour
visit New Zealand and take a LotR tour
visit Las Vegas and gamble $1000 on a single hand of black jack
visit NOLA during Mardi Gras and go on a 3 day bender
attend a pro football game
attend a KU final four game
call in and get on the air with a radio talk show
skydive
SCUBA dive
surf
sail
go water and snow skiing
go horseback riding again
attempt to finish the Big Texan 72oz steak in Amarillo
learn Krav Maga
fly Virgin Galactic

Will I be able to cross all of these off the list? I don't know. There's a lot of expensive stuff on that list (including a house that would probably cost over 150k and a jet flight that could push 250k), but there's also a potential for more than $660,000 in earnings (plus another 2000 if I win that hand of blackjack ;) ) so maybe. The important thing is with my weight nearing its lowest of my adult life and my fitness almost at the peak of my life, I can see opportunities opening up for me that I may have never thought possible a year ago. The changes that are happening to my body, my mind and my personality are myriad. I'm a much better man now thanks to a seemingly simple decision that I made early in the morning on May 3rd, 2008.

Some of those I know I'll achieve. Some of them I'm relying on yall to help me (Brandi, Carlos and FLG, I'm lookin at all yall). Some of them I'm using as a reward for when I reach goal. One of them is reaching goal (duh), but you'll notice I also specified maintenance as well. I'm serious. I can't cross that one off the list until the day I hit 40. If I can get to my goal this year, that's just fantastic, but that's when the real challenge begins. If after 10 years I'm still at (or, to be fair, within 10 or so pounds of) that weight, I'll count it as a success.

Tomorrow is my Walk MS event. I won't make it to WI, but I'll have an update and some pics from that for yas. I'm really looking forward to it, and if the forecast is right, it's gonna be a beautiful event.

Thanks everyone who sent in some questions. If you haven't yet, check out yesterday's post. I've gotten some great questions so far and I've just started thinking about the answers; I'll post them on Monday.

Knowing

2009-04-16T08:27:00.002-05:00

In light of FLG's recent circulation of Q&A, I got a little inspired to answer any questions yall might have for me. I know, I'm all sorts of candid on here and don't really have any secrets, but if there is anything you'd like to know about me that you don't yet, please feel free to ask in a comment or email, and let me know if you'd rather I keep the answer confined to email because otherwise, I'll answer questions in a blog post (sorry, no fancy video productions like FLG).

So go for it, yall. I'll be interested to see what I found out about myself in this little experiment.

and knowing is half the battle!

Sticking it out

2009-04-15T21:44:00.002-05:00

This morning I hopped on the Wii Fit to see how I've done since getting back at it on Monday. After gaining 5.1 from Friday to Monday and another 0.4 on Tuesday, I was kind of itching for a little give (particularly since I was confident that a decent amount of that was water retention). This morning I was pleased to see -4.8 from yesterday (making it a net of +0.7 since last Friday). Being a slave to the scale is never fun, but I really wanted to track the trend this week and see how the weekend affected me and how I bounced back afterward. I'm pleased with my recovery and am really looking forward to my next official WI on the 25th. We may have that celebration after all! Here's to that.

In other news, I got some interesting information this afternoon about the assay I'm developing that is going to make my job a bit easier. I'm really hoping I rock this one out the park by my end date which is ever looming and just 4 weeks away now. I really feel like I fit in well here and hope I can find my way into employ here, but if that isn't possible, I count myself lucky for the experience I've gained here this semester.

My charity walk for MS is this Saturday, it'll be the first of many run/walk events I hope to participate in this year and for years to come.

I also signed up to participate in the KC Corporate Challenge. I'll be representing my lab in the disc golf and weightlifting (ie bench press) events. I'm way out of practice in both of these and don't know how poorly I'll be doing, but I've started working on my bench and I'm going to practice with my teammate on the disc golf course this weekend, so hopefully I won't make a total ass of myself.

Today was our last day on yoga. Next week we switch to pilates I think. I'm definitely going to have to start doing this more often. I'll find a class I like at the gym or something. I also got in a pretty solid pre-yoga workout on the elliptical. I'm pretty pleased with my progress on it as well. It's a shame there wasn't an elliptical even in the challenge. I could totally rock that shit.

Getting back into the game (and the 90s)

2009-04-14T13:14:00.007-05:00

I didn't do as well as I'd like yesterday. I missed the workout due to working late and needing to come home and cook dinner (it was my turn). Then, I had already planned my day out, following my "shaved point" plan I've been following for weeks, wherein I get what WW recommends minus 3-8 points depending on what day it is (and plus 10-15 on Saturdays). Monday is my -4 day, and I had it planned perfectly... until I reached into the Easter basket.

So a bunny brings this junk, but who comes and takes it away? Seriously, I can't be facing whoppers, mini snickers, kitkats, reese's pb eggs and starburst jelly beans while I'm trying to stay on track. I wound up eating 4 points of candy last night (which put me right at WW's recommended 39 for the day). This wasn't a huge slipup, but I've found that my weight loss pretty much halts if I don't shave points, and with a handful of gained pounds from last weekend under my belt, I need to be ramping it up as much as I can.

Speaking of belts, I picked up a new one this last weekend, in Dollar General of all places. The quality is slightly less than my usual brand, which I used to get from Casual Male XL, but it's still pretty nice and less than ½ the price. Also, it has holes all the way around, making it capable of being my final belt on this weight loss journey. I'm already on the second hole, which is a little bit better fit than my previous belt was on the final hole. I'll keep you posted as it gets cinched in.

In addition to the Easter basket, my father also brought me 4 boxes of old clothes. I've just started going through them and was disappointed to see a lot more 40s, 42s and 44s and none of the 36s or 38s I had hoped to see. Luckily I can still wear a 42 without it looking too terribly ridiculous, but I'd much rather be wearing 38s right now. The 40s will have to do. Also, there were quite a few old scrubs, which I hope I'll never need again (who knows where I'll be working in a month), but my girlfriend might be able to use them. Lastly, a ton of 2X and XL shirts from my high school days, which if you'll remember, wasn't the most stylish wardrobe even back in the 90s when I last wore it. I'm about half way through the boxes, and I'm making a pile of can wear now, can wear soon and too big or too geeky to be worn (ie to be consigned or donated to charity). I have about 3 pairs of shorts, a pair of swim trunks and a dozen shirts that'll be perfect for Spring and Summer, a couple of pairs of jeans I can rotate in right now but probably won't be able to wear next fall and even a dress shirt or two.

Sadly, a majority is going to charity or consignment, but it's nice to see just how much stuff I was wearing over 10 years ago that I'm just now getting back into. I was still growing upward (in addition to outward) back then, so I think I can safely say that I'm getting very close to the thinnest I've been my entire adult life. That feels fantastic

An Open Letter

2009-04-12T17:45:00.002-05:00

Dear Self,

The next time you are faced with indulgences at family events (especially multiple back-to-back, holiday-based events) remember how you felt last night at 10pm, or 12am or 1.30, 2.45, 4, or 7. Remember how all that greasy food wrecked your system that is so used to being nourished with healthy foods in moderate, reasonable portions. Remember how excited everyone was for your continued success and the way their eyes opened up when your reply to "how much have you lost so far?" was "99 pounds." Remember how ridiculous you thought you sounded as you rationalized to your relatives that you normally wouldn't eat like this, but this is a special occasion. Remember that you already give yourself a high-calorie day. A. One. Not three. Remember how close you were to 100 lost before you shot yourself in the foot and that you have no one to blame but yourself if you don't make it at next weigh-in. Remember why you're doing this. Remember how much all those rich foods just aren't worth it.

Love,
You

Cram it in there!

2009-04-09T13:28:00.003-05:00

Today is a crazy day. I've already done a day's worth of work in the lab and it's only 1.30 in the afternoon. I also dropped by my school this morning and purchased tickets for a baseball game later this month. Today was the last day they were being offered to students at a reduced rate and my girlfriend, a friend and his wife were all for it, so I picked up 4 tickets. I'm looking forward to it. It's Friday, the 24th (aka the day before my next WI) and its on buck night, so I'll be contending with $1 hot dogs, peanuts and mini pretzels too. Wish me luck!

While I was on campus I also dropped by financial aid and the registrar to square myself away for another semester of fun at ye olde KUMed Center. Exciting!

My program director dropped by today for a project update and performance evaluation. I was pleased to hear how well my supervisor here feels I've been doing and how much I've "evolved" since January. I feel really strong about my experience and project here and I'm absolutely thrilled to hear my mentors agree. I was given a couple of suggestions on areas I can improve my performance as an intern and I gave some feedback on hers as a supervisor (this is her first time in a supervisory role).

I have to get done on time today, no joke. I need to get in my workout from 1630 to 1730, then I have to book it to a WW meeting 45 minutes away that starts at 1830. Then I need to hit the library and get some research goin on my grant, come home and have dinner, get some more work done on the grant, hit the sack and rest well because tomorrow I meet with my program director again to discuss my grant, then I'm coming into the lab (although I'm not scheduled to do Fridays) so that I can get my bugs growing, head back home in the afternoon, pack up the car and hit the road for a full weekend of Easter family time. That said, I may not be checking in with yall before Sunday, but we shall see. Cool? Wish me luck!

They can't all have creative titles...

2009-04-07T22:37:00.001-05:00

I don't think I've had a comment on here about a Biggest Loser episode before, but tonight's episode kind of had me pissed off enough to bring it up. I'm so sick of hearing Ron tell people how it's gonna be and threatening Filipe and Sione for going "against the pack." These people have no clue what an opportunity they've been given. That could not have been more clear when people were eating thousands upon thousands of calories for the sake of gameplay. Granted, nothing this season is nearly as offensive to me as last season, but these assholes just need to worry about losing and stop whining at each other like bitchy little kids.

I have to agree with Carlos on this one. Ron is an annoying lobster mutant, and while I will admit he cries too much, Sione seemed like someone who really knew what he was there for. I was disappointed to see him get sent home, but it was pretty clear it doesn't matter where he is because the guy isn't in it for the cash. He's also only an inch taller than me, so it was pretty cool seeing how in shape he was at 235, a full 10 pounds more than I'm aiming for at the moment.

I'm starting to catch my profile in the mirror from time to time and I just can't believe how much different I'm looking now. I caught a look last week while I was wearing a new sweatshirt and I saw someone I wouldn't even consider fat. I can only imagine what I'll look like in another 30-40 pounds.

Today was my first attempt at a new workout program on the elliptical. I didn't feel overly challenged, but my heart and legs were feelin it. I decided to set it to manual and up the resistance from level 3 (the default for fat burn program) to 6. This wound up slowing my pace a bit such that I only did 6½ miles in the 55 minute workout, but my heartrate hit the target zone much more quickly than yesterday and averaged about 5bpm higher too. Me likey. Next week I may toy around with running backwards too. I used to do it from time to time so I could wake up some lesser used muscles, but I haven't in weeks now.

In other news, I received a couple of deliveries from amazon today. These were basically birthday gifts from my dad since he gave me cash, and I'm proud to say that I spent half of it on bills and half of it on weightloss stuffs! First, I got a yoga mat (finally) so I can stop borrowing one from the instructor. Also, I got an EatSmart digital kitchen scale. This was a particularly good buy because I struggle with estimating portion sizes with pretty much anything that isn't volumetric. It also came recommended twice over: once by Lyn about 3 weeks ago and then again the following week by great a friend of mine that has been very instrumental in my weight loss efforts, and rightly so, she paved the way by losing over 50 pounds with WW herself. Thanks, Mels!

Scales only spit out a number

2009-04-06T19:51:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. I got a lot of nothing done in the lab, but I put together a rather lovely presentation encompassing some background on my bug, relevant specimen sources for my assay and all the references I've used to develop it. It's surprising how easily some old school paperwork can eat up a whole day. I actually had it done with 90 minutes to go, and did a couple of things in the lab, but my results were inconclusive and called for a repeat tomorrow morning. It's all good though. I feel really strong about my project, and I'm looking forward to sinking my teeth into phase 3 of the develpment process.

I had a really delicious salad for lunch. I've had dozens of salads in the past year, but this is the first one I've prepared the night before. It turned out perfect. I'll definitely make these more often. This revelation couldn't have come at a better time too because I just bought 3 bags of mixed salad because they were on sale for 77 cents and a bag of fresh spinach because it's friggin awesome in a salad.

The workout was interesting too. I found myself having a difficult time getting my heartrate up to my minimum of 155. Normally I'd rock it at ~8.5mph for about 4 or so minutes and reach my target before dropping to 7-8mph for the remainder of the workout. This time, it took almost 10 minutes and closer to 9mph before I finally got there. I think it's time to change the workout program on the elliptical from fat burn to something more exciting. It's good to know that my fitness continues to improve, but I really need to branch out to weight training, interval training and core training soon. I'm looking forward to that for sure. It's probably the kick start I need.

This morning, I was putting on my jeans, fresh out of the dryer and after I belted myself up, and I started adjusting the bunches of material caused by having a pair of pants a couple of sizes to big when I realized I was in a notch. The last notch actually. I've now finished off my third belt since this whole crazy carnival ride started almost exactly 11 months ago.

These non-scale victories are so much more tangible than anything a scale could ever give me. I love it.

A Lesson Learned

2009-04-05T13:00:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was a good decompression day. I definitely needed that. I went over my points by about 15 or so, but that's not a failure. Saturdays are my high point day partially to take out cravings head on and partially to ramp up my metabolism for a week's worth of losing. So I bet you're wondering just how much stuff I ate, amirite? I wish I'd taken pictures, but as I've pointed out before, I never think to do so until after the food is gone.

Anyhow, I gave a brief list yesterday, but here's my breakfast in all its glory yesterday: it consisted of 6 small pancakes, prepared from mix, 4 slices of turkey bacon (cooked em in the oven to get extra crispy, much better that way), about ½ cup home fries (courtesy of a loving girlfriend) and a 2 egg omelet prepared from egg beaters with sauteed mushrooms, onions, jalapenos spinach and some 2% shredded cheddar. I topped it off with some peanut butter and syrup on the 'cakes and some ketchup and tobasco on the taters and eggs. I wasn't kidding when I said yesterday it was a rich meal...

Dinner? Oh my god, I pity those of you who don't live in and have never visited Kansas City. I'm not kidding when I tell you we have the best BBQ on the planet. Oklahoma Joe's is without a doubt my favorite barbecue joint in the metro. There's something satisfying to me knowing that it stands head and shoulders above high-class joints like Arthur Bryant's, Gates and Jack Stack and that it does so operating out of a gas station. If it's any indication of how good the food is, we waited in line during the first game last night and it took an hour to get through the line and put in our order. I got one of their specials for the evening, the Cowboy dinner: a few ounces of beef brisket, 3 ribs, a couple ounces of sausage and 2 sides. My girlfriend and I split a side of fries, a side of onion rings and a side of baked beans. I couldn't finish 2 of the ribs, half the sausage or a third of my share of the fries. It was probably the biggest meal I've had in the last 6 months, quite possibly since I started this weight loss journey. Before, though, I could have easily eaten the whole thing without stopping short or sharing my sides and I probably still would have had room for some sort of dessert...

That said, it was a 53-point day (assuming I didn't short myself on anything, which is very possible), and I loved every minute of it... up until about an hour after dinner. I felt bloated, greasy, over-salted and a wee bit regretful for going so overboard. If I had it to do over again, I may have ordered something smaller, but I still enjoyed the meal thoroughly. I woke up around 2 and finished off my water bottle, filled it back up and drank the whole 24-oz volume again before I woke up this morning. I may be retaining some water for a bit. Thems was salty fries! I know my capacity for indulgence isn't what it used to be. Next time I'll be a little more reasonable.

Between the big 'ol breakfast mess and the remnants of takeout barbecue dinner, I woke up this morning to an absolutely trashed kitchen. I plowed through the piles of dishes, skillets, tupperware and a 6sqft griddle (a new addition to my kitchen arsenal, thanks to my pop). I will never be able to explain why I enjoy cleaning it up so much, but that satisfying feeling I get when I see a pristine kitchen is rather significant. No other room in the house can do that quite as well.

Today, I'm back in the realm of reasonable Weight Watchering. We're making pasta e fagioli for dinner, which is a 100% filling foods 2-point recipe, and since it makes 20 8-oz servings, we're gonna have it a lot this week and a stockpile in the freezer as well. Oh, btw, I'm not going to have weigh-in updates for the next two weeks. I don't want to get my award at a different meeting and I'll be out of town this Saturday for family stuff and the following Saturday is my Walk MS thing, which has registration at 0800. I can pretty much promise I'll have a big-ol blog party when I hit 100 lost at my next WI on the 25th, and I'll have a surprise announcement in light (and highly appropriate) of the accomplishment as well.

Sedentary Saturday

2009-04-04T16:13:00.001-05:00

As usual, I woke up ridiculously early this morning. I was out of bed by 0430, waiting anxiously for my 0830 meeting. I hopped on the internet and read a few blogs and threads on the WW forums, I rewatched last week's episodes of Biggest Loser and LOST, hopped in the shower and took a sneak peak on the Wii Fit. Then I put on my usual weigh-in clothes (the same ultra-light wicking material I wear for my workouts) and drove to the meeting.

I lost 2.0 today, putting me just 2.4 away from that goal of goals, something I'd be thrilled to say I could have in a week, but with this recent trend, I really don't know. Don't get me wrong, I'll always be thrilled with anything that isn't a gain, but I'm now floating at less than 1.5/week average over the last month and that is half the average I was enjoying between the beginning of November and mid-January. I'm in kind of a weird place with my eating right now. I'm confident that I'm tracking everything, but the scale isn't moving as enthusiastically as I'd expect. I have to wonder how much of an impact the missed workouts, the illness and the school stress could be having. What I do know is I'm not going to stop here. I'm going to redouble my efforts on tracking every bite and getting in the workouts. I think the slacking on posting is either a byproduct or a contribution to the lackluster scale performance of late, so maybe I should get back to where I was in February, missing less than 6 days in the whole month.

After I got back from weigh-in, I made some pancakes, eggs and turkey bacon for our breakfast. It was rather tasty, but between the rich meal and the lack of sleep last night, I was out within an our of finishing it. I took a two hour nap on the couch and now that I'm back up and around, I have no intention of leaving the house. I'm going to chill for another hour or so, then it's Final Four time for the remainder of the day. There was some discussion of grabbing some bbq for dinner. I'm looking forward to some Oklahoma Joe's tonight.

April Fuel

2009-04-01T19:33:00.002-05:00

Sorry I missed an update yesterday. I had intended to, but I've been lacking in the motivation factor when I get home in the evenings recently. So anyhow, I'm really back, I swear. I'm making fantastic progress on my research. Monday also marked my return to working out after a 2½ week dry spell due to Spring break and the horrible plague that had me at death's door last week. So you can imagine my hesitance when I climbed on that elliptical. I briefly debated taking it easier than usual or not going the full 55 minutes that I was doing prior to my break. I thought better of it, though and pushed myself just as hard as I was 3 weeks ago. I'll be honest, it wasn't as easy as it used to be. I had a stitch in my right side after 10 minutes that I normally wouldn't get throughout the whole workout. I kept having to fight back that voice in my head telling me lies like it's been weeks, you can back off a bit; just drop down to 6½ mph; oh look, you're at 30 minutes, that's enough; 5 miles is plenty....

I kept pushing myself, though, and made it through the 55 minute workout without slowing my 7mph average pace. I even fit a couple 9mph sprints in there. It's good to be back! Or... it was. Sadly, my desire to catch up on my research has introduced me to some particularly long hours in the lab. I've missed my last two workouts now. Fear not, though, because I won't miss tomorrow's. If I have to be there until 8pm, I'll get it done.

BTW, I made it to weigh-in dispite still being a bit sick. I didn't have my weigh-in clothes, so my weight was a bit artificially high. That said, I did register a loss: six-tenths of a pound. We'll see what happens this Saturday...

That's all I got. Graized out!

Back without missing a beat

2009-03-30T19:47:00.000-05:00

Today was my first day back in the world of the living and working. I am one week behind where I'd like to be on my research (don't even ask about the grant, ugh), but everyone at the lab seemed very understanding of my situation and I've been approved to tack on an extra week to my allotted time in order to ensure that I have all the time I was supposed to be given in order to complete my project. So that's some good news. Also, I didn't have much trouble picking up where I had left off, which was surprising because I was gone all of Spring break, back for a single day (the entirety of which I felt quite fogged in my mind), then gone for another week with... whatever that garbage was.

I am so glad to be back at it. I'm looking forward to finishing this project and hope I impress the lab enough to consider giving me a job. The alternative, hunting with the rest of the out of work and desperate, does not look very promising at all. Either way, though, this experience has convinced me that infectious disease is definitely my niche and something upon which I'd be thrilled to focus my career of research.

Yesterday was also a fantastic day. I finally felt well enough to venture out into the world, and it was just in time. We had planned a few weeks ago for my brother, father and both of their significant others to come up to visit us here in KC to celebrate my birthday and yesterday happened to be the day we'd planned it. I asked my dad to bring a few tools I needed to take care of a bunch of chores I've been neglecting for quite a while. He got here around noon and I got started right away. By 6, I had trimmed the hedge, replaced a screen on the front storm door, re-splined a screen in my bedroom, removed all the dead vines that were hanging on the house, taken the folks shopping at Costco and Home Depot, hung a shelf in the bedroom and removed a stump from the front yard. OK, to be fair, I didn't do all that single-handedly because my father helped a lot and it was thanks to my brother's Jeep and chain that the stump got pulled. Considering that we prepared for the company by cleaning the house top to bottom, this was a very productive weekend.

For the real birthday celebration, we hit one of my favorite restaurants, Sakura. They have a sushi train up front, which is a great way to introduce newbies to sushi, but the real show is in the back where they have hibachi grills. I ordered some fried Philadelphia rolls for the table (I only had 2 rolls and I think everyone but Dad loved them), and I only ate half of my entree: KC strip and scallops. It was the first time I've ever eaten scallops; I was very surprised to find how much I like scallops considering how unimpressed I've been with shellfish in general, aside from shrimp -- I don't care for crab, lobster, clams or crawfish. If they weren't so expensive, I'd be thrilled to have scallops a lot more often. Anyhow, seeing my brother, father and his wife was great, and dinner was a lot of fun. Our Teppanyaki chef was very skilled and personable, and we almost went 5 for 5 on catching the shrimp he tossed at us. It's a shame my brother's girlfriend couldn't make it. By the way, check me out. I'm lookin pretty good, huh?

This post is getting longer than I'd intended, so I'll have to leave Saturday's weigh-in and my return to working out for tomorrow's update.

I'm still alive

2009-03-27T09:35:00.003-05:00

I apologize for not checking in sooner. I haven't even been reading or commenting on your blogs and it feels like I'm not being true to you or myself. I've not been well. After I left the lab on Monday, I've been pretty much bed-ridden since. A combination of my ACE inhibitor being dosed a bit too high for me and some sort of viral sickness has reduced me to a very weak, nauseous state. I went to the doctor on Wednesday and was advised to give it another day, but I insisted I couldn't afford the time off my research. She begrudgingly agreed to release me back to work yesterday, but I still wasn't ready as I found out in my attempt to go in. I'm sure operating on a caloric deficit doesn't help, and I know I should probably up my intake to give my immune system some energy. Unfortunately, I really haven't had a very good appetite and am coming in 10-20 points under budget every day.

I plan to go to weigh-in tomorrow, but I know this one is going to be artificially low. I honestly hope I don't hit 100 lost tomorrow because it will be so bittersweet (and there is a very real possibility no matter how well I do next week I'll register a gain from tomorrow's WI).

Regardless, I feel like I've passed the worst of it, but the damage has been done. I've missed 3 days of research and am more than 2 weeks behind on my thesis at this point. I've felt so scatter-brained that even with all this time on the computer, I can't seem to focus on the screen for long without becoming fatigued and cross-eyed. I have to read every sentence over and over before I finally understand it, which makes it very difficult to read papers. The lack of energy makes it difficult to find motivation for anything but rest, too. Like I said, I'm hoping I'm on the mend and will get some real work done this weekend.

Anyhow, I just wanted to touch base with yall and let you know I'll be back from the brink of death very soon. I have a lot of work to do, so I may not get caught up on all yall's blogs any time soon. Just know that I've missed every one of you and I love your support and well-wishes. Thanks for bein there for me when I couldn't been there for you.

"He wasn't right.... in the head"

2009-03-23T18:25:00.004-05:00

Obscure movie quote alert! I do not feel right. I mentioned that at my last doctor appointment I was prescribed an ACE inhibitor. I have taken it faithfully every day since the day she prescribed it. The first week and a half, I didn't really notice any side effects, but since about Wednesday of last week I've frequently felt light-headed when standing up from a seated or especially from a prone position. Several times it has been significant enough to start getting tunnel vision for 5 or so seconds. Today was my first day back to the lab and I felt a little light headed all day even when I was just sitting. I called the doctor and of course she is on vacation and the NP she works with was gone for the day by the time they called back.

I want to get off this stuff. I hate not feeling right. It affected me enough today that I didn't feel well enough to work out for fear of collapsing on the machine. I just hope I can get off this shit fast (although I believe there is a weening period) and get back to normal. Aside from that, though, I'm still a bit stressed about the grant/thesis. I am really not feeling it and I'm starting to get concerned it isn't going to come together. Considering it is required for graduation, I'd say my concerned aren't unfounded... and yes, I'm well aware that the stress is likely contributing to my overall well-being.

In other news, I haven't decided what or when, but I am convinced I'm going to get a new tattoo some time this summer to commemorate my weight loss. I was thinking of doing it once I reach goal, but it would be a nice anchor to help me stay on track while I'm still in the process of losing. Besides, I've decided a while ago that my ultimate reward shall be sky diving. It's an especially apropos reward because 1) I've always wanted to do it, 2) there is a weight limit that has always prevented me from doing so and 3) my goal will put me just under that limit. I have a friend that has always supported me in my weight loss efforts that used to jump for a living (3rd Ranger Battalion) who, when I mentioned this end-game reward, said without hesitation that he would jump with me. That means a lot to me, but it's not terribly surprising considering the caliber of friends I keep.

Closing the gap on trip digits

2009-03-21T13:13:00.001-05:00

Weigh in day! Weigh in day! This morning's meeting was... short. I asked my leader a few weeks ago if I could grab the floor at today's meeting for a few minutes because I wanted to share a progress photo and thank the ladies for their help and support because when it comes down to it I couldn't do it with them or without yall. Apparently accountability is extremely important to me because when I had tried in the past and was only accountable to myself, it was so much easier to backslide and relapse.

Anyhow, the meeting didn't even start until we'd already had 10 minutes of awards (one person hit lifetime, three hit 5% and four got a 5 pound star) and then my five minutes of posturing -- actually, it was a lot of fun, I got a few laughs and I had a couple people tell me they were inspired. The meeting was all about nurturing ourselves and reframing, but with half of the time already gone, we didn't really touch on it much. You know what, though, that's fine. This was the kind of meeting I really enjoy where there is a lot of success and celebration (and being the center of attention is always a plus). I was also one of those 5-pound-star people as 2.0 for the week brought me 95.0 overall. I'm just 5 more pounds away from that big centennial mark. Of course, that means I'll have some more photographic love for yall very soon.

Aside from that, the rest of today will be dedicated to school work, rounding out the remainder of my vacation and enjoying my high-point day. I've plowed through half of my test already and should be pretty much where I need to be by the end of today. I haven't really done much on my thesis and am starting to feel a bit lost on that, but I don't let that get me down. I just need to lower my head, throw my shoulder into it and soldier on.

I made my favorite breakfast of late this morning and since I've come to realize I've often described what I've eaten but never shared the details of the recipe, here goes!
Breakfast Burrito:
Points Value: 5 Servings: 2
Ingredients
½ c scallions, chopped
2 flatout multi-grain wraps
½ c egg beaters
1 T 2% shredded cheddar
1 small tomato, diced
2 FF american cheese singles
2 turkey breakfast sausage links, diced
6 slices pickled jalapenos, diced
8 leaves spinach, chopped
2 fresh button mushrooms, sliced
After browning the sausage links in a skillet, remove, blot dry and dice. Discard drippings but reserve 1 tsp for sauteing mushrooms, jalapenos and onion briefly on medium high heat. Reduce to medium and add egg beaters. As eggs begin to firm, add tomato and shredded cheese. Once eggs are finished, add spinach, mix thoroughly and distribute half of mixture to each wrap. Add one single to each wrap (plus Tobasco and/or hot salsa if desired) and chow down.

I love that this yields 2 servings because it means I can make it on Saturday and then enjoy another on Sunday. Great breakfast (especially with a cup of 1% milk). Actually, it was more of a brunch because I ate at 11 and won't be grilling (woot) burgers (that's another recipe for another day) until this evening. Hope yall have a good Saturday as well!

Progress so far: 95.0 pounds.

How easy it is to be lazy

2009-03-20T09:17:00.004-05:00

Spring break is a fantastic time when 20-somethings fly off to Ft. Lauder Cancun Corpus Cabo san Miami. The chicks dress in dental floss and bandaids, the guys in board shorts and Ray Bans. Everyone gets hammered, interviews with MTV, and hopes they'll get laid and wind up on the next edition of Girls Gone Wild. This has never described my Spring break. Mine is the time when I hang out with friends, sleep in, catch up on TV and goof off on the interwebs.

This was how it was all through undergrad and the first two years of grad school. This year, however, I'm a bundle of energy, getting into shape and extremely busy wrapping up my thesis and working on a take-home test. Or not. I got back from Dallas Monday night and since then I haven't gotten a lick of activity, typed a word on my thesis or even stepped foot outside this house for more than a couple of hours yesterday.

Fear not, I'm going to kick it into gear on the scholastic front for the next 60 hours. I've been eating great and feel like tomorrow is going to be a good weigh-in, but I can't help but feel disappointed that I've let myself fall into my usual lazy ways. How soon we forget, no?

Or maybe, I just feel a sense of entitlement. That same entitlement that I rationalized gave me license to drink 10 Bud Lights and 8 or 9 ounces of Vodka or smoke a pack of Camel lights or eat a bigass full fat chicken fried steak smothered in cream gravy, 4 fresh baked, made-from-scratch biscuits and numerous other sides.

I'm not concerned about that slippery slope though, because I know I'm on vacation and life will go back to normal on Monday and I'm still tracking all my food. I made some good choices while I was down there aside from Saturday, which was a pretty heavy hit (as you can probably surmise from the previous paragraph). I'm not concerned because I'm still in weight loss mode. There will probably always be this nagging doubt that I'll be able to transition into maintenance as gracefully as so many before me.

I know a lot of people tell horror stories of losing 100 and then gaining 120. That cannot be me. I've never been successful before now and I don't want to deal with that failure and sense of dread garnered from having to start over. I have confidence that as long as I continue with the accountability here and at meetings I'll survive the maintenance phase, but this vacation has demonstrated to me very clearly how easily I could fall into my old ways if I give myself permission (ie, I've finally lost all the weight, now I shall reward myself with a 72oz steak!).

I Have Returned

2009-03-18T21:46:00.004-05:00

... and it is good to be back. I actually returned late Monday, but gave myself a full 2 days of relaxation before I started diving into my to do list, which, aside from a take-home test and some more progress on my thesis, also includes a much needed update to this blog. First off, before I left I promised some illustrative fun. Well, here it is. One year of change:

I've enjoyed looking at some side-by-side progress photos since I started really seeing changes in myself, but this is one of the most telling. Yep, that is the exact same suit in both pics. I wore it 3 times: once to my dad's wedding a week after I bought it from Casual Male XL and had it altered at a local tailor in October 2007, once for my birthday dinner last year and once for my friend's wedding (you may know it as my official before picture). Now it is far too big to get taken in. I didn't get much money out of it considering the original investment, but you know what? That's ok with me. What I've gotten out of this journey is worth so much more than a $300 suit. I've gained years on my life and improved the quality of the life I'm living right now.

Case in point: my trip to Dallas. This was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. 3 of us from up here in KC drove down Friday afternoon and arrived 9 hours later (we hit OKC rush hour/Big 12 tournament traffic on the way). Normally, that would have been excruciatingly tiring, but I still had a couple hours of socializing in me after that. We hung out at a bar and had dinner, a few shots and some fun people watching.

Saturday was the city's parade celebrating ~~my birthday~~ St. Patrick's day. I drank a lot, I ate nothing but restaurant fare for 3 days (including family style comfort food at this awesome BYOB restaurant) and I didn't step foot in a gym or WW meeting for the whole weekend. What I did do, though, was eat reasonable portions, walk 7 miles while helping carry a cooler with 2 cases of beer and 5 pounds of ice, play a couple hours of lacrosse and, overall, enjoyed myself thoroughly. At one point, a friend pointed out just how much walking we did on Saturday and asked me frankly "would you have been able to do that a year ago?" to which I said I honestly don't think so. "That must be pretty satisfying." Indeed.

When I got home Monday night, I had one last indulgence: some grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, stuffing, asparagus and an ice cream sundae. Since then, I've been completely on program. I'm looking forward to my meeting this Saturday. I'm going to share some of my progress photos with the meeting and while I'm hoping I register a loss, I don't care how it turns out. I definitely earned that weekend of indulgence and I think I did it very much within reason.

Bon Voyage!

2009-03-12T21:26:00.002-05:00

Last one before I hit the road tomorrow. Today was a decent day. I didn't get much done in the lab because I'd let my lab book fall behind so friggin far that I had to spend almost 6 hours updating backlogged entries. I came to a decent stopping point for Spring break, but like a good little intern, I offered to come in after I'm done with my trip to DFW and get some extra work done. I really want to knock this one out of the park so they are tempted to hire me, but so much more than that I am really enjoying the science I'm doing. I think regardless of where I end up, I am convinced that infectious disease research is my niche. I love having something to aim my efforts against. I guess that's my competitive side and right now I have a bacteria that I wanna make my bitch.

KU has found new ways to disappoint every day. First with some lackluster performances since the win over Mizzou, then with the 19 year old kid who drank himself to death, then today with the first round elimination in the Big 12 tournament by friggin Baylor. I realize the the gravity of one of those compared to the others, but you get my point.

I skipped the workout today. I wanted to get home and cook my baby girl some bison burritos, carne asada style. I started marinating them this morning, so I didn't want them to get overly tenderized by all the acid. Regardless, it's been a good week. I know this weekend is gonna be some steps back from whatever progress I've made, but I'm confident I won't go too overboard and I'll make up the lost ground before my next weigh in next Saturday.

Cart was today, btw. I think I'm gonna stick with my fiber one bar plan that I came up with last week for subsequent carts since they took away my tic tacs. I didn't even think twice about passing on the chocolate mousse and shamrock sugar cookies they were pushing.

So this is it for me, folks. I'm headin to class tomorrow morning, then we hop in the car and hit the road. I hope yall have as good a weekend as I will. See ya Monday!

"I am the push that makes you move"

2009-03-10T19:04:00.002-05:00

I draw a lot of motivation to increase the intensity in my workouts by the music I listen to during them. I have a pretty decent sized catalog of songs on my mp3 player, but I've assembled the 32 that drive me the hardest into a workout playlist. I'm constantly adding and removing titles to that list, but there are a few that never budge. There are a few things that all my workout songs tend to have in common. For one, they are all metal. That's not terribly surprising considering I've been a metalhead ever since I was 13, but while I have developed some other musical tastes since then, it is still my genre of choice for sweatin. More than that, though, they are almost all very high tempo stuff. I frequnetly fall into pace with some of the faster songs, which seems to be a good way to get my heart going.

This evening, I was plodding away on the elliptical, listening to Slipnot - Surfacing when, near the end of the song, the lyrics "I am the push that makes you move" came. I was lip syncing along as I am wont to do on this an a lot of other songs while I work out when I realized how true those words are. This song is the push that makes me move. I love how appropriate that and several other lyrics from my workout playlist really are. Some of my other favorite, appropriate lyrics include:

Crush 'em:
Last one standing wins the fight
Hear us scream and shout all night
Down on the floor and eat the grit
This is gonna hurt a little bit

Kick out the jams:
Yes, I'm startin' to sweat,
you know my shirt's all wet.
What a feelin'.

Zombie Stomp:
I don't need a doctor
But I need something to kill the pain
Don't know what I'm after
But the pressure's driving me insane

I am sure I wouldn't get near the workout I do without my tunes. Actually, I know so because I'm typically disappointed with my workouts on those days I forgot to bring or charge my mp3 player. How about you? I know both of the Tonys have made posts about some of their favorites, but I'd be thrilled to hear from yall on this subject. What makes you move?

All My Exes Live in Texas

2009-03-08T08:04:00.008-05:00

Hey yall! Yesterday was a great day. I really enjoyed perusing the stuff at city market with my girlfriend and a friend of mine from high school that happens to go to the same WW meeting. I ended up picking up some of my standard fare that I'd normally get at the grocery store like bananas, green onions and tomatoes, but I also picked up some stuff I've been meaning to get like flax seed, tumeric, red hot pepper powder and although the bison dude was out of flank steaks, I picked up some stew meat instead. Now I'm gonna decide how to marinate them and I'll make some steak burritos with black beans and rice. My girlfriend was luke-warm to the concept (partly because of the inflated price), but I would be thrilled to make the switch from beef to bison. The nutrition information speaks for itself. No matter how lean a cut of beef you get, the bison beats it out in every category.

After that, we wandered over to the Asian market and walked up and down the aisles, browsing the exotic foods and enthusiastic packaging with broken English. The girls decided to try these strange fruit-flavored, individually portioned translucent jellies. I grabbed a bottle of hoisin sauce for my stir fry and a pack of nori and sushi mat because I've been really thinking about giving homemade sushi a shot.

We came home to briefly decompress in the afternoon, then jumped back in the car to get some incidentals at Targ-Mart and some groceries. While we were picking up toothbrushes and stuff, we wandered over to the lawn and garden section and started looking at some charcoal grills. I'm ashamed to admit I've never lived at a place that allowed me to have a grill before I moved to my house, but even so, I have lived here for almost 1 ½ years now and still never got one. We've been talking about getting one for a while so when we saw a pretty decent 30" grill for only 30 bucks, she offered it as a suggestion for my birthday this Saturday. I agreed it'd be a great gift, so we snagged it, a bag of charcoal and some grilling tools. I'm lookin forward to grilling some bison steaks, shrimp skewers and corn on the cob all Summer.

Speaking of birthday stuffs, I've pretty much got my plan in place. A couple of us up here in KC are going to pile up in my car and drive down to Dallas, stopping off at my father's 100 miles down the road to trade up my car for his Jeep Liberty (lest the passengers die from lack-of-legroom syndrome). I'm really looking forward to it because the 14th is not just the day I emerged into this world 29 years ago. It is also the day that Dallas is celebrating St. Patrick's Day this year. I am going to celebrate my birthday with pints of Guinness and Bailey's on the rocks. I won't be weighing in that day, nor will I be updating the blog from Friday afternoon when we leave until Monday evening when we return. I promise to have a treat for yall when I return, though: some pictorial love. I won't have the official progress photo taken until I crest that triple-digits-lost goal, but I'll show ya something else.

So I've covered the Texas portion of this post, but what about the exes? I started this journey with triple-X shirts starting to hug me a little tight. I still have some of my XXX wardrobe in the rotation and I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can get away with wearing stuff that baggy. Even the XXLs are starting to get a little loose.Well, today I decided to try on my favorite Star Wars t-shirt just to see how close I'm getting to XL. It isn't quite ready for its public debut (nor will it ever if my GF has anything to say about it), but it is definitely getting close. I'm actually right now at about the size I was at the end of high school. Back then, I was stretching my XLs out as much as possible to avoid the inevitability of being forced to move up to XXL. Considering I have 40-60 pounds to go, I may very well be wearing larges when all is said and done. I didn't even know those were real sizes for adult men when I started losing. Therefore, I've decided that one of my non-numeric goals is now to get to a size where I can wear that shirt without feeling awkward or uncomfortable, at which point I'll take a picture and share it with the world. I know you're just itching to see it.

For now, though. I've got my sights set on the big dog: 100 pounds lost. It's so close, I can almost taste it. I bet it tastes like fresh crisp salad and with grilled chicken breast, fat free cheddar and light french dressing. I could be wrong, that may just be my lunch.

Dr. Livingwell, I presume?

2009-03-07T09:48:00.000-06:00

I had an appointment with the doc yesterday. It was a long day. I woke up, went to class, went to the surplus store, picked up some bandanas (several for me, one for the dog) and a new duffel, came home, put a leash on the dog, took a 5 minute walk, chased the dog for a bit when she got off the leash, walked back home, greeted the dog at the door when she returned 2 minutes later, put her leash on again (and made sure it was on good), took a real walk for about 30 minutes, walked back home and dropped her off, hopped in the car and headed to the office, arrived 30 minutes early, updated my information for the new year, waited, got brought into exam room, got weighed, got BP'd, waited, waited, waited, spoke to a medical student about my huge list of questions and concerns, waited, spoke to the doctor, got all my questions answered, got a couple new scripts (more on that below), got some blood drawn, went to the pharmacy, waited, picked up my scripts, headed home and relaxed for the rest of the night. World record for longest runon ever?

This is my first visit since October. That was 40 pounds ago. At that last visit, I had lost 25 between visits. She didn't even notice until I pointed it out and that was a tad disappointing. Imagine my elation when she walked in the door yesterday and the first words out of her mouth were "Forty freaking pounds?! Good job!" I'll have to wait a couple of days for the results on the tests, then we'll figure out if the metformin is gone or reduced. Sadly, I wasn't able to convince her I'm not hypertensive. I've had a 140/88 and a 135/90 two visits in a row, so she prescribed an ACE inhibitor. Feh. Now it's my goal to get off both of these. We discussed a couple other minor things and I was pleased with her answers, then I asked the question I've had in mind since I started this journey: "what is my goal weight going to be?"

If you asked Weight Watchers, they'd defer to that 19th century sociologist, who thinks I should weigh at max 179 pounds. She told me she agreed that on my frame 179 pounds would be not only difficult but likely strange, even sickly looking. She suggested a goal of 185-210. I was pretty happy with her response and agreed wholeheartedly. I'll still keep 225 as my "official goal," but for end-game, I'll press on from there to between 199 and 210. I'm not terribly concerned about reaching onederland like some Polish-surnamed chefs (grats, btw), so that 199 may very well never happen, but I'll get within spittin distance of it. It's almost scary to realize how close I'm getting and how soon I'll be there. This journey seemed so daunting 90 pounds ago. Now, it's just keep doin what yer doin and I'll get there in a few more months. This was a huge NSV for me because as an obese person that was very used to gaining 10-20 pounds a year every year since I was 13, I've never had a doctor praise me on my weight change from one appointment to the next.

BTW, I walked in the office at 1 and left at a quarter of 4. Crazy, right? There was a lot of waiting involved, but to be fair, I wound up talking to the student, then to her for a good 90 minutes altogether. I was surprised they let me take up that much time, but I guess it's patients like me that make them run so far behind their schedule, huh?

So this morning is weigh in. As has been my MO for the last several weeks, I couldn't sleep. I'm like a kid on Christmas morning on Saturdays. I wake up very early, thinking about how I did that week and postulating how it'll be reflected in the scale. I tried to go back to sleep and finally gave up at 5, hopped out of bed and took a sneak peak at the Wii Fit. I won't ruin it for you, but unless it is absolutely wrong, this has been a really good week. I'll update this post when I get back. I still have 40 minutes of waiting before I head over there.

**** edit ****

BOOM! 3.6 pounds. Now, I'm off to do some produce (and possibly bison meat) shopping at city market.

Progress so far: 93 pounds.

Yoga! Yoga! Yoga!

2009-03-05T12:00:00.004-06:00

I had a blast last night. It was really fun and although challenging, I kept with it the whole time and never felt like I was falling very far behind. I definitely need to keep at this to develop some more flexibility, but the main thing holding me back is specifically my gut. I suspect in another 30 or 40 pounds it'll be a complete non-issue. I borrowed a mat from the instructor, but I'm confident that I enjoy it enough I'll want to get my own mat and start doing it at home more often with the TV (and of course every Wednesday in March and April here). I guess I'll check out prices at Walmart, Target and Dick's.

The sense of calm it brought me was very substantial and needed after such a long day. I was sweating a decent amount, but my heartrate averaged only 135 (about 65% maximal). I warmed up with a very intense workout on the elliptical: 25 minutes at an 8-minute mile pace, avg HR=171. Between that and the 70 minutes of yoga, I burned about 1500-1600 calories.

I'm gonna put in another good elliptical tonight and then tomorrow, after class, I may do another light workout to make up for the one I missed on Tuesday. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow afternoon. I'm looking forward to hearing some encouragement from her regarding my weight loss progress. The last time she saw me was over 40 pounds ago last October. Have a good day, yall. I've got a lot to get done here!

Life getting in the way

2009-03-04T08:18:00.004-06:00

I haven't been making daily entries recently. I made a good push for it last month, but lost steam in the end. Now I'm doing every other day, and I feel like that is slacking. It's quite an improvement from last year's 1 post every other week, though.

Yesterday, I skipped my workout. It was not a great day. I kinda dragged some ass getting ready and was running behind on my way to the lab. I swear I wasn't driving any differently than normal, but I and 2 other people got pulled over on the same steep-graded downhill slope. 60 in a 45. Feh. I guess I'm gonna have to send this one off to a lawyer because I don't wanna pay for it over the next three years in premiums.

I spent a lot of time processing some bacteria for cold storage. I mean a lot of time. From 1pm to 5.30, I was doing nothing but pipetting, mixing, labelling over and over and over. I still have some more dilutions to do today. These are the tedious, boring parts of science you don't hear about. Sitting on my ass, mindless work, nothing to do but develop repetitive stress disorder and stew over the citation earlier. I hadn't even realized it was an hour past my usual time to close shop and I still needed to put things away, clean up my benchtop and document in my lab book.

Knowing that I had to get home, eat dinner and work on my thesis last night, there was no way I was going to have time to work out as well. I've talked to my program director about this a few times, but I feel like the hour of commuting, hour of workouts and 9 hour shifts are wearing me down a bit more than I'd expected. I am not putting in much time at all in the evenings like I should, and while I should also be using my Fridays (when I have scientific writing in the morning and the remainder of the day off) to work on this thesis, I've gone into the lab the last two Fridays in a row to get some extra work in on my project there. That's OK though, because I still have my weekends right? Nope. I spend all of Saturday going to the morning meeting, enjoying my time with my girlfriend, reading blogs and WW forums, shopping, stocking up on groceries, date night.... Sunday is my decompression day, the only day of the week I don't have to run there, do that, get that done, hurry!

So, I guess I need to re-evaluate my priorities, make room for the thesis and whatnot. I could stop working out every day, but the guilt and fear inside me from skipping yesterday's was not something I want to deal with every week. I love how I feel when I'm working out regularly. Consequently, I hate how I feel when I'm not. For the first time in my life, my health is my number one priority. I just need to find a way to balance it all out.

It's kind of nice to think that my dedication to weight loss and fitness is this firm. It's also nice to realize that a couple of years ago laziness and depression were holding me back from success in school and now my fitness has elbowed its way into my active and successful academic career.

You can't eat that, can you?

2009-03-02T12:50:00.003-06:00

If yall are anything like me, you've heard this from people who know you are on a diet at least a few times. I think a lot of people are amazed at just what you can squeeze into the program, which is a shame for those that are scared away from diets thanks to advertisers that tell them it's gonna mean one of two food choices: rabbit food and pre-packaged shit. It disappoints me that even Weight Watchers advertises their little hungry monster tempting someone with a box of pizza as if it is the absolute, forbidden taboo of dieting (which, for many it may very well be, but in moderation...).

I've learned along the way what I can and cannot handle. What is and is not light enough to fill me up while staying within points. That said, I haven't had the bravery to try fitting two of my favorite meals into my weight loss journey up until Saturday. One of these still remains uneaten, the dreaded biscuits and gravy . Saturday, however, I did tackle the other.

Ever since I was a little (pudgy) kid, if you asked me what my favorite dinner was I'd tell you "chicken fried steak smothered in creamy gravy, mashed potatoes and more gravy, macaroni and cheese (from scratch, not box) and peas." For the entirety of my existence, if you ask me what I'll have before they throw the switch, this will be my answer every time (unless I'm REALLY craving some buffalo wings, then I'd be hard pressed not to ask for both). My mom taught me how to make macaroni and CFS long before she passed away and I'm glad because no one will ever make either as good as Mom. I shied away from it for the past year because seriously, how healthy can you make a dinner that not only has 4 delicious components, but worse, one is made from butter, flour, cheese and white pasta and another is battered and breaded, deep-fat-fried beef smothered in gravy?

How? Well, first, I made the mac with light butter, 1% milk and 2% velveeta. I chose not to use healthier pasta, but I feel like that was still a good choice. It came out almost exactly like mom did, losing very little flavor to the lightening and at the exact same portion size of about 1½ cups as I would typically have. The steak, on the other hand, I had to cut down to a 3oz portion (as opposed to my typical 10-12oz (or more depending on seconds)), but since I've changed the frequency and size of my meals I would have had little chance of downing something that big (let alone with sides). From there, I used egg substitute for the wash and tried to bake instead of frying in shortening. Mom's recipe calls for crackers as a coating (as opposed to flour, cornmeal or bread crumbs that most would use), which while the meat cooked, the crackers remained unbrowned and unappealing. So, I busted out the skillet, added just a little oil and let 'er rip. I found an article (sorry, can't find the source I found at home now that I'm at the lab) that studied the pickup of oil by frying and concluded that you only gain about 4.8% by mass when frying something that is breaded. My steak was just over 120g, so 6g of oil added into the points didn't do too much damage (especially since it was a quick fry as the meat was already cooked). I skipped on the gravy and put FF margarine on my mashers and corn (GF hates peas) and some 57 on the steak; it was perfect. I apologize for not taking a picture of my plate, but there was no way I was going to wait another minute to take it after the 90 minute prep. Rest assured, my plate was very beatiful and quickly empty.

Altogether, it was a very filling and extremely satisfying meal, a throwback to my youth that I sorely missed. It wasn't a 4 point salad, but it wasn't the 80 point CFS dinner I'm sure Cracker Barrell would have handed me either. Nope, I was pleased with my 29 point meal that would have been 22 if not for the King's Hawaiian dinner rolls (my favorite commercial dinner roll of all time) I just had to have. I planned ahead, made it work with my points (I even had a breakfast burrito and potato pancake for breakfast, but that's another post) and sated a craving I've been neglecting for far too long.

Now, if only I could figure out how to lighten up the biscuits and gravy....

Saturday Morning Quicky

2009-02-28T11:09:00.003-06:00

Yeah, baby! 3 lost this week. This puts me at 89.4 overall, just shy of my 90 pound star. I'm definitely not going to make my (admittedly lofty) goal of 100 lost by my 29th birthday since I have just 2 WIs to go, but I'll be out of town and unable to WI that day anyhow.

I'll have some birthday/St. Patty's celebration with some friends in DFW the weekend after next, which may knock me back a few notches on my weight loss efforts, but I've definitely earned it and I'll do as much damage control the following week as possible. I've asked my meeting leader for permission and got the go ahead. I'm gonna grab the floor for 5 or so minutes and present a before picture from my 28th birthday to compare with how far I've come over the course of these last 10 months I'll take a new picture at my birthday stuff too and share it with yall when I get back in town. I'm gonna enjoy showing off my progress to the meeting. Even though a lot of people there have seen me make this journey from my very first day/meeting, it's such a gradual change that I'm sure a lof of them won't remember how I used to look until I share the before pic (plus a lot of newer folks didn't know me 90 pounds ago). I'm really thrilled to have all the support there, on the WW forums and here. I couldn't have done it without people like you. Thank you, everyone!

Progress so far: 89.4 pounds.

"Do or do not...

2009-02-27T08:31:00.005-06:00

...there is no try."

Everything I ever needed to know in life I learned from Yoda. Yeah, that's right, the entirety of my philosophy about life, the universe and everything was taught to me by a green 2½ foot muppet. So what? I don't think there's much argument against such wisdom as the opening phrase to this post. If ya wanna lose weight, stop trying and start doing. That became evident to me when I started enjoying success with this. I did a whole lotta trying throughout my life, but not much doing when it comes to weight loss. Some other equally brilliant axioms include:

Named must your fear be before banish it you can.
Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is.
Always in motion is the future.
When 900 years you reach, look as good, you will not.

These words all mean something to me in a very real way. They speak to my struggles, fears and questions about myriad facets of my life, especially my weight loss. It's no wonder, then, that Indians (dot, not feather) named the traditional practice of mental and physical self-discipline after such a brilliant and powerful Jedi. Yep, I'm talking about yoga.

Seriously, though. If you haven't tried it before out of fear of how your body would respond or how difficult it would be, I urge you to shed those fears and give it a try. Yesterday was my last experience with Zumba (for now) because the rotation goes on to yoga for the next 2 months. I'm looking forward to it. I've done it a couple of times by following the Namaste show on FitTV, but I think having a real class with an instructor will be a much better experience. I can say that there are a lot of benefits to yoga including flexibility, focus and control over your breathing, not to mention the benefits that Will Ferrel discovered in a famous (not work-safe) SNL sketch:

Wish me luck! ;)

Zumba: mark 2

2009-02-26T17:30:00.003-06:00

Not nearly as bad as last time. No moments where I thought I'd die, no stumbles, not once did I stop just to stare at the leader's feet in amazement wondering how a human can maneuver like that. There were two non-dance portions, both of which I liked a lot better than the deltoid workout from last week that left me wondering if I'd need a fire extinguisher. That's not to say they weren't hard, just more enjoyable. The first was a boxing routine, which I am a bit of a novice boxer (no I'm not; I play Wii sports boxing and Wii Fit rhythm boxing). The second was a pilates-style core workout. It hurt a bit to use my legs as weights to control with my obliques, but I managed to keep up through both routines without stopping.

Altogether, between the 20 minute warmup on the elliptical and the hour of Zumba, I burned over 1700 Calories (almost half a pound *flex*). Not bad at all. I'm about to call it a day here in the lab and get in another hour on the elliptical, then tomorrow is the traditional day-before-weigh-in-no-workout day. I'm feeling really good about this week. I think I'm gonna turn in a good number. I've been known to be completely mistaken about these things, though, so don't point n laugh when I gain a pound Saturday.

302,400 Calories

2009-02-25T10:48:00.003-06:00

I hate to disappoint those of you who saw the title of this post and came to read about the most ridiculous out of control binge in the history of the world, but that isn't the number of Calories I ate yesterday. I was OP all day (again, aside from the oils. feh.) and I got in another kickass workout.

So what does "302,400 Calories" mean to me? That is how much I have burned (between exercise and BMR in excess of my caloric intake) in the past 10 months. More importantly, that is how much I would have to eat above and beyond my BMR (which at this point is just under 2500) to reverse all the progress I've made so far. If I did nothing but sit around and eat 5000 Calories a day, it would take me 4 months to do that much damage.

I'm not one to fall into binging, but I have fallen off the wagon before, so it is comforting to know just how far I've come and how hard I'd have to try to go back to where I was. I know I'm in this for the long haul at this point. I've got family, friends, a girlfriend and a puppy rooting for me to find a level of health and fitness I've never known before. I've got a future that depends on it. I've got 302,400 reasons I've come too far not to, and I'm coming up with more reasons with every breath I take.

Fat Tuesday

2009-02-24T14:37:00.005-06:00

Another holiday specifically about eating rich foods and drinking to excess? Really? *sigh* Whatever. People here at the lab are celebrating today by bringing in lots of decadent, colorful desserts and crock pots full of spicy deliciocity. I must admit, they make my poor little lunch of cheezits, fruit, yogurt, string cheese, pickles and baby carrots look kind of sad, but I don't care. I've tasted that kind of stuff before. Many times. I have never once in my entire adult life tasted what life could be like as a thin, fit me. That's the kind of perspective it takes me to exercise some willpower and self-control.

Speaking of exercise, yesterday was interesting. I seem to have lost my telemetry strap, so I worked out for 55 minutes (5 more than usual; I'm a month or so away from 1-hour non-stop ellippin') with no warnings to slow down to decrease my heartrate. It was strangely liberating. I am kind of obsessive about numbers, particularly when it comes to my weight loss, so it was interesting to see how I responded to the situation (subconsciously and otherwise). I ran harder than I normally do, maintaining a 7.0mph pace the entire time. I was pretty impressed with myself when I finished my workout at just shy of 6 ½ miles. That's faster than a 9-minute mile pace. When I was on the 7th grade football team, I couldn't run a 9-minute mile (let alone 6 consecutive miles). Of course, this was on the elliptical, master of low impact running. I doubt I could do anywhere near this well in a real-world scenario, but the point is I am improving.

I'm not looking forward to my workout today. My mp3 player was warning me about low batteries near the end of my run yesterday, and I forgot to charge it last night. I'll have TV, so it won't be mind-numbingly boring, but I draw a lot of motivation and pace-setting from my music. Tomorrow is take two at Zumba (I think; they said she's rotating to pilates or yoga soon). That'll be another solid workout for sure. If you don't hear from me again in a while, I may be dead from tempting the beast that is Zumba again. Don't be worried, though. There is an AED just a few feet from me when I do it.

And don't worry about me falling prey to temptation on this dubious holiday. I've had enough fat Tuesdays (and Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, etc) to last a lifetime.

Gotta eat em ALL!

2009-02-23T09:57:00.007-06:00

Since my girlfriend and I have decided to start doing a date night (which we stopped doing when money got tight at the end of 2008), we've been taking turns planning out fun dates. She did two really good ones including the hibachi grill surprise at our favorite sushi place and Valentine's day (to be fair, I planned out the Friday night pizza/gift exchange), but I've put together some nice dates myself. Last Saturday was my turn and I think I had a pretty original idea.

We went to a portrait studio and got our pictures taken in some nice casual/dressy outfits, ordered a set that would be enough to share with our families and put up a nice one in our own home as well. I'll get the photos in a week or so. Maybe if she doesn't mind me putting her face on blog I'll share em with yall.

After that, we went to Olive Garden, which we haven't done in a long time (between the money crunch and weight watching, it just wasn't brought up), but since the company recently disclosed its full menu nutrition information, I planned it out and made it work while still enjoying one of my favorites, chicken parm. After that, we got some quick CostCo love since I had some contacts that were ready for pickup. Also, I had already gone through a 3-lb bag of sugar snap peas in 3 weeks and since these are my favorite vegetable at the moment, I just had to get more. We also needed milk, other veggies and fruits and another massive tub of cottage cheese.

Finally, we went home, curled up in bed together and watched a movie I recently bought, Zack and Miri make a porno. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it. We've enjoyed a lot of Seth Rogan's movies together since I gave her Knocked Up as a Valentine's day gift last year (I know, I know but I wasn't trying to say anything). I was surprised to find out this one didn't have Apatow's hand in it. Even better, it was a Kevin Smith, who seems to have gotten some of his touch back (I wasn't terribly impressed with Chasing Amy, Jersey Girl or Jay or Silent Bob Strike Back (the best of those 3); I didn't even give Clerks 2 a chance). The movie was hilarious, surprisingly cute and romantic and pretty much everything I've come to expect from Rogan. I know some of you aren't down with the raunchy humor (I'm lookin at you, Carlos), but I'm sure if the word porno is in the title, you know what you're gettin into. That said, be warned: this isn't for the kiddies or fundies.

I've admitted to intentionally reserving deficit dailies for months now. While I know it is NOT recommended and I can't TRULY consider myself OP until I correct this, I've tried and become discouraged by mediocre losses or even gains when I try to do this, always reverting to my bad habit of daily deficits. To be clear, I'm not crash dieting or starving (truth be told, I'm not even hungry 95% of the time because I eat 5 or 6 times per day), but it's not unusual for me to finish a day with 2 to 10 unspent points.

I really want to give it another go just so that I can say I'm really following the program and not just doing my own thing, and I'm going to try to use at least half of my weeklies as well (I still won't delve into the APs). So, this is my real attempt.

Saturday I used 48.5 of my 40 dailies
Sunday I used 39.5
I've planned my day out today and should finish at 41 if I eat everything.

Here goes nothin!

Psycho!

2009-02-21T09:55:00.007-06:00

This morning's meeting was interesting. We were talking about success, failure and the tools you need to separate one from the other. Our leader had a list of little factoids about Abraham Lincoln and some of the struggles and setbacks he had throughout his life. As the old chicks talked about him like they knew him personally (which, to be fair, they may very well have), the topic of conversation started to get veered toward the point of the meeting: Helpful Habits.

She asked people to discuss which habit they felt was most important to them. I wasn't really paying attention to what was being said because I started thinking about it to myself and reading the list:

Ask for help
Learn from experience
Manage your environment
Manage your feelings
Manage your thoughts
Monitor yourself
Prepare yourself
Take care of yourself

Before I realized it, I had raised my hand, heard my name called and started talking. I said something like this, "I think one of the most important aspects of weight loss that so few programs really emphasize is managing your feelings. There are some important psychological and emotional aspects in both gaining and losing weight. This may not be true for everyone, but for someone like me that managed to become grossly overweight there are some deep-seeded psychological issues at play. You don't gain almost 150 pounds above a healthy weight just by snacking here and there, and you can't just lose the weight and move on. You have to be aware of why you gained it in the first place and stay on top of it for the rest of your life. That is why I'll be a success with Weight Watchers."

I felt my eyes glazing over as the words just poured out of me. I guess I made a good impression on the room because once I finished, there was some applause. I love my meetings. People congratulate you on your successes, help suggest how to manage the struggles and pitfalls and pay attention to you when you go off on some psychobabble rant. There are a lot of success stories in those meetings. Probably close to 10 of our regulars are lifetimers that have been there since well before I started last May. I'm looking forward to being another one of those lifetimers that continues to come to meetings week after week.

It's gonna take a while longer to get there (especially since it slows down at the end), but it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Progress so far: 86.4 pounds.

Versatillity

2009-02-19T21:28:00.004-06:00

Last night, I prepared my lunch for the following day like I normally do every night. I tossed a banana, an orange and a granola bar in the lunch bag, poured some pita chips in a ziplock and tossed them in, put some baby carrots in another ziplock and tossed them in, put a couple pickles in another ziplock and tossed them in (I go through a lot of ziplocks), spooned up a few Ts of hummus into a rubbermaid and tossed it in, assembled a turkey wrap (I love these): flatout, 6 slices of thin honey roasted turkey, a slice of low-fat provalone, a T of light miracle whip, a t of brown mustard, a handful of baby spinach leaves, 2 green onions snapped in half and laid across the length, then roll'er up and wrap'er in seran.

Then, I made the fatal mistake: I left it out. Normally, this bag of deliciocity would sit in my fridge, waiting to be transported to my lab where it'd sit in another fridge all day and supply my 3-4 little meals throughout the workday. Unfortunately, without the wrap, the bulk of my lunch was lost. Damn mayo; it woulda been fine otherwise, I'd wager. So I tossed the wrap and pondered struggling through the day with what I had.

I decided it wouldn't be sufficient to keep me satisfied and with the challenge of cart lingering in front of me, I wasn't willing to risk going into it hungry. When one of the researchers came into the office and asked us if we had plans for lunch, I said I'd tag along. This surprised all parties in the room since I've been invited at least 10 times now and turned them down every time thanks to my previously unfaltering lunch-packing skills. I went to Planet Sub without a chance to peruse the NI menu and plan ahead.

When we got there I started studying the menu. I saw a lot of alarming options and started picking my way through, trying to find a balance between healthy and tasty. I could have grabbed a salad, but that's the easy way out. Plus I just made one for dinner last night. Instead, I opted for one of their soups of the day, spicy black bean, and a chicken BBQ sandwich. I opted for the wrap instead of the roll since the menu actually recommended it if you're trying to "cut carbs," which, while I'm not particularly concerned about my carb intake, I knew also meant less calories and more fiber.

Between the multigrain wrap and the black beans? Key word fiber.

Seriously, though, they were both pretty tasty and while a little more than I'd normally eat at a single meal, I wound up finishing both anyhow and skipped my afternoon snack. When I got back to the lab, I looked up what I ate and calculated the meal at 12 points. Not bad considering how much food I got for those 12 points, and considering I was going to have an 11 point lunch and a 3 point afternoon snack, I came out ahead in the end.

And when cart came rollin up? I had one reese's mini peanut butter cup, a tootsie roll midget and grabbed another thing of orange tic tacs (it actually took me 3 weeks to eat all of my last thing) for a grand total of 1 point (all of which was the little teeny tiny peanut butter cup because the midget was 0... what a rip).

The workout was also good and I'm looking forward to putting in another light one tommorow. It's been a while since I worked out within 24 hour of a weigh-in, but I owe myself a few more drops of sweat.

Zumba, Zumba, ZumbOH MY GOD!

2009-02-18T18:23:00.005-06:00

Every Wednesday evening at this lab, a lady comes and leads a Zumba class in the commons area. I've seen em doing it these last few weeks as I go to fill up my water bottle for my workout, which recently has been almost 100% elliptical. This is mostly because I hate the recumbent bike (or rather the bike hates my package) and I am still not quite comfortable enough with the treadmill to up the speed/incline enough to get my heart going like the elliptical can. So, since I stopped going to 24hr Fitness on weekdays and those are my only three options here, I'm now working out 4 days a week, 1 hour per session on the elliptical. Thats not a bad thing -- I love the elliptical -- but it is a bit monotonous (both in terms of keeping it interesting for me and keeping it challenging for my body).

So, I was talking to my supervisor today about health/fitness/weightloss stuff, which she brought it up because she noticed I've been losing weight (seriously? After knowing me for only 4 weeks now? That's a sharp eye), and she mentioned the Zumba class, which she apparently does every week. I told her I don't think I'd do it because a) I'm probably not coordinated enough and b) it probably isn't as intense as my cardio tends/needs to be. She convinced me to try it anyhow, so after a 20 minute warmup on the elliptical, I hopped over to the commons to join in and ohmygodmylegsmybackmysidesmyheart I think I'm gonna die. Wow. I don't know if I'll do that again. I don't know if I'll do anything again. Seriously, I went from the the workout straight to my desk to share this post with yall, and I am struggling to muster the energy needed to type these words.

In other news, I did wind up getting out of jury duty (obviously since I'm talking about being at the lab today), but rather than go to the lab yesterday, I took care of some other errands that needed me in that part of town.

I changed my voter registration (finally). Despite considering myself a libertarian for the last 10 years, I'm now officially one (previously unaffiliated).

I renewed my driver's license. This one was big for me. When we got to the part where the lady asked my weight, I was going to emphatically pronounce my real weight for the first time since I first started carrying ID. My old DL says 280, which at the time was a lie by at least 20 pounds. I now weight 273, but that isn't going to last. Instead, I decided to announce my weight as a nice round 250. I'm looking forward to making that correct.

And then wrong again.

In the other direction.

Precedents Day

2009-02-16T14:40:00.002-06:00

So I hear today is some kind of holiday. I know because I tried to talk to someone at my bank and was asked to try back some other time. Well here's to you government employees who have the day off! Tomorrow, I'll be a government employee (I think). I've been selected for jury duty for the first time in the 11 (almost) years that I've been eligible. I submitted the paperwork requesting that I be excused seeing as I'm a full-time grad student and don't have time, but since they never contacted me to let me know what the status of that request was, I'm just gonna have to show up tomorrow morning and see if they'll let me go to my lab instead. I'd hate to try to get out of my civic responsibility, but I've to focus on my practicum. I'm almost done!

Aside from that, I'm finding myself somewhat introspective today. I know I'm going to achieve that goal of 225 pounds this year. I don't know when it's coming, but at less than 50 to go, it's definitely coming. At that point, I'll be in the best shape of my entire life, and I'm not confident that I'll be done with this journey either. I'm pretty sure I'll be pressing on to 210, 200, hell, maybe even 190 (I doubt that, but we'll see). I set that goal of 225 arbitrarily based on my very realistic conclusion that I will never be the 179 pound man that some 19th century sociologist thinks I should be.

I was recently looking at my before photos and realized something. I don't recognize that guy. I had fallen into some serious denial about how far I had gone when I started losing weight last May. More than anything else, I had lost my facial personality. Now, I look in the mirror and I'm just now getting to know the guy that I see, but he's still changing every day. It kind of makes me wish I'd started one of those picture-a-day projects when I started because it really is a dramatic change. Alas, I don't think I have the attention span to spare.

I've said before I don't know when I last weighed 225. I don't even really know when I last weighed what I now weigh. The numbers are all very blurred together between the 185 lb 5'5" 13 year old offensive right guard and the previously most successful weight watcher that finally hit 285 at 22 years old. I'm in uncharted territory, folks and setting new precedents every morning.

V-day Love: That's What I'm TALKIN About!

2009-02-14T09:31:00.008-06:00

What a great week. I was really happy with my food and my workouts, I stayed off the scale for a full 7 days, and I really felt like my body was responding well this week. I asked more of it than I ever have before and it gave a firm "sir, yes, sir" in response. Way to go, body! So imagine the smile on my face when the receptionist handed me my book and I saw that I had lost 4.2 pounds (well, actually, it said -3.2 but that's because she's bad at math; I double checked and it really was 4.2). That puts me exactly 0.2 pounds shy of my 85-pound star, and I only came in 2.6 shy of losing 20 pounds for the Valentine's day challenge I joined on the WW boards. Awesome!

Speaking of V-day, this has been one of the best. I'm such a sappy sentimental fool.... I had already bought my girlfriend 2 presents (a pedipaws since she wants to clip the dog's nails but is afraid to use clippers and a cute pink water bottle because she hates her old one and it'll help her get in her daily water), a bag of lindt chocolates, a card that I wrote a VERY heartfelt message in, and a gift bag with froofy tissue paper earlier this week. We exchanged gifts, she read my card and cried. I got a new high quality chef's knife and a new beard trimmer, both of which I've been in need for quite a while.

Then Thursday I was driving by a store advertising 2 dozen roses for 20 bucks. I went in and found out they were selling them unarranged, so I spent an extra 25 and got a nice arrangement of 12 pinks instead. I got home, put them in a vase and put them on display. She loved em.

So you'd think between the gifts last night and the flowers Thursday that I'd be pretty much done right? Nope. I dropped by Papa Murphy's yesterday after class. It is her favorite pizza of all time, but she never gets because I don't care for it and we really don't eat anything we don't cook ourselves as of late. Anyhow, I picked up a heart-shaped pizza from there too. It was actually pretty good, and I even let myself enjoy having a couple of slices of normal pizza the night before weigh-in.

Then, after weigh-in, we came home and had heart-shaped pancakes (thanks for the idea Lyn!) and omelets. We'll spend the rest of the day doing lunch at a Mongolian BBQ (yum, been cravin that for weeks), hittin up the theater for a matinee, some Costco love, then relaxin at home, watchin a movie curled up in bed with a loving girlfriend, some leftover heart-shaped pizza and some V-day themed chocolate chip cookies.

I'm so romantic it even makes ME sick.

Progress so far: 84.8 pounds.

Did you know that ellipticals stop your workout program...

2009-02-11T20:10:00.004-06:00

... if your heartrate hits 200 bpm? Yeah, neither did I before this evening's workout.
Story time! So I was doing my thing as usual, plotting along, listening to my tunes, nodding to people as they left (the equipment is by the back door nearest where most of the research and sales people park) when I noticed I was keeping a faster pace than I normally would. Typically I start out at about 7.5 mph until my heartrate reaches my low target (155 bpm), then slow down to between 6 and 6.5 mph for the remainder of the ride, which is a 45 minute workout and a 5 minute cooldown. I guess I was pushing closer to 6.5-7 because at the 44 minute mark, I was already at 4.85 miles (whereas I'd normally only be at 4.7 miles at 45 minutes).

As I was doing the math in my head to figure out how far ahead I was and how close I was to pulling 5 miles in 45 minutes, this song came on. I immediately fell into stride with the song, pumped up by my success for the workout and the energy of the song. For the record, that song is 158 beats per minute, so I was doing 79 rpm on the elliptical at that time, which, for that stride length, is almost exactly 10mph. I've never gone that fast on the elliptical before and today I was doing it for the last minute of my workout.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to see if I made it to that 5 mile mark before the workout hit 45 minutes. As soon as I hit 10 mph, my heartrate started ramping up from my usual 165. I watched it tick up to the 190s almost immediately. I was wrapped up in the moment and didn't feel strained at all. My eyes were moving from one readout to the next: speed, 10mph; time, 44.28; pulse, 191; speed 10.1; time, 44.31; pulse, 192. 192I thought to myself that's my maximal heartrate!Well, it was when I first determined it a couple of years ago by running up a hill as hard and as fast as I could (and when I did it back then, I thought I was about to die). Well, I guess it's not my maximal heartrate anymore, because it kept going up: 193, 194, 196, 197, 199... Sweet! I'm gonna break 2--beeeeeyooooooop.

OK, it didn't actually make a sound (not that I'd have heard it over the music), but it makes for a good story. It just shut off. No timer, no speed, no pulse readout, no calories burned.... I slowed down my stride and pressed enter; it prompted me to select a workout. I set it to "cooldown" and watched my heartrate go back to sane levels.

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure I didn't cause any lasting damage. It wasn't even that high for a full minute. I never felt like I was in pain, just excited, driven, on an endorphin/adrenaline high. Any fitness experts know if your maximal increases as you improve your health and fitness? I'd like to think so... I just hope Carla doesn't scold me. ;)

Please help me support MS research

2009-02-11T16:12:00.011-06:00

The lab I'm at now, which I've mentioned several times on this blog, has participated for several years now in a fundraiser for the National MS Society: walk MS. When they announced today at the town hall meeting that signups are now open for this event, which is scheduled for Saturday, April 18 in my area (there are hundreds of events all over the nation for this), I immediately knew it was for me. I've been meaning to get involved in some fundraising like this and I've been meaning to participate in some walking/running events. This is definitely a good start for both of those.

I'm happy to say I was the first person in line for signups after town hall ended. Granted, almost everyone else could just email them and say "use my registration from last year, please," but that's beside the point. So I'm officially participating, which means I'm officially asking you, my readers to help me fight MS, a disease that stops people from moving. I've joined the movement to create a world free of multiple sclerosis. By making a donation on my behalf, you help the Mid America Chapter provide local programs and services to more than 25,000 of our friends and neighbors who live with the daily effects of this disease. While the MS Society works to end MS, I will be helping people with MS move ahead.

Every penny I raise will be matched by my lab, so if you can spare a couple, please donate to a worthy cause that also makes me work my butt off. Whatever you can give will help! I greatly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress.

Tomorrow

2009-02-10T21:59:00.003-06:00

...is the day I gave myself to check in when I decided to give it another shot at scaling back. I've been doing really well this week, and I feel like my body has responded well. I've also impressed myself with with my resolve to stay off any and all scales (and I face a few every day several times a day). I'd be thrilled to get a sneak peak at what is to come on Saturday, but I am confident that I can handle waiting until Saturday morning.

I original gave myself the check in for the sake of keeping myself from spazzing out like I have in the past when I cut myself free of the safety net that is daily weighing. I honestly don't think I'll need it, though. So, I'm gonna keep doin what I'm doin, rock out the next of this week and give myself a genuine surprise as my own Valentine's day gift to myself. And why not? I could use a little self-love, right?

Wish me luck, I'm hoping I've bypassed that looming plateau. Actually, in reality, I should have acknowledged that I didn't lose just 0.6 last weigh-in. That was my official loss, but if I factor in my ~2 pound unofficial gain, I lost somewhere in the range of 2.6 for the week.

Riding the Waves

2009-02-09T19:29:00.005-06:00

Today was another incredible day. I feel like I got a lot done in the lab. In fact, I kind of lost track of time and wound up working about 45 minutes longer than I'd intended; it seems really easy for me to get wrapped up in the work and forget to watch the clock because it really doesn't feel like work. Today completes my training, so from here on, I'll have help and direction if I need it, but the project is mine to do as I wish. That autonomy and responsibility is very satisfying. I am looking forward to knocking this one out of the park and give them no alternative but to hire me. I really think I would have a very happy life if I worked here for the next 50 years.

On the nutrition side of things, I made some really good choices, and although I'm still looking at a points deficit for the day once again, I just don't feel hungry enough to try to force myself to use them all up. I think I'm OK with that now. In spite of all the people on the 100 pounds to lose board disagreeing with me, I think if I was starving myself, I would feel starved or at the very least, hungry. No, I'm not gonna get hung up on points anymore. As long as I'm satisfied and not constantly feeling hungry, I'll stick with the same plan I've had these past 4 months. I'll try to avoid being under more than 8 by the end of the day and shoot for the full 40, but if I can't get there without stuffing myself, so be it.

The workout was pretty strong as well. I feel like I pushed myself a little bit harder than last week and my body responded well to it. By the time I was finished, the sweat was flowin and I was riding the endorphin high the whole drive home.

Once I got home, I was greeted by an excited puppy, a delivery from amazon (my Valentine's presents for her) and a loving girlfriend. After a warm shower and a change of clothes I felt like a new man, so I sat down to read some blogs. I gotta tell you, a wave just washed over me. It's an incredible feeling. The only way I can describe it is an overwhelming sense of well-being and happiness. Life is great, and to borrow the phrase from Karen, I am crazy-ass happy. Are you crazy ass happy too?

Lazy Sunday

2009-02-08T15:05:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was a fantastic day. Seriously, I don't think I could have enjoyed it more. Seeing my father was so very enjoyable for my girlfriend and me. He has always been very receptive to my girlfriends in the past, never one to disapprove, but I feel like he knows there is something special about this one. I can tell by the way he asks about her when we talk on the phone and the way he interacts with her that he loves her just as much as I do. That means a lot to me.

Lunch was fantastic and although I burned through several more points than I normally would at a single meal, I left myself with enough to have a salad in the evening and a few drinks later that night when a few of the guys hit up a pool hall. In addition to my friend's wife being on leave from overseas, another friend who works as a military contractor was back from the sandbox. It was fun to sit down with all my friends and just talk for a couple of hours.

The pool? Well, lets just say I'm a better shot once a get a couple drinks in me. The later the night went the better I played (although I never won, I ended up having two games where I had a nice run of shots, one of which culminated with a scratch on the 8-ball).

So here I am, just sitting around and reminiscing on what a nice day yesterday was, with the little lady napping on the couch and the dog doing the same on the floor. I can't help but think what a great place I am in my life right now.

Blast from the past

2009-02-07T09:53:00.002-06:00

For today's post, I could pretty much reuse this post from July, long before most of yall were ~~hanging on my every word~~ ~~putting up with my bullshit~~ reading this blog, because everything I said there is entirely applicable (down to the amount I lost). I'm thrilled to be heading in the right direction again. I'm going to keep trying to stay off the scale, but in the spirit of weening myself off slowly, I'm going to check in on Wednesday morning. Aside from that and official weigh-in Saturday, no scaling. Scout's honor. I was never a scout, so that means jack, but I held my left hand on the Weight Watchers week 7 book when I said that. Cool?

Aight, back to the grind. Today's gonna be a good day. We're doing some cleaning up since we let the living room and bedroom fall into disarray. Then, I'm gonna get a haircut, we'll hit up Costco and the grocery store. My father called to say he and his wife are going to be in town, so we may be meeting them for lunch. One of my friends' wife is back from Iraq, so we're gonna be doing something with them this evening as well.

It may be a challenging day for keeping track of points if we wind up going out to eat twice, but I am confident I'll make good decisions. I'm thinking salad for lunch wherever we go and I'm guessing we'll either go to Caspian Bistro or Mongolian BBQ for dinner, so that'll take a bit more planning. Wish me luck!

The Next Time

2009-02-06T16:59:00.003-06:00

In the spirit of keeping stuff positive, I'm not even going to address the recent subject of these posts aside from saying that I've managed to keep my promise today and stay the hell off the scales. I have no idea what's in store for me tomorrow morning, and I'm OK with that.

I've been thinking recently, and I've made a lot of changes in my life. I'm truly starting to appreciate the differences in what I can do physically, how I look, how my clothes fit and how I feel about myself. What is really exciting is that there are still many things I did as a larger person that I haven't had the opportunity to do since I've lost so much weight (and will continue to lose more).

Here's a short list:
The next time I fly, I won't feel squished in by the armrests or need to use a seat belt extender.
The next time I go swimming, I won't avoid the diving board in fear of it snapping in twain while I bounce up and down.
The next time I go to an amusement park, I won't need to suck it in as the kid working there tries to force the restraint in far enough to latch.
The next time I go shopping for clothes, it won't be at Casual Male XL.
The next time I need my lawn mowed, I'll do it myself rather than pay a kid 30 bucks to do it for me.
The next time I'm invited to a class reunion, I'm not gonna skip, and no one is going to recognize my svelte ass.

Oh, and since Carlos asked: I didn't make it to cart yesterday. I was too busy setting up some stuff in the lab and worked right through it. I guess that's one way to avoid temptation, eh?

Stay the course

2009-02-05T08:26:00.003-06:00

OK, enough negativity. You're all right, and thank you all for the comments. I... am weak. I let one little gain throw me off my attempts to stay off the scale. This is my second time I've tried to "scale back" and my second failure at it. I'm gonna have to do this baby steps style.

So, I've already hopped on the Wii Fit this morning, but I promise I will not step on the scale again until weigh-in. I've already found my weight tracking book and put it back in my car where it belongs, so no excuses there either. Saturday morning I will face the official scale. I'll come home and update all my shizz regardless of what it says. I stress accountability all the time and last week I curled up in a corner and gave accountability the finger. No more of that.

Onward and updard. Yesterday was a really good day in terms of nutrition. I was pleased with my choices, especially the extremely filling 5 point salad I had for lunch (quite an improvement from the 15 point one I made myself a month ago), and although the little lady and I both found ourselves lacking the motivation to start cooking the dinner at 6.30 when I got home, I managed to take care of my hunger without deviating from the points plan at all. For the first time in a while, I got in all my checks (not that I actually check em off), even healthy oils. She wound up baking a batch of the Fiber One apple cinnamon muffins (linky to a review I didn't write, but fully concur) we got from Costco a couple of weekends ago (the sample was that good), and I was very pleased to see (taste?) they were just as good last night as the Costco sample lady made em. Very good, 2 points, thumbs up!

Yesterday was also enjoyable because I finalized all my gift plans for V-day. I dropped by Wally world to return some toothpaste and contacts, both of which we'd purchased on the same day we first joined Costco and wound up finding significantly cheaper there. While I was there I got a card and a couple other things (I won't specify; I know she reads this sometimes), and I also confirmed with Amazon that my order from there will arrive in time. I guess I'm a bit of a softy, but I'm looking forward to this holiday.

Today is gonna be a great day too. I made a kickass turkey wrap on Flatout with scallions, grape tomatoes and some mixed greens, which I'll have with some pita chips and hummus (yum!). Tonight, I think we're having GF's delicious smothered burrito recipe. I browned up and seasoned some taco beef for them on Sunday (when I made the queso, all of which is gone now, btw), so I can't say I haven't been looking forward to them all week.

Thanks again for sticking with me through the funk. I'm much better now, and I promise I'll accept whatever my body has to tell me these coming weeks. I've said before that deadlines do nothing for me, so I've decided that regardless of where I am by my birthday (even if it's exactly where I am today), I'll be happy. It's taken me 9 months to come this far. If it takes me another 9 years to get the rest of the way, so be it. Some times it's not nearly as much about the destination as it is the journey.

@#$%&!

2009-02-04T08:36:00.002-06:00

OK, I know, I know.... *deep breath* but seriously....

Since Saturday and the unofficial gain, I've been meticulous on my "weight watchering" and despite going a little overboard on Superbowl Sunday, I SHOULD be seeing a steady decline. I peeked this morning and am down 0.2 from Saturday's unofficial number, which is still up almost 2 pounds from the week prior to that.

I know what you're thinking, but for someone who had gotten used to 2.5-3 pounds just falling off every week since November, I feel like I am in a serious setback right now. So I'm on another friggin plateau. I've switched some stuff up in the workout, I've alternated high and low point days this week:
Sa= -6; Su= +5; M= -5; T= -2; W (today's already planned out)= -6

I seriously don't know what else to do. My body just doesn't want to give up any more weight. I hate plateaus. Feh.

Oh, and I feel like I should apologize to yall. I know this blog has been pretty negative ever since this started happening, but I feel like no matter what I do, I'm just gonna have to suffer through this plateau. It's a shame, really, because I was really hoping to hit -20 for the new year by Valentine's and -100 overall by my birthday 4 weeks after that.

Superbowl Survival

2009-02-02T18:36:00.006-06:00

I planned ahead for the Superbowl tradition of chili, queso and chips like I mentioned Saturday. I'll be honest, I planned way ahead, and it still wasn't enough. I am going to have to put tortilla strips on my mental list of trigger foods. Let's just say I went into game time having only consumed 11 of my daily 40 points with a plan to eat a bowl (2c) of chili, 4 saltines, 3 ounces of Mission tortilla strips, 2 servings (1c) of queso and a no pudge brownie to finish it all off.

I kept dipping and chipping outside of my carefully measured portions until I hit the old "gorger's remorse" wall. I still had my brownie because I'd never tried the no pudge and was curious how they were. I guess they were pretty decent because I went back for another one (in my opinion, though, they aren't worth the extra money for the measly points reduction below reduced fat generic brownie mix).

When the smoke cleared, I tried my best to assess the damage and came up with about 45 points consumed for the whole day. That's not bad. I only dipped 5 deep into my weeklies, but considering I consumed 34 of those points in a 2 hour time span, that's just bananas. I regret breaking my no guilting the indulgences rule because I really don't get queso that often anymore.

I still really enjoyed the day. The game was exciting, I cleaned up the kitchen as I cooked, so there was no huge pile of shit to wash at the end, and best of all, I drank a gallon and a half of water over the course of the day. That's pretty impressive to me considering I could have drank another 24-ounce refill if I didn't limit myself to 1.5gal a day and I did that without working up a sweat at all. I'm probably gonna need it too for all that salt.

Today was another good water day (I'm up for another 3 hours and already at 120oz), I worked out for an hour after work, and I'm about to enjoy some leftover rotisserie chicken, mashers and sugar snap peas... yum!

BTW, anyone got a suggestion on how to get rid of the leftover 2.5c of queso and 2.5 pounds of tortilla strips? Damn Costco....

TBL Casting Call

2009-02-01T15:01:00.006-06:00

For those of you brave enough to let Jillian Michaels and Bob Harper kick your ass around the gym while America judges from its couches, The Biggest Loser is now casting for season 8. Details in the linky. I personally won't be trying out because

I don't think I'd make a very compelling story;
I doubt I'd be what they want for TV personality;
I'm not in a position to just stop school during my final semester of graduate work and be on a TV show for a few months; and
I've kinda shot myself in the foot by already losing this much anyhow. This season's casting (in comparison with the past couple) clearly demonstrates that the producers are looking for people with much more extremely dire need to lose weight.

That said, if any of you out there are struggling with this weight loss business and want to share your story with a national audience, by all means, give it a shot. Be aware, though, that the past 2 casting calls have drawn more than half a million applicants each.

Good luck! I'll be watchin for ya!

Two words

2009-01-31T12:59:00.002-06:00

Bullshit Gain.

I guess I'm goin back to my daily points deficits and constant weighing. That is all. Feh.

Edit: OK, I need to get the negativity out. It wasn't that bad. This has just been a bad weekend between fighting with the girlfriend about stupid financial bullshit for 24 hours to being caught droppin a couple tears at fucking Marley and Me. We talked it out, it was a sad movie, and I'm not gonna let this crap ruin my whole weekend.

I didn't get an official weigh-in because I was too bitter over the 2lb gain that the Wii Fit showed, compounded with the fact that I forgot my weight tracking book and add to that we through a couple more stupid things to fight about before and on the way to the meeting, I was pretty much fed up with the world (hence the post up there). I'm not going to update my stats on WW boards, the weight tracker, the ticker or anything else this week. I know part of it was my out of the ordinary eating yesterdau and water retention from the excess sodium and part of it was the inevitable plateau that I've been due after losing 33 pounds since Halloween.

I'm bouncing back from the funk. We're gonna enjoy the 60 degree gift we've been given and spend some quality time together while we stock up for our little superbowl party tomorrow (chili + queso... it's tradition!). I'll stick to the plan today, try to be reasonable with the snackin tomorrow (chili's low points, chips and queso not so much), and rock out a killer week. I'm still 278.2 on paper anyhow.